Mathom House

An archive of threads from the good old days of TORn …


Tracey Stewart

On, december 31/01/2014 02:13:21, Tracey Stewart <>

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Happy Fourth of July!

Ro heads south

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Aerlinn’s Law








version 2version 1

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Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (10)

Original Post

SCENES FROM THE HAT: How Narsil was *really* broken (7/15/02)

  • Elendil – “Isilduuuuur! Have you been shaving with Narsil again?” (No Text)Silverlode
  • “I told him to ‘protect it with guards’ but he heard ‘break it into shards.’ (No Text)esiwmas
    • Palantir static? Don’t let this happen to you. 😉 (No Text)esiwmas
      • If the Sprint guy had been there at the Cracks of Doom —RosieLass
        We could have avoided this whole silly misunderstanding. 😀

        • Hehehe – I am just imagining it! —Enchantress
          Him shaking his head and offering Frodo a cell phone.

          • I was thinking even further back than that. —RosieLass
            Sauron, Elendil, Gil-Galad all sitting on a sofa looking mournful.
            Sauron: What I said was “Would you like a cup of tea?” and they thought I said “Domination of all Middle-earth…muahahaha!”

            • Heh heh…considering the latest MIB-themed ad, it could happen! (No Text)Silverlode
  • Isildur to Anarion: What do you mean the Key to the City must have been buried with Dad? Well, let me try to pick the lock with this . . . (No Text)Annael
    • LOL … “with Dad” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • How was Isildur to know Richard Roeper had a metal plate in his head? (No Text)Nazgûy
    • Hmmm…..that WOULD explain a lot. (No Text)Silverlode
    • *bows to Nazgûy* I quit! You win! Perfect!! (No Text)Wídfara
  • Isildur tried to use it to cut through a frozen package of peas. (No Text)luinfalathiel
    • Gondor has no peas. Gondor needs no peas. (No Text)karen the magnificent
  • Whoops! Butter fingers! (No Text)Idril Celebrindal
  • Elrond: Isildur, follow me! Isildur: Up there!? Why don’t I just… CLING!! Damn!… OK, wait up! (No Text)Earendil The Mariner
  • Due to the ME embargo on foreign steel imports, Telchar had to melt down his favourite Mustang V8 (No Text)Nazgûy
  • Manufacturing defect: Elendil must have missed the Consumer Product Safety Administration recall notice. —Wídfara
    It might have been wrought by Telchar in the deeps of time, but obviously he needed some quality controls at his plant.
  • Elendil ran into Indiana Jones: “That’s not a knife – THIS is a knife!” (No Text)Ufthak
    • Er… Crocodile Dundee? Indy would just’ve shot him, I think! (No Text)Greenwood Hobbit
  • Mrs. Elendil kept using it to dial the phone so she wouldn’t chip her nail varnish. (No Text)RosieLass
  • Smaug used it to get a little dwarf from between his teeth. (No Text)Wídfara
  • Some long-gone Gamgee grabbed it ‘cos he thought it’d be a good leek-dibber (No Text)
  • Elendil was carving graffiti at Weathertop… (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • “To: Isildur. Re: New family policy. From now on, nobody borrows Narsil.” (No Text)Wídfara
      • “To: Isildur. Re: New family policy. From now on, nobody borrows Nar–*chink* Damn!” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
        • On second thought, anybody need to borrow this? What about my weedeater? (No Text)Wídfara
  • Isildur lent it to the folks remaking “Branded” —Wídfara
    Remember? 60s TV show? Chuck Connors? The opening scene? *sigh* I *am* the only one who remembers that show. If an AARP application comes in the mail today, it’ll be official. I *am* old!!!

    • “Branded! Scorned as the one who ran…” —Mrs. Boromir
      What do you do if you’re branded, and you know you’re a man?
    • I can (barely) remember this show. But then, I should since I’m older than you……….
      • Oh, dear! ; – ) —Wídfara
      • “Hmmm. THIS would make a good Narsil.”
  • Gandalf used it to try to pry open Lobelia’s pocketbook. (No Text)Wídfara
  • No Strider! Those trolls have turned to…. stone. Too late. (No Text)Altaira
  • Sam used it as a jack when his cornfield car had a flat tire. (No Text)Wídfara
  • Merry told Elendil that the palantír had a chewy nougat center. (No Text)Wídfara
    • Lots of time and dimension travel involved in this thread 🙂 (No Text)Wingfooted
  • He lent it to Beowulf. (No Text)Wingfooted
  • Gandalf tried to stick it in a stone… (No Text)Gaffer
    • *snert* (No Text)Altaira
  • Well … Lancelot was guarding this bridge, see —Ugly Troll
    and Aragorn got so peeved that he couldn’t move him out of the way that he called on the power of the sword and …. Oh wait, that’s the wrong movie :o/
  • “Hey guys, watch this!” (No Text)Dolaurwen
  • Aren’t those also… —Gaffer
    the famous last words of many a redneck?

    • *ktm puts on her Carolina shirt, —karen the magnificent
      sets down her beer, climbs out of her double-wide, and proceeds to beat the tar out of all the da*& yankees on the board* *WHAPWHAPWHAP* Woohoo! All I need now is some chaw and I’d be right nigh’ as happy as a dead pig layin’ in the sunshine!
    • “redneck” is a state of mind —Gaffer
      not a place of residence.
      In fact, it no longer even has anything to do with the color of your neck. Look for the guy in the pickup truck with a shotgun rack, and he probably has long hair these days, (thus preventing neck sunburn) even though thirty years ago, a man with long hair was often considered by rednecks to be target practice.

      • no, no, no. Not long hair. —karen the magnificent
        A mullet.

        • Your pigs are happy when they’re dead? —Mrs. Boromir
          And please note that the Darwin Award (regarding my post) has been won by northerners, southerners, easterners and westerners alike. Now hand me that snoose can.

          • only if they’re in the sunshine. —karen the magnificent
            When we first moved down south a man my father worked with said that, and even though it makes no sense, it was so peculiar that my whole family still says it regularly. And your exception is noted, I will not beat the tar out of you (er, unless I go berserker, which has been known to happen from time to time). Maybe you’d better just lay down next to the pig and play possum just to be sure…;p
      • Actually, as rednecks are concerned —Aier Voronwer
        it tends to be something like,
        “Hey y’all! Look’it Jim Bob! He he he! That’s a good one Jim Bob… Jim Bob? You okay Jim Bob?”
      • Actually, I believe the complete phrase —Morwen
        is “hold my beer and watch this.”
      • I believe that —Dolaurwen
        they’re the famous last words of many people in general.

        • Darwin award-winners (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • “Let’s play cricket!” (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • I TOLD YOU, the Ginsu knife was stronger… (No Text)Enchantress
    • Ouch! You *stole* mine! —Wídfara
      I’m very sure I thought of this first, Enchantress. *mumble mumble mumble* ; – )

      • You can have the disposable, dishwasher safe grater. *snert* (No Text)Enchantress
  • Elendil to Isuldur: I told you not to let the movers pack the family heirlooms! (No Text)Morwen
  • Isildur borrowed it to break into the liquor cabinet. (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Elendil at the Battle: “See, now I just jump on the hilt, and that pumpkin will fly right through Sauron’s window…..” (No Text)Wingfooted
  • Aragorn lent it to my neighbor. *Everything* you lend him comes back broken. (No Text)Wídfara
    • Hah! I’ve got one of those neighbors. —Gaffer
  • “I TOLD you not to drink so many pints!” (No Text)Frodosgurl
  • “Here – I can get that bottle cap off for you . . .” (No Text)Annael
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Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (9)

SCENES FROM THE HAT: Books found in Sauron’s library — Mrs. Boromir (7/10/02)

  • “Who Moved My Ring?” (No Text)Annael
    • Darn! (No Text) — —Twilight Mere
  • The Lonely Planet Guide to Mordor (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • “Lord of the Flies” hey, you gotta start small. 🙂 (No Text)esiwmas
  • Everything I Ever Really Needed To Know, I Learned In Eregion (No Text)Eowyn of Penns Woods
  • Bridget Jones’s Diary (No Text)bunny of many colors
  • Frodo Shrugged (No Text)Wídfara
  • Don Quixote of la Shire (No Text)Pennadariel
  • Ophthalmology for Dummies (No Text)Eledhwen
  • The Joy of Hex (No Text)HRHArwen
  • Mordor on $5 a Day (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • The Fine Art of Friendly Persuasion (No Text)HRHArwen
  • Travels with My Ent (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • The Whole Middle Earth Catalogue (No Text)Blue Wizard
  • Nazgul for Dummies, or Growing your finger back in 12 easy steps. (No Text)Enchantress
  • A Tale of Two Towers (Dickens revision) (No Text)Nomad
    • LOL Very good!! (No Text)Ginger
  • Chicken Soup for the Maia Soul (No Text)Celandine Brandybuck
  • Microsoft’s Ledger of course (No Text)Gaffer
  • How to Eliminate Elves and Other Household Pests (No Text)Uitlander
  • “How to Find Anyone Anywhere” (No Text)Morwen
  • “It’s Okay to Delegate Authority” (c. 1600 S.A.) (No Text)Soothfast
  • If You Give an Orc a Cookie… (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • “Me, Myself, and Eye” (No Text)The White Rider
    • LOL! I like it! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • “How to minimize stress and conflict in the workplace” (No Text)The White Rider
    • Shouldn’t that be “maximize”? (No Text) — Soothfast
      • that’s true! (No Text) —Bifur
      • d’oh! (No Text)The White Rider
  • “Volcanology and Blacksmithing — Together at Last” (No Text)Soothfast
  • The Catcher in the Eye (No Text)Nomad
  • “An extensive guide to forging techniques” (No Text)The White Rider
  • Visine 2002 Catalog of Products (No Text)Nomad
  • “How to Work With a Difficult Boss” (1st ed.) (No Text)Soothfast
  • Halfling Torture Techniques: A history (No Text)Nomad
  • The Zen Guide to Palantír Maintenance (No Text)Celandine Brandybuck
  • So You Want to Build a Tower (No Text)Soothfast
  • An Opthamalogist’s Guide for Eye Conditions (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • What to Expect When You’re Expecting Orcs (No Text) —Celandine Brandybuck
  • “7 Habits of Highly Effective Evil Overlords” (No Text)Annael
  • “How to Grow Uruk-Hai” (No Text)Ginger
  • “Easy-to-learn Cooking while still being able to boss a bunch of Orcs around.” (No Text)Frodosgurl
  • “How to take over Middle-earth and Make Pretty Rings at the Same Time.” (No Text)Frodosgurl
  • Harlequin Romance Volume 78: “Arwen’s Innocence” —lumpkin
    I think he’s secretly a lonely misanthropic chap with a romantic heart! Either that or he likes the idea of how mad Elrond would be if he knew Arwen posed for the revealing picture on the cover.
  • Machiavelli’s “The Little Prince” —DiamondTook
    A charming allegory in which all of the whimsical and delightful cast of characters are executed…
  • “Taking over the world for Dummies” (No Text)The White Rider
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Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (8)

SCENES from the HAT: Little known facts about Farmer Maggot – —Mrs. Boromir (7/7/02)

  • Keeps crop of… —Linnet Brandybuck
    …”special” mushrooms a secret (between him and Bombadil) in hopes of preventing further raids from Buckland…
  • His dogs’ REAL names are Skippy, Fluffy, and Bingo. (No Text)ceremony
    • And they’re poodles. (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
  • Drives Mrs. Maggot crazy by using discussion board acronyms IRL. —Wídfara
    Mrs. Maggot: Dear, did you take the trash out?
    Farmer Maggot: ROFLMAO! btw, IRL you’re a hotty! Oh, brb! *hears email indicator and runs to computer, tripping over dog*

    • so I’m stupid but – brb? What???? translation, please! (No Text)greendragon
      • be right back… —DiamondTook
        where’s CB with her handy dandy translation thingie???
    • *snarf* —DiamondTook
  • Gandalf’s “Fly, you fools” is really a veiled reference to Maggot’s emerging role in the Fellowship. —Wídfara
    Sadly, the Fellowship didn’t pick up on it, as it was *too* veiled. Much like this attempted joke.
    • They didn’t pick up on it even when —Leto
      they were all confronted by that lovely pile of dung on the road!
    • *watches pun fly over TORnsib’s head* —Nessimë
      You really are ‘Raid’ing the pun cupboard.
      Farmer Maggot – christened ‘Louis’?
      (not sure if you’ll understand all this… 🙂

      • You are, of couse… —Watson
        …speaking of the original “Fly,” and not that thing Jeff Goldblum did…
      • *teeny voice* help me!! (No Text)DiamondTook
      • *scrunches up face really hard* —Wídfara
        “Farmer Maggot – christened ‘Louis’? (not sure if you’ll understand all this… :)”
        Oh, I *so* want to get it! *wonders if I stare at the words long enough they’ll reveal their hidden groaner* Is it a Kiwi thing? Or am I really a simpleton? (That last question is sorta rhetorical. You don’t have to answer.) : – )

        • No… it’s not even *really* funny… —Nessimë
          When I was little, the Raid ad (Raid = flyspray) had a character called ‘Louis’, and there’s a little jingle along the lines of…
          “Say ‘bye bye’ to Louis the fly!”
          …Fly you fools…
          Heh. *sigh* 🙂

          • *falls over in a dead faint* —Wídfara
            Oh, the Raid-soaked paths we’ll follow in pursuit of our puns. Good one, Nessimë. And, now, I’ll have the (choose one) pleasure/pain/misfortune of taking that to my bed, as I’m heading to dreamland. (Please, Eru, don’t let me dream of this thread. And make Mrs. B not be so evil with her future rich, wonderful, exhausting StfH.)
            • Oh my… —Watson
              Ancient as I am, even I don’t remember that one! But I remember that the son of the original Fly was named Louis (pronounced the French way, of course). The things our brains come up with…
      • *taps forehead* think think think —DiamondTook
        nope… I’m at a loss too…
    • That is one of the worst puns…. —Watson
      …I have ever seen. Which, of course, means it’s good. Clever!
      • *bows, wipes a large bead of sweat from brow* —Wídfara
        Whew! I thought I had delved too greedily and too deep into the pun barrel. Thanks, Watson!
        • You’re welcome —Watson
          Maggots, flies… yeah, I come from farm stock, where such things are all too common in the pasture. Terrible pun — and I’m glad it was deliberate! I have seen things like that done by accident in newspaper headlines! 🙂
  • He and Tom were drinking buddies- they loved to watch football together. (No Text)°Angelica°
  • he has a secret storage room for carrots (No Text)Frodosgurl
  • makes obscure references to fantasy novels at the dinner table. (No Text)Dolaurwen
  • When completely alone, experiments with parting his hair on the other side. (No Text)Wídfara
  • He was raised by Cave-trolls! *winks to DT* (No Text)Earendil The Mariner
  • Has an “outie” (No Text)Wídfara
    • ROTFLMAO! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • he has a thing for Aragorn…. stridersGURL
  • Shot J.R. —Mrs. Boromir
    Anyone get this old one?
    • Woke Bobby up from his dream. (No Text)Wídfara
      • Married Kristin (No Text)DiamondTook
        • Backstabbed Cliff Barnes. (No Text)Wídfara
          • Gave Momma a heart attack (No Text)DiamondTook
            • That would be “Miss Ellie Southworth Ewing (Farlow)” to *you*! —Wídfara
              Named, obviously, for “elanor”: A golden, star-shaped flower, with a name meaning sun-star. Sam Gamgee first came across it in Lórien, and named his eldest daughter, Elanor Gardner, from it.
              (See how I pulled us back around to LOTR! Just in time, apparently, before the OT police come in to haul our Dallas-loving #$@*es away!)

              • *eyes wide with wonder* —DiamondTook
                You are truly brilliant, Wid!! That was amazing!!!
                • Confessions from the Hat: —Wídfara
                  I got it from I carry around a lot of arcana (that’s THREE, Ataahua and Scout B!), but, alas, not all the married names of Miss Ellie. Mad?
                  • Are you mad? —DiamondTook
                    Yes, i believe you’re quite off your duff! am i mad? well, I’ve been known to repair a few watches in my day (Mustard? let’s not be silly!) Angry?? Never!! :):):)
  • Runs amok every Friday night at The Floating Log in Frogmorton. (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • Then goes on ad nauseam about how Oswald acted alone. (No Text)Wídfara
      • LOL! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • He took the Pepsi Challenge. Chose Jif. (No Text)Wídfara
    • LOL!! His mama’s so skinny she can go hang gliding on a Dorito! (No Text)DiamondTook
  • Mr and Mrs Maggot wear the same underwear. (No Text)Pipe to Nul
    • Not at the same time, I hope! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
      • Have you heard the term “Hot Swapable”? (No Text)Pipe to Nul
        • Have *you* heard the term… —Wídfara
        • *steps back* Nooo, and I’m not sure I want to. ; ) (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
          • crazy foreigners with their odd hobbies… (No Text)DiamondTook
  • He’s “The Farmer in the Dell” (No Text)Eorlinga
    • “The ‘shroom stands alone, the ‘shroom stands alone…” (No Text)DiamondTook
  • He’s a Shriner! (No Text)luinfalathiel
    • He’s the Potentate of this here Shriner Temple! (No Text)DiamondTook
  • Is president of the ME PEF club (No Text)Herself the Elf
  • Is a snob who likes it pronounced ‘Ma-go’, if you please….. —greendragon
    Like ‘Hyacinth Bucket’ (“It’s BOUQUET”) for anyone who’s ever seen ‘Keeping up Appearances’!
    • Maybe that goes for Tom Bombadil too —Tauriel
      I mean, he does have that thing about singing all the time.
    • He’s a farmer of the ‘managing my country estate’ variety….! (No Text)greendragon
    • Yup! Good one!! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • He buys his overalls and flannel shirts at the Gap. (No Text)Morwen
    • of Rohan… 🙂 (No Text)DiamondTook
  • He often goes into the Old Forest… —Patty
    where he and Old Bombadil have a secret moonshine still. “Merry-dol ra boom de a-ding a ding dolly!” (hic!)
  • er, sorry, I have a question…. —Elfmei
    …always wonder what the meaning of “SCENES from the HAT” thread?
    • It means —Mrs. Boromir
      the equivalent of putting a bunch of ideas for a topic into a hat and drawing one. I had the same question long time ago and that’s what I was told.
  • Has his lads run off the competition at the local farmers’ market. (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • He raises THOSE kinds of mushrooms. (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • Ahh, so that’s why kids were always trespassing… (No Text)ceremony
    • Must have a shrine to St. Ro, then… (No Text)Celandine Brandybuck
  • “Farmer” is his real first name. (No Text)Wídfara
  • He is really a dwarf – why, you say? Well… —Tauriel
    …In Norse mythology dwarves were maggots that the gods gave human form, that’s why!
    • Interesting, Tauriel. —Mrs. Boromir
      Makes one wonder just how many hidden meanings there are behind the names of people, places and things in LOTR. But that’s another discussion all together.

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Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (7)

SCENES FROM THE HAT: If LOTR characters were famous singers or singing groups – —Mrs. Boromir (7/3/02)

  • Elvish Presley? (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • That was one of the best threads I’ve read in ages!! Good work all. (No Text)Aragorn’s Sexy Scar
  • Boom-shakalaka-Boom-Doom went the drum machines in the deep (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
  • Frank Sauronatra (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • “Fly me from Mt. Doom”.. —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
      I know Sauron wouldn’t sing it, but *I* thought it funny…
    • *groan* Good one, Mrs. B. (No Text)Wídfara
      • If you can’t unmake it there, you can’t unmake it anywhere, it’s up to you, Sammath Naur, Sammath Naur (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
        • …singing “Stranglers in the Night”… (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
          • “. . . and I did it MY WAY!” (No Text)Annael
            • Ol’ Red Eyes, yup. (No Text)Annael
  • Legolas as Ted Nugent.. (No Text)Nazgul_Kidney
  • Celebrian Dion (No Text)Annael
    • Or Celandine Dion? (No Text)Tauriel
    • HAH! Good one! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Legolas: “It’s Not Easy Being (a) Greenleaf” (No Text)
  • The Bree Village People! (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • Peter, Aulë, and Merry (No Text)Wídfara
  • Numenorean TA-beruthiel Choir? (No Text)elf_wannabee
  • quENYA? (No Text)elf_wannabee
  • The Neekerbreekers (Beetles)? The Mordor Tower (Tabernacle) Choir? The Woses? (No Text)elf_wannabee
    • The Neekerbreekers singing Gladden Fields Forever. (No Text)Wídfara
      • Ooo! Good one! *glares* (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Wain Newtonriders (No Text)Wídfara
  • Legolas and Aragorn ARE the Blues Brothers singing “Gimli Some Lovin” —Mrs. Boromir
    Blasphemy… (hangs head)
    • ROFL!! (No Text)luinfalathiel
    • I really need to hit you now. —Wídfara
      Some of these are real groaners, Mrs. B.
      (Great SftH, by the way.)

      • Oy, don’t I know it. —Mrs. Boromir
        But as I said, I was inspired by Ugly Troll (*cough* who’s his girlfriend *cough*) and his “Nob Dylan” at the Prancing Pony.
        Are you typing as you drive to Kentucky…I knew you were talented but wow! Or don’t you leave till tomorrow?

        • *cough* tomorrow *cough* —Wídfara
          ROFLMAO! Very subtle, very subtle. *still laughing*
  • Bruce Springsteen and the Balrogs “I’m on Fire” (No Text)Morwen
    • also “Dancing in the Dark” (No Text)Annael
    • and “Celeborn to Run” (No Text)Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
  • Jewel of Fëanor (No Text)Wídfara
  • Lee Greenwood the Great (No Text)Wídfara
  • Night Ranger! 😀 (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • Rod Steward of Minas Tirith … ? —luinfalathiel
    OK, I’m reaching … 🙂
    How about Dead or Alive, with Gandalf as the lead singer?

  • Moria Carey (she’s about dwarf size, right?) (No Text)Wídfara
  • Merry Knight and the Pip? (No Text)Annael
    • “The Five Pips” — shudder…. (No Text)Watson
      • The Four Weathertops (No Text)Wídfara
        • Ike & Tina Turin (No Text)Annael
        • LOL! What corny fun! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Steely Dunedain!! (No Text)Thevina Finduilas
  • Steppenwarg singing “Beorn to Be Wild” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Sauron in the Tower of Power! (No Text)Scout B
  • Tom Bomb and the B52s …(ugh) (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Earth, Wind and Fire (the elvish rings). (No Text)Patty
  • The Hobbits could be the Monkees… (No Text)Enchantress
    • No, they’re the Fab Four (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
    • Or Liberace, I wonder if he can play the piano? (No Text)Enchantress
  • Dunedan Dunedan (No Text)Annael
  • The elf, the dwarf, the human and the orc singing Y-M-C-A… (No Text)Ugly Troll
    • I would pay a lot of money to see Elijah, John Rhys-Davies, Orlando, and Viggo in costume doing that . . . (No Text)Annael
      • Who would be wearing the Indian headdress? *snert* (No Text)Enchantress
        • Lurtz (he’d be in the line too) (No Text)Annael
        • ACK! There’s 5 of them? My mistake, add a troll :o) . (No Text)Ugly Troll
    • BWAHAHAHAHAHA! —Magrat
      Ow, laughing that hard can crack a rib.
  • The Backroad Hobbits! (No Text)Chewie
  • The Trolling Stones —Mrs. Boromir
    Is it tacky to play at one’s own game…?
  • A Dwarvish rock group: Aerosmiths (No Text)Wídfara
    • Aulesmiths? (No Text)Annael
      • Aerosmith could work… —Watson
        …if it referred to Manwe and Aule
  • Lóni Mitchell: They paved Valinor and put up a parking lot. (No Text)Wídfara
    • HAH!! …wait, that’s not funny (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
      • Construction foreman: And get the backhoe in here to knock down these two trees! (No Text)Wídfara
        • *beep beep beep* Watch out behind. (No Text)Enchantress
          • *tsk tsk* Valinor needed a Sustainable Development Committee. (No Text)Wídfara
            • No kidding! Next thing they’ll get is a Wargmart! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
              • And a Hooter’s right next to the Prancing Pony. —Wídfara
                Poor Barliman. How will he compete?
                • Ahhh, for the large busted, um, Dwarves??? (No Text)Enchantress
  • Lena Horne of Gondor (No Text)Wídfara
    • Ohhhh,, That is soo begging to be satirized —Enchantress
    • HAHAHAHAHAHA!! (No Text)Scout B
  • Saruman in “Cheap Trick” ??? (No Text)Scout B
  • Celembrimbor (sp): Lead singer of The Smiths, Numenor and Valinor: The Westside Connection (No Text)vedhed
  • An Archie comics spin-off: Queen Berúthiel and the Pussycats (No Text)Wídfara
  • The Ents as….The Screaming Trees (No Text)Scout B
  • Aragorn in Night Ranger. (No Text)Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
  • Eowyn could be in the Violent Femmes. (No Text)Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
  • Gimli, lead guitar (ax) in Molly Hatchett? (No Text)Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
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Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (6)

Original Post
SCENES FROM THE HAT: Overheard at Bilbo’s Birthday Party
(No Text) — Mrs. Boromir (7/1/02)

  • “You’re only going to eat 11 helpings?? You eat like an elf!” (No Text)esiwmas
  • Hobbit #1, with a sneer: “*This* beer isn’t proper 1420!” Hobbit #2: “But it’s not 1420 yet!” Hobbit #1: “Oh. My bad. Good beer!!” (No Text)Wídfara
    • “and it’s free!” (No Text)Patty
      • Hobbit # Wídfara: “FREE?!” *chug chug chug* (No Text)Wídfara
  • “Do you reckon that her foot hair is really blonde?” (No Text)Pipe to Nul
  • Here…finest weed in the *cough* South Farthing… *cough* (No Text)Uitlander
    • Dude…I’ve got the munchies! (No Text)humblehobbit
      • yo, try some of this cherry tart…wow… (No Text)Uitlander
        • It’s HUGE! (No Text)Scout B
          • Thanks…. (No Text)MrCere
            • [eye roll so severe that they may not return to normal state] (No Text)Scout B
  • “He doesn’t look a day over eleventy.” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Did I say Springle-ring? I meant to say, let’s do the Gator. (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
    • LOL – now there’s an image. (No Text)Annael
  • Sam: Rosie, met me behind the Party Tree in fifteen minutes . . . (No Text)Samantha Baggins
  • Merry: “I dare you to tie Gandalf’s shoelaces together.” —Ugly Troll Pippin: “OK”
  • Rosie: “I don’t know, Sam’s pretty cute . . . besides, have you seen how *big* his feet are?” (No Text)Samantha Baggins
  • Mr. Proudfeet: “Heh heh…it’s really ProudFOOT…” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • By Lobelia–“Otho, grab a couple extra pieces of that cake!” (No Text)Patty
    • “quick, put those beer steins in my purse!” (No Text)Annael
      • “… And the coffee spoons …” (No Text)Idril Celebrindal
        • “I’ll have that flower vase on the table. He’s got more of ’em!” (No Text)Patty
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    Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (5)

    Original post
    Scenes from the Hat: Elrond’s parting words as the Fellowship leaves Rivendell:
    —Wídfara (6/21/02) —

    Mrs. Boromir is out of pocket this weekend. (Apparently, she and Faramir are on a Disney cruise on the Bay of Belfalas.) In her absence, and with bows to luinfalathiel and Mrs. B, I offer this SCENES FROM THE HAT.

  • Elrond: “Bye bye boys! Have fun storming the volcano!” Glorfindel: “Think it’ll work?” Elrond: “It would take a miracle.” (No Text)Silverlode
  • I would have quite liked to try sending them home tied up in a sack, but Gandalf insisted….. (No Text)greendragon
  • Good, with that Onering gone, my crown/tiara/forehead accessory thing is now the finest piece of jewelry in Rivendell again. 🙂 (No Text)esiwmas
  • Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart and you’ll never walk alo-oooone! (No Text)Clueless_I
  • Ah, now I have time to take a nice strawberry bubble bath! (No Text)Shadowfaxrules
  • (to Arwen) Look, I don’t mind your boyfriend coming to visit, but you have to stop telling him to bring those weird little friends of his! (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • Wait!!!! You forgot sunscreen!!!! (No Text)Dolaurwen
  • Glorfindel, lower the disco ball, fire up Gloria Gaynor, fetch our feather headdresses and let’s bring the Last Homely House down! (No Text)lumpkin
    • Y M C A…..(all together) Y M C A (No Text)Enchantress
      • A. M. A. N.!! Oh, it’s great to live in A. M. A. N.!! — Marigold Gamgee
        • “You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal … ” (No Text)luinfalathiel
          • Hobbits! Come & do this for us, I said… (No Text)Dolaurwen
  • Arwen, I just know that dwarf stole towels from his room – put the cost on Gloin’s bill. (No Text)Annael
  • Are you gettin’ a taxi cab to Mordor .. if so — NotAnElf
    “May the cars line up in their places”
  • Thank heavens – they’re gone…. (No Text)Enchantress
  • *aside to Glorfindel* Elrond: “Betcha five dollars we’ll never see them again.” Glorfindel: “Make it $10 and you’re on.” (No Text)Wídfara
  • don’t forget to ring.. — NotAnElf
    I mean the ring…
  • Bring me back a t-shirt. (No Text)cabbage’n’taters
  • finally, farewell, fellows (No Text)Arador
  • “So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodnight!” (No Text)Eledhwen
  • Kommen sie wieder wenn sie nicht so lange bleiben kann. — Gaffer
    Roughly translated: Come again when you can’t stay so long.
  • “Oh, and Frodo… — Nazgûy
    …get me one of those nice souveniers that says “The Fellowship went to Mordor and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”
  • On your way now*yawn* you’ve taken up so much of my time! (No Text)Elbereth Tinuviel
  • Don’t let the door. . . — Fladrif
  • Don’t forget to bring me something!! (No Text)Wídfara
  • I don’t suppose I’ll see any of you again! (No Text)Eledhwen
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    Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (4)

    Original Post
    SFTH Conversation between the two Kings of the Argonath.

    • “Y’know Isie, Legolas isn’t the only one with a butt like granite” (No Text)Celede
    • “When the light is just right, I believe I can see into Galadriel’s flet!” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
      • Citizen’s Arrest! Citizen’s Arrest! —Wídfara
        *shakes head disapprovingly* Now that’s just wrong … : – )
        • What does that Shiriff think he’s paid for —Eowyn of Penns Woods
          —propping up a bar at the nearest tavern?
        • Yeah, but the Kings are harmless. (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • NI! (No Text)Heaven’s Songbird
      • “And bring us . . . a shrubbery!” (No Text)Curious
    • “999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall . . .” (No Text)Curious
      • “I lost count again! I guess we’ll have to start over…” (No Text)Marigold Gamgee
      • ROTFLOL!! good one!! that’s what I would be doing. (No Text)Manveri
    • Gimme five! (No Text)Marigold Gamgee
    • Hey – that one has my sword! (No Text)Uitlander
      • and my bow … and my axe … Oh, wait. Wrong scene. (No Text)Wídfara
        • You shall not pass! …oops wrong scene again. (No Text)jayjay
    • “Hmph! Here we stand like two trolls in the sun!” (No Text)Eowyn of Penns Woods
    • “You know, I’m only doing this darn movie as a favor to Peter.” “I just hope we don’t end up on some godawful poster.” (No Text)Lottelita
    • This nail polish takes FOREVER to dry! (No Text)Eorlinga
    • “Spash, gurgle, sploosh, splash, splish, spash, splash….” —Blue Wizard
      (insert C&H here) STOP THAT! You’re gonna make me have to go the bathroom!
    • “Isie, you want me to flick Gollum off your shoulder again?” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • “How come we never get past the first line of “stop in the name of love”? (No Text)Nimfalma Took
    • Say. How would I look as a bookend? (No Text)Wídfara
    • “Damn, I’ve got that itch again. And there would have to be people around.” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • “You are now entering a Neighbourhood Watch area…” (No Text)Ufthak
    • *looking over at Isildur* Nice hands. Palmolive? (No Text)Wídfara
    • Hey wasn’t I holding an axe before? —Nomad
      “Yeah, I think we both were?”
      “Where did these swords come from!?”
      “Maybe the powers that be felt that the sword was more iconic in the genre and would be more widely accepts than an axe.”
      “You mean like when they changed the name of that Harry Potter movie to ‘Sorceror’s Stone’?

      • I’m not going to axe you again. —Wídfara
        Leave it be, big guy!
    • Long have I desired to look on our heir. What’s that saying– “be careful what you ask for”? (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
    • “You shall not pass…you shall not p…hey, they’re passing! This never works.” (No Text)Scout B
      • I heard they are installing photo radar soon… (No Text)Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
        • Yes, they are gonna have those little cameras installed on top of their big toes. (No Text)Goeth-Helm
    • “Talk to the HAND, cause the face don’t wanna hear it!” (No Text)Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
    • “You put your left arm in, you put your left arm out” —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
      “You do the hokey pokey…”
    • “Hey, Anárion, you can see the Mall of America from here.” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
      • Isn’t it visible from outer space? —Celandine Brandybuck
        I know, I know, not really. But walking around it is like making the trek to Mordor…
        • It’s all the orcs inside. (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
        • You would know. —Wídfara
          Sorry, Celandine. I couldn’t resist. You shouldn’t leave yourself open like that! : – )
          • Humph. —Celandine Brandybuck
            Are you implying that I’ve made the trek to Mordor? Sam would kill me if I tried anything. I’ve only traveled from Lórien to Dale, thank you very much. The return journey is more fun, if slower. *vbg*
            But I went to the M of A more often than I should when I lived in the Twin Cities!

            • By all means, slow down! *vbg indeed* (No Text)Wídfara
    • “Knock, knock…” (No Text)Wídfara
    • “Crikey, they look just like ants from up here.” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • Isildur, gesturing at self and pointing at Anarion: You’ve got a thing … a little … bird’s nest over your eye there.” (No Text)Wídfara
    • my brother and I were JUST having this conversation not one hour ago! Nyére
      We were listening to the soundtrack in the car and when we got to the appropriate part, I said that the Pillars scene was my favorite one. A conversation about what they were thinking ensued.
      “Pull my finger” or “Good *god* my arm is tired”
      My brother also suggested alternate positions for the pillars, including:
      -Both pillars in a reclining position
      -One pointing off to the side and the other holding a sign that said “Hey, you’re going the wrong way, our kingdom and treasure is over there”
      -One in the ‘mooning’ position, the other one with his middle finger out
      ..Well, I think it’s odd, anyway, that we were just talking about that… clearly Mrs. Boromir and my brother are on the same brain wave.

    • No, it’s MY turn to sing the lead on “Stop! In the Name of Love” for the next river tour group! (No Text)Annael
    • From my boyfriend’s stoned roommate — “Stop: Hammer time!” (No Text)Lottelita
    • “My arm’s getting really tired!” (No Text)Marigold Gamgee
    • I like this one —Ugly Troll
      King One: Hey, those boats didn’t stop!
      King Two: Argh! I hate when that happens.
      King One: Do you have any loose rocks about you can shake off at him?
      King Two: Nah, I used the last loose one to pick off an orc yesterday.
      King One: Ya know, we could probably be a lot more effective if we weren’t stoned all the time.

    • Pardon me. Do you have any Grey Poupon? (No Text)Wídfara
      • aaaa! run away, run away!! (No Text)greenleafphf
      • Oh, behave! (No Text)Uitlander
        • you started it.. 😉 (No Text)woodelf1
          • That’s tellin’ her! *gently pushes woodelf1 forward* (No Text)Wídfara
            • *ouch* not so hard! —woodelf1
              i think i’m scared! i didn’t mean it! *runs and hides*
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