Mathom House

An archive of threads from the good old days of TORn …

Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (9)

SCENES FROM THE HAT: Books found in Sauron’s library — Mrs. Boromir (7/10/02)

  • “Who Moved My Ring?” (No Text)Annael
    • Darn! (No Text) — —Twilight Mere
  • The Lonely Planet Guide to Mordor (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • “Lord of the Flies” hey, you gotta start small. 🙂 (No Text)esiwmas
  • Everything I Ever Really Needed To Know, I Learned In Eregion (No Text)Eowyn of Penns Woods
  • Bridget Jones’s Diary (No Text)bunny of many colors
  • Frodo Shrugged (No Text)Wídfara
  • Don Quixote of la Shire (No Text)Pennadariel
  • Ophthalmology for Dummies (No Text)Eledhwen
  • The Joy of Hex (No Text)HRHArwen
  • Mordor on $5 a Day (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • The Fine Art of Friendly Persuasion (No Text)HRHArwen
  • Travels with My Ent (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • The Whole Middle Earth Catalogue (No Text)Blue Wizard
  • Nazgul for Dummies, or Growing your finger back in 12 easy steps. (No Text)Enchantress
  • A Tale of Two Towers (Dickens revision) (No Text)Nomad
    • LOL Very good!! (No Text)Ginger
  • Chicken Soup for the Maia Soul (No Text)Celandine Brandybuck
  • Microsoft’s Ledger of course (No Text)Gaffer
  • How to Eliminate Elves and Other Household Pests (No Text)Uitlander
  • “How to Find Anyone Anywhere” (No Text)Morwen
  • “It’s Okay to Delegate Authority” (c. 1600 S.A.) (No Text)Soothfast
  • If You Give an Orc a Cookie… (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • “Me, Myself, and Eye” (No Text)The White Rider
    • LOL! I like it! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • “How to minimize stress and conflict in the workplace” (No Text)The White Rider
    • Shouldn’t that be “maximize”? (No Text) — Soothfast
      • that’s true! (No Text) —Bifur
      • d’oh! (No Text)The White Rider
  • “Volcanology and Blacksmithing — Together at Last” (No Text)Soothfast
  • The Catcher in the Eye (No Text)Nomad
  • “An extensive guide to forging techniques” (No Text)The White Rider
  • Visine 2002 Catalog of Products (No Text)Nomad
  • “How to Work With a Difficult Boss” (1st ed.) (No Text)Soothfast
  • Halfling Torture Techniques: A history (No Text)Nomad
  • The Zen Guide to Palantír Maintenance (No Text)Celandine Brandybuck
  • So You Want to Build a Tower (No Text)Soothfast
  • An Opthamalogist’s Guide for Eye Conditions (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • What to Expect When You’re Expecting Orcs (No Text) —Celandine Brandybuck
  • “7 Habits of Highly Effective Evil Overlords” (No Text)Annael
  • “How to Grow Uruk-Hai” (No Text)Ginger
  • “Easy-to-learn Cooking while still being able to boss a bunch of Orcs around.” (No Text)Frodosgurl
  • “How to take over Middle-earth and Make Pretty Rings at the Same Time.” (No Text)Frodosgurl
  • Harlequin Romance Volume 78: “Arwen’s Innocence” —lumpkin
    I think he’s secretly a lonely misanthropic chap with a romantic heart! Either that or he likes the idea of how mad Elrond would be if he knew Arwen posed for the revealing picture on the cover.
  • Machiavelli’s “The Little Prince” —DiamondTook
    A charming allegory in which all of the whimsical and delightful cast of characters are executed…
  • “Taking over the world for Dummies” (No Text)The White Rider
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Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (8)

SCENES from the HAT: Little known facts about Farmer Maggot – —Mrs. Boromir (7/7/02)

  • Keeps crop of… —Linnet Brandybuck
    …”special” mushrooms a secret (between him and Bombadil) in hopes of preventing further raids from Buckland…
  • His dogs’ REAL names are Skippy, Fluffy, and Bingo. (No Text)ceremony
    • And they’re poodles. (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
  • Drives Mrs. Maggot crazy by using discussion board acronyms IRL. —Wídfara
    Mrs. Maggot: Dear, did you take the trash out?
    Farmer Maggot: ROFLMAO! btw, IRL you’re a hotty! Oh, brb! *hears email indicator and runs to computer, tripping over dog*

    • so I’m stupid but – brb? What???? translation, please! (No Text)greendragon
      • be right back… —DiamondTook
        where’s CB with her handy dandy translation thingie???
    • *snarf* —DiamondTook
  • Gandalf’s “Fly, you fools” is really a veiled reference to Maggot’s emerging role in the Fellowship. —Wídfara
    Sadly, the Fellowship didn’t pick up on it, as it was *too* veiled. Much like this attempted joke.
    • They didn’t pick up on it even when —Leto
      they were all confronted by that lovely pile of dung on the road!
    • *watches pun fly over TORnsib’s head* —Nessimë
      You really are ‘Raid’ing the pun cupboard.
      Farmer Maggot – christened ‘Louis’?
      (not sure if you’ll understand all this… 🙂

      • You are, of couse… —Watson
        …speaking of the original “Fly,” and not that thing Jeff Goldblum did…
      • *teeny voice* help me!! (No Text)DiamondTook
      • *scrunches up face really hard* —Wídfara
        “Farmer Maggot – christened ‘Louis’? (not sure if you’ll understand all this… :)”
        Oh, I *so* want to get it! *wonders if I stare at the words long enough they’ll reveal their hidden groaner* Is it a Kiwi thing? Or am I really a simpleton? (That last question is sorta rhetorical. You don’t have to answer.) : – )

        • No… it’s not even *really* funny… —Nessimë
          When I was little, the Raid ad (Raid = flyspray) had a character called ‘Louis’, and there’s a little jingle along the lines of…
          “Say ‘bye bye’ to Louis the fly!”
          …Fly you fools…
          Heh. *sigh* 🙂

          • *falls over in a dead faint* —Wídfara
            Oh, the Raid-soaked paths we’ll follow in pursuit of our puns. Good one, Nessimë. And, now, I’ll have the (choose one) pleasure/pain/misfortune of taking that to my bed, as I’m heading to dreamland. (Please, Eru, don’t let me dream of this thread. And make Mrs. B not be so evil with her future rich, wonderful, exhausting StfH.)
            • Oh my… —Watson
              Ancient as I am, even I don’t remember that one! But I remember that the son of the original Fly was named Louis (pronounced the French way, of course). The things our brains come up with…
      • *taps forehead* think think think —DiamondTook
        nope… I’m at a loss too…
    • That is one of the worst puns…. —Watson
      …I have ever seen. Which, of course, means it’s good. Clever!
      • *bows, wipes a large bead of sweat from brow* —Wídfara
        Whew! I thought I had delved too greedily and too deep into the pun barrel. Thanks, Watson!
        • You’re welcome —Watson
          Maggots, flies… yeah, I come from farm stock, where such things are all too common in the pasture. Terrible pun — and I’m glad it was deliberate! I have seen things like that done by accident in newspaper headlines! 🙂
  • He and Tom were drinking buddies- they loved to watch football together. (No Text)°Angelica°
  • he has a secret storage room for carrots (No Text)Frodosgurl
  • makes obscure references to fantasy novels at the dinner table. (No Text)Dolaurwen
  • When completely alone, experiments with parting his hair on the other side. (No Text)Wídfara
  • He was raised by Cave-trolls! *winks to DT* (No Text)Earendil The Mariner
  • Has an “outie” (No Text)Wídfara
    • ROTFLMAO! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • he has a thing for Aragorn…. stridersGURL
  • Shot J.R. —Mrs. Boromir
    Anyone get this old one?
    • Woke Bobby up from his dream. (No Text)Wídfara
      • Married Kristin (No Text)DiamondTook
        • Backstabbed Cliff Barnes. (No Text)Wídfara
          • Gave Momma a heart attack (No Text)DiamondTook
            • That would be “Miss Ellie Southworth Ewing (Farlow)” to *you*! —Wídfara
              Named, obviously, for “elanor”: A golden, star-shaped flower, with a name meaning sun-star. Sam Gamgee first came across it in Lórien, and named his eldest daughter, Elanor Gardner, from it.
              (See how I pulled us back around to LOTR! Just in time, apparently, before the OT police come in to haul our Dallas-loving #$@*es away!)

              • *eyes wide with wonder* —DiamondTook
                You are truly brilliant, Wid!! That was amazing!!!
                • Confessions from the Hat: —Wídfara
                  I got it from I carry around a lot of arcana (that’s THREE, Ataahua and Scout B!), but, alas, not all the married names of Miss Ellie. Mad?
                  • Are you mad? —DiamondTook
                    Yes, i believe you’re quite off your duff! am i mad? well, I’ve been known to repair a few watches in my day (Mustard? let’s not be silly!) Angry?? Never!! :):):)
  • Runs amok every Friday night at The Floating Log in Frogmorton. (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • Then goes on ad nauseam about how Oswald acted alone. (No Text)Wídfara
      • LOL! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • He took the Pepsi Challenge. Chose Jif. (No Text)Wídfara
    • LOL!! His mama’s so skinny she can go hang gliding on a Dorito! (No Text)DiamondTook
  • Mr and Mrs Maggot wear the same underwear. (No Text)Pipe to Nul
    • Not at the same time, I hope! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
      • Have you heard the term “Hot Swapable”? (No Text)Pipe to Nul
        • Have *you* heard the term… —Wídfara
        • *steps back* Nooo, and I’m not sure I want to. ; ) (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
          • crazy foreigners with their odd hobbies… (No Text)DiamondTook
  • He’s “The Farmer in the Dell” (No Text)Eorlinga
    • “The ‘shroom stands alone, the ‘shroom stands alone…” (No Text)DiamondTook
  • He’s a Shriner! (No Text)luinfalathiel
    • He’s the Potentate of this here Shriner Temple! (No Text)DiamondTook
  • Is president of the ME PEF club (No Text)Herself the Elf
  • Is a snob who likes it pronounced ‘Ma-go’, if you please….. —greendragon
    Like ‘Hyacinth Bucket’ (“It’s BOUQUET”) for anyone who’s ever seen ‘Keeping up Appearances’!
    • Maybe that goes for Tom Bombadil too —Tauriel
      I mean, he does have that thing about singing all the time.
    • He’s a farmer of the ‘managing my country estate’ variety….! (No Text)greendragon
    • Yup! Good one!! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • He buys his overalls and flannel shirts at the Gap. (No Text)Morwen
    • of Rohan… 🙂 (No Text)DiamondTook
  • He often goes into the Old Forest… —Patty
    where he and Old Bombadil have a secret moonshine still. “Merry-dol ra boom de a-ding a ding dolly!” (hic!)
  • er, sorry, I have a question…. —Elfmei
    …always wonder what the meaning of “SCENES from the HAT” thread?
    • It means —Mrs. Boromir
      the equivalent of putting a bunch of ideas for a topic into a hat and drawing one. I had the same question long time ago and that’s what I was told.
  • Has his lads run off the competition at the local farmers’ market. (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • He raises THOSE kinds of mushrooms. (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • Ahh, so that’s why kids were always trespassing… (No Text)ceremony
    • Must have a shrine to St. Ro, then… (No Text)Celandine Brandybuck
  • “Farmer” is his real first name. (No Text)Wídfara
  • He is really a dwarf – why, you say? Well… —Tauriel
    …In Norse mythology dwarves were maggots that the gods gave human form, that’s why!
    • Interesting, Tauriel. —Mrs. Boromir
      Makes one wonder just how many hidden meanings there are behind the names of people, places and things in LOTR. But that’s another discussion all together.

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Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (7)

SCENES FROM THE HAT: If LOTR characters were famous singers or singing groups – —Mrs. Boromir (7/3/02)

  • Elvish Presley? (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • That was one of the best threads I’ve read in ages!! Good work all. (No Text)Aragorn’s Sexy Scar
  • Boom-shakalaka-Boom-Doom went the drum machines in the deep (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
  • Frank Sauronatra (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • “Fly me from Mt. Doom”.. —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
      I know Sauron wouldn’t sing it, but *I* thought it funny…
    • *groan* Good one, Mrs. B. (No Text)Wídfara
      • If you can’t unmake it there, you can’t unmake it anywhere, it’s up to you, Sammath Naur, Sammath Naur (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
        • …singing “Stranglers in the Night”… (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
          • “. . . and I did it MY WAY!” (No Text)Annael
            • Ol’ Red Eyes, yup. (No Text)Annael
  • Legolas as Ted Nugent.. (No Text)Nazgul_Kidney
  • Celebrian Dion (No Text)Annael
    • Or Celandine Dion? (No Text)Tauriel
    • HAH! Good one! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Legolas: “It’s Not Easy Being (a) Greenleaf” (No Text)
  • The Bree Village People! (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • Peter, Aulë, and Merry (No Text)Wídfara
  • Numenorean TA-beruthiel Choir? (No Text)elf_wannabee
  • quENYA? (No Text)elf_wannabee
  • The Neekerbreekers (Beetles)? The Mordor Tower (Tabernacle) Choir? The Woses? (No Text)elf_wannabee
    • The Neekerbreekers singing Gladden Fields Forever. (No Text)Wídfara
      • Ooo! Good one! *glares* (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Wain Newtonriders (No Text)Wídfara
  • Legolas and Aragorn ARE the Blues Brothers singing “Gimli Some Lovin” —Mrs. Boromir
    Blasphemy… (hangs head)
    • ROFL!! (No Text)luinfalathiel
    • I really need to hit you now. —Wídfara
      Some of these are real groaners, Mrs. B.
      (Great SftH, by the way.)

      • Oy, don’t I know it. —Mrs. Boromir
        But as I said, I was inspired by Ugly Troll (*cough* who’s his girlfriend *cough*) and his “Nob Dylan” at the Prancing Pony.
        Are you typing as you drive to Kentucky…I knew you were talented but wow! Or don’t you leave till tomorrow?

        • *cough* tomorrow *cough* —Wídfara
          ROFLMAO! Very subtle, very subtle. *still laughing*
  • Bruce Springsteen and the Balrogs “I’m on Fire” (No Text)Morwen
    • also “Dancing in the Dark” (No Text)Annael
    • and “Celeborn to Run” (No Text)Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
  • Jewel of Fëanor (No Text)Wídfara
  • Lee Greenwood the Great (No Text)Wídfara
  • Night Ranger! 😀 (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • Rod Steward of Minas Tirith … ? —luinfalathiel
    OK, I’m reaching … 🙂
    How about Dead or Alive, with Gandalf as the lead singer?

  • Moria Carey (she’s about dwarf size, right?) (No Text)Wídfara
  • Merry Knight and the Pip? (No Text)Annael
    • “The Five Pips” — shudder…. (No Text)Watson
      • The Four Weathertops (No Text)Wídfara
        • Ike & Tina Turin (No Text)Annael
        • LOL! What corny fun! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Steely Dunedain!! (No Text)Thevina Finduilas
  • Steppenwarg singing “Beorn to Be Wild” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Sauron in the Tower of Power! (No Text)Scout B
  • Tom Bomb and the B52s …(ugh) (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Earth, Wind and Fire (the elvish rings). (No Text)Patty
  • The Hobbits could be the Monkees… (No Text)Enchantress
    • No, they’re the Fab Four (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
    • Or Liberace, I wonder if he can play the piano? (No Text)Enchantress
  • Dunedan Dunedan (No Text)Annael
  • The elf, the dwarf, the human and the orc singing Y-M-C-A… (No Text)Ugly Troll
    • I would pay a lot of money to see Elijah, John Rhys-Davies, Orlando, and Viggo in costume doing that . . . (No Text)Annael
      • Who would be wearing the Indian headdress? *snert* (No Text)Enchantress
        • Lurtz (he’d be in the line too) (No Text)Annael
        • ACK! There’s 5 of them? My mistake, add a troll :o) . (No Text)Ugly Troll
    • BWAHAHAHAHAHA! —Magrat
      Ow, laughing that hard can crack a rib.
  • The Backroad Hobbits! (No Text)Chewie
  • The Trolling Stones —Mrs. Boromir
    Is it tacky to play at one’s own game…?
  • A Dwarvish rock group: Aerosmiths (No Text)Wídfara
    • Aulesmiths? (No Text)Annael
      • Aerosmith could work… —Watson
        …if it referred to Manwe and Aule
  • Lóni Mitchell: They paved Valinor and put up a parking lot. (No Text)Wídfara
    • HAH!! …wait, that’s not funny (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
      • Construction foreman: And get the backhoe in here to knock down these two trees! (No Text)Wídfara
        • *beep beep beep* Watch out behind. (No Text)Enchantress
          • *tsk tsk* Valinor needed a Sustainable Development Committee. (No Text)Wídfara
            • No kidding! Next thing they’ll get is a Wargmart! (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
              • And a Hooter’s right next to the Prancing Pony. —Wídfara
                Poor Barliman. How will he compete?
                • Ahhh, for the large busted, um, Dwarves??? (No Text)Enchantress
  • Lena Horne of Gondor (No Text)Wídfara
    • Ohhhh,, That is soo begging to be satirized —Enchantress
    • HAHAHAHAHAHA!! (No Text)Scout B
  • Saruman in “Cheap Trick” ??? (No Text)Scout B
  • Celembrimbor (sp): Lead singer of The Smiths, Numenor and Valinor: The Westside Connection (No Text)vedhed
  • An Archie comics spin-off: Queen Berúthiel and the Pussycats (No Text)Wídfara
  • The Ents as….The Screaming Trees (No Text)Scout B
  • Aragorn in Night Ranger. (No Text)Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
  • Eowyn could be in the Violent Femmes. (No Text)Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
  • Gimli, lead guitar (ax) in Molly Hatchett? (No Text)Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
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Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (6)

Original Post
SCENES FROM THE HAT: Overheard at Bilbo’s Birthday Party
(No Text) — Mrs. Boromir (7/1/02)

  • “You’re only going to eat 11 helpings?? You eat like an elf!” (No Text)esiwmas
  • Hobbit #1, with a sneer: “*This* beer isn’t proper 1420!” Hobbit #2: “But it’s not 1420 yet!” Hobbit #1: “Oh. My bad. Good beer!!” (No Text)Wídfara
    • “and it’s free!” (No Text)Patty
      • Hobbit # Wídfara: “FREE?!” *chug chug chug* (No Text)Wídfara
  • “Do you reckon that her foot hair is really blonde?” (No Text)Pipe to Nul
  • Here…finest weed in the *cough* South Farthing… *cough* (No Text)Uitlander
    • Dude…I’ve got the munchies! (No Text)humblehobbit
      • yo, try some of this cherry tart…wow… (No Text)Uitlander
        • It’s HUGE! (No Text)Scout B
          • Thanks…. (No Text)MrCere
            • [eye roll so severe that they may not return to normal state] (No Text)Scout B
  • “He doesn’t look a day over eleventy.” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Did I say Springle-ring? I meant to say, let’s do the Gator. (No Text)L. Ron Halfelven
    • LOL – now there’s an image. (No Text)Annael
  • Sam: Rosie, met me behind the Party Tree in fifteen minutes . . . (No Text)Samantha Baggins
  • Merry: “I dare you to tie Gandalf’s shoelaces together.” —Ugly Troll Pippin: “OK”
  • Rosie: “I don’t know, Sam’s pretty cute . . . besides, have you seen how *big* his feet are?” (No Text)Samantha Baggins
  • Mr. Proudfeet: “Heh heh…it’s really ProudFOOT…” (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • By Lobelia–“Otho, grab a couple extra pieces of that cake!” (No Text)Patty
    • “quick, put those beer steins in my purse!” (No Text)Annael
      • “… And the coffee spoons …” (No Text)Idril Celebrindal
        • “I’ll have that flower vase on the table. He’s got more of ’em!” (No Text)Patty
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    Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (5)

    Original post
    Scenes from the Hat: Elrond’s parting words as the Fellowship leaves Rivendell:
    —Wídfara (6/21/02) —

    Mrs. Boromir is out of pocket this weekend. (Apparently, she and Faramir are on a Disney cruise on the Bay of Belfalas.) In her absence, and with bows to luinfalathiel and Mrs. B, I offer this SCENES FROM THE HAT.

  • Elrond: “Bye bye boys! Have fun storming the volcano!” Glorfindel: “Think it’ll work?” Elrond: “It would take a miracle.” (No Text)Silverlode
  • I would have quite liked to try sending them home tied up in a sack, but Gandalf insisted….. (No Text)greendragon
  • Good, with that Onering gone, my crown/tiara/forehead accessory thing is now the finest piece of jewelry in Rivendell again. 🙂 (No Text)esiwmas
  • Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart and you’ll never walk alo-oooone! (No Text)Clueless_I
  • Ah, now I have time to take a nice strawberry bubble bath! (No Text)Shadowfaxrules
  • (to Arwen) Look, I don’t mind your boyfriend coming to visit, but you have to stop telling him to bring those weird little friends of his! (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • Wait!!!! You forgot sunscreen!!!! (No Text)Dolaurwen
  • Glorfindel, lower the disco ball, fire up Gloria Gaynor, fetch our feather headdresses and let’s bring the Last Homely House down! (No Text)lumpkin
    • Y M C A…..(all together) Y M C A (No Text)Enchantress
      • A. M. A. N.!! Oh, it’s great to live in A. M. A. N.!! — Marigold Gamgee
        • “You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal … ” (No Text)luinfalathiel
          • Hobbits! Come & do this for us, I said… (No Text)Dolaurwen
  • Arwen, I just know that dwarf stole towels from his room – put the cost on Gloin’s bill. (No Text)Annael
  • Are you gettin’ a taxi cab to Mordor .. if so — NotAnElf
    “May the cars line up in their places”
  • Thank heavens – they’re gone…. (No Text)Enchantress
  • *aside to Glorfindel* Elrond: “Betcha five dollars we’ll never see them again.” Glorfindel: “Make it $10 and you’re on.” (No Text)Wídfara
  • don’t forget to ring.. — NotAnElf
    I mean the ring…
  • Bring me back a t-shirt. (No Text)cabbage’n’taters
  • finally, farewell, fellows (No Text)Arador
  • “So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodnight!” (No Text)Eledhwen
  • Kommen sie wieder wenn sie nicht so lange bleiben kann. — Gaffer
    Roughly translated: Come again when you can’t stay so long.
  • “Oh, and Frodo… — Nazgûy
    …get me one of those nice souveniers that says “The Fellowship went to Mordor and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”
  • On your way now*yawn* you’ve taken up so much of my time! (No Text)Elbereth Tinuviel
  • Don’t let the door. . . — Fladrif
  • Don’t forget to bring me something!! (No Text)Wídfara
  • I don’t suppose I’ll see any of you again! (No Text)Eledhwen
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    Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (2)

    Scenes from the Hat: Words exchanged between Gandalf and the Balrog on the way to the bottom of Khazad-dum (6/17/02)

    • B: So, what’s up? G: Everybody else, I think! (No Text)— Earendil The Mariner
    • B: So I guess this means I can not pass? G: You’re a bit slow, aren’t you? (No Text)— esiwmas
      • —LOL! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
    • Good grief, old chap, you’ve let things slide a bit down here. Maid’s day off, is it? (No Text)— Greenwood Hobbit
    • G: I thought I made it clear that whole ‘whips and leathers’ thing was over between us? (No Text)— greendragon
    • Gandalf: Got any sixes? Balrog: Go Fish. (No Text)— Gaffer
    • Gandalf grumbles: It’s times like these I wish Balrogs had wings… or do they…THUNK. (No Text)— Nimfalma Took
    • B: Could you PLEASE try to keep your robes from blowing up over your head!” (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
      • —G: You know you like it. ::wink wink:: (No Text)— Jennie
    • Gandalf thinks to himself: “Good, at least I’ll have something to land on.” (No Text)— luinfalathiel
    • G-“Now I’m Free….” B&G-“I’m Free-Fallin…” (No Text)— Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
      • —lol: good one Foe! (No Text)— Eirhren
    • Movie Quotes — TheLidlessEye –
      Balrog: “I’ve never lost a fight!”
      Gandalf: “Except to a crippled old man just now.”
      – The Mask Of Zorro
      Balrog: “We’re dropping 2,000 feet!”
      Gandalf: “It’s all right, dear. Don’t start worrying ’til we get down 1,999. The last foot is dangerous.”
      – Never Give A Sucker An Even Break
      Balrog: “I can fly!”
      Gandalf: “That isn’t flying, that is falling with style!”
      – Toy Story

      • —Haha! That’s great! — Marigold Gamgee — “It’s falling with style!” LOLOL!!
    • Balrog: “I thought luinfalathiel did Scenes from the Hat!” Gandalf: “Noooo, now it’s Mrs. Boromiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrr……..” (No Text)— Wídfara
      • —Wow! Gandalf mentioned my name?! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
        • Hey, I’m pretty alarmed that the Balrog mentioned MY name!! (No Text)— luinfalathiel
          • *sing-song voice* I think he’s got his eye on you! — Mrs. Boromir
            His good eye, not the one that got singed back in 1252.
        • I might have mentioned something — Wídfara
          to him about you. Let’s see. What was it? Oh, yes, on two occasions.
          Several years ago he was worried about the future of the line of the Stewards of Gondor, specifically, about finding a suitable mate for Faramir. He had heard that Eowyn might be interested in Faramir, and he had also heard about your romantic interest in Faramir. Gandalf asked me what I thought (he knows that I keep my ear to the ground). Frankly, Mrs. B, I told G that I thought Eowyn would make a better Queen (Princess, whatever) of Ithilien. I’m sorry, but with all your duties in Minnesota AND your interest in Faramir’s brother, that was my advice.
          And the second time, Gandalf was going to Bree on some errand, and I asked him if he would pick up some Milk Duds for you.

          • *pouts* I’ll get over it. — Mrs. Boromir
            LOL, Wid! You’re a hoot!
  • Balrog to G: I’ve always loved you. — Jennie — (Apologies to The Blues Brothers)
    • Is that a Bud-lite? — Go-Helm — Taking it a different direction.
  • Oh look. I got a 5.9 from Aragorn (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
  • You know, this might be our last few minutes alive. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
    • **in a Mark Hamill voice** NOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (No Text)— Nomad
      • How about in a Mark Hamill whine: But I was going to go into town and get some power converters! (No Text)— MrCere
        • Or how about a Hayden Christian whine: “Well I couldn’t find one with an open cockpit!” (No Text)— Marigold Gamgee
    • I think so, Gandalf. But aren’t orcs allergic to strawberry bubble bath? (No Text)— Jennie
      • ROFL! — Marigold Gamgee — *narf*
  • Whazzup? (No Text)— Goeth-Helm
    • Don’t you mean Whazzdown? (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
      • — *ba-da bump* oh! (No Text)— Goeth-Helm
  • G: ‘Are they still watching?’ B: ‘No I don’t think so’ … … — Nomad
    G: Fantastic!! I’m glad we working this out ahead of time.
    B: No kidding. I soooo need a vacation.
    G: Let’s head up top after and shoot off some fireworks to complete the show.
    B: Grey Pilgrim, You’re the best!!

    • LMAO! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
  • G: so… (long silence) B: yup…. (long silence) G: How’s the family? B: Oh, they’re good.. How’s the wizard thing workin’ out fer ya? G: oh, just fine…just fine… (long silence til they hit the water) (No Text)— Eirhren
    • ROTF! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
  • “Aaaaaahhhhhhhh…” — Vidstige —
    Stop screaming, look at each other.
    Start screaming again.
    Stop screaming again and look at each other.
    Gandalf: “This is like a totally deep hole.”
    Balrog: “Yeah. Do you wanna play 20 questions or something?”
    (Apologies to Bill & Ted)

  • So, a funny thing happened to me on the way to. . . (No Text)— Goeth-Helm
  • Pardon me, sir, but do you have any Grey Poupon? (No Text)— Wingfooted
  • I guess that settles the wings debate (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
  • I see you had the Vindaloo (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
  • Balrog: “So tell me more about this ‘secret fire’ stuff. You need a permit?” (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
  • Got a light? (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
  • Balrog: CANONBAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!! (No Text)— Gaffer
  • Gandalf: “You ever heard of Listerine?” — Nomad —
    Balrog: “No, you ever heard of Speed Stick!?”
  • Leave a comment »

    Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (1)

    SCENES FROM THE HAT – One line obituaries for Boromir

  • “He should have been a Hornblower.” (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • Can’t tell which way the wind is blowing. — Crebain from Dunland (No Text)Shadowen
  • “He paddled well” is starting to take on new meaning… —Aerlinn
  • “I come not to bury Boromir, but to praise him….” Aragorn (No Text)Ugly Troll
  • Dad, can I have his room? —Faramir (No Text)Elwen
    • “Sure. Just help me light the stove first.” (No Text)Morfalathiel
      • You’re bad —Scout B but very funny.
  • There was a little bit of all of us in him: One of Lurtz’ three arrows (No Text)Gaffer
  • “Alrighty then, one down and two to go!” – – Aragorn (No Text)Weige
  • He taught us,..when all else fails, kick ’em in the shins! – Merry & Pippin (No Text)woodelf1
  • Honorary posthumous membership for the Rauros trip — Gondor Canoe Club (No Text)Wídfara
  • He always wanted to use my comb. – Figwit. (No Text)Enchantress
    • …and my shampoo,and conditioner…. (No Text)woodelf1
      • … and your strawberry bubble bath! — Legolas —Lottelita
        Hey, dead men tell no tales!
  • He was always making for me — The Gap of Rohan (No Text)Wídfara
    • A good groaner, Widfara! (No Text)Scout B
    • Well, there was a sale! —Lottelita
      apologies to Cassandra Clare!
    • HA! Good one! (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
  • He gently picked me up out of the snow: The One Ring (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
  • Next time I’ve gotta keep my head about me! – Lurtz (No Text)Enchantress
  • Uruk-hai fodder. — Saruman (No Text)Sweet Master Frodo
    • “Saruman lied … I didn’t get to taste anything!” — Lurtz (No Text)Lottelita
      • and the rest of us can only dream… —Uitlander
        Oh, Boromir, we hardly tasted — er, knew ye!

        • Ha! —Lottelita
          I always think Saruman’s line, “You’ll taste man-flesh,” is diiiirrrrrty. But not undesirable where the men in this movie are concerned!

          • Oh, great. That’s just great. – DownfallenWest—
            Like I needed THAT mental image every time I hear that line from now on!
            Hey, wouldn’t this be a great place to make some quip about how it “comes in pints?!?”

            • I think Roheryn did that on Friday. —Lottelita
              Get that girl in the Fiesta, and it’s all over. 😉
          • ROFL! (No Text)Wídfara
    • “I’ll never forget when he let me blow the Horn of Gondor”–Pippin 😉 (No Text)Hobbit-Of-No-Intellegence
      • *snert* Mind in deep gutter land….. (No Text)Enchantress
    • Hmmmm….maybe it IS folly…. – any other Fellowship member (No Text)Scout B
      • LOL! (No Text)Wídfara
    • I’ve gotta get better help! – The One Ring (No Text)Enchantress
    • “He out-PHF’ed even me.” — Aragorn (No Text)Lottelita
    • He gave me a cool nickname: New Devilry — The Balrog (No Text)Wídfara
    • I’m getting all the fanchicks in the second movie: Faramir (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • Gondor has no Boromir…Gondor needs no Boromir —Elwen
      Sorry, it had to be said.
      • : ( You’re making me cry…we do so need him. (No Text)Rohwen
        • OK, then Aragorn said it. (not us) (No Text)Elwen
        • Yes, I can think of SEVERAL uses for him! >) (No Text)Lottelita
          • Lotty, that banishment thing needs a little work. (No Text)Wídfara
            • Why, all I meant was … —Lottelita

              fixing my car … you know … using the dipstick to check the fluid levels? Adjusting the ballbearings? Making sure everything’s running smooth under the hood? (And now I’M overheating …)

              • yeah right, fixing the car, um hmmmm. —greenleafphf
              • He was my Mr. Goodwrench — Lottelita (No Text)Wídfara
                • *snert* —Lottelita
                  I think I would be so prostrate with grief that speech would be quite beyond me. Then I’d start flirting with the grieving and emotionally vulnerable Aragorn.

                • Must…get…mind…out…of…gutter… —jordan_the_discursive
                  This one could get dangerous!

                  • We’re not helping you, jordan! —Lottelita

                    I’m afraid where Boz is concerned, it’s either gutter-fare or sappy drooling.
        • That cushion idea you had was pretty good……. (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • I envied everything about him (except his mortality, of course). -Celeborn (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • “Anyone have lighter fluid?” – His Father (No Text)Morfalathiel
      • Ooooooh. Nassssssty. (No Text)Jennie
      • LOL! (No Text)Lottelita
    • He got all the breaks, the lucky so-and-so. — Book Boromir (No Text)Wídfara
      • ROTFL!! (No Text)Jennie
    • I’ve just got a few short comments… — Ioreth (No Text)Wídfara
    • Great PR at Council of Elrond – Mordor Tourism Bureau (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • Here lies Boromir. He died by arrow instead of spear. (No Text)Inferno
    • “He called that a BEARD?” — Gimli (No Text)Lottelita
    • His thoughts were very entertaining to read. -Galadriel (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • Thank goodness he died before the internet was invented. —Lottelita
    • He tried to take my ring, but he didn’t really mean it. -Frodo (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • I never trusted the bloke—Sam (No Text)Elwen
    • He made a handsome pin-cushion. -Aragorn (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
      • Boromir … Aragorn … cushions … ::banishes dirty thoughts from mind:: (No Text)Lottelita
        • *receives dirty thoughts banished by Lotty* (No Text)Wídfara
    • Nyah nyah nyah nyah — The One Ring (No Text)Wídfara
    • Handled me so very lovingly: Shards of Narsil (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • He was good-lookin’, almost as good-lookin’ as me. — Legolas (No Text)Wídfara
      • But I look better in a pointy hat: Gandalf (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • He took those arrows like a man….of Gondor: Lurtz (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • He Blew his Horn Well — Merry (No Text)valasarah
    • He should have taken his shield. (No Text)Elwen
    • He bit his nails, but I liked him anyway. — Merry (No Text)Wídfara
    • He had a good speaking voice. — Sauron (No Text)Wídfara
    • He paddled well. – Pippin (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Leave a comment »

    Full original thread: What Smial Is This?

    Nick: Aerlinn (Registered User) Date/Time: Mon, 12/18/2006 at 17:55 EDT Subject:
    A seasonal parody: What Smial Is This?

    From last year; hopefully I’ll manage a new one before the year’s out!

    What Smial Is This?
    To the tune of “What Child Is This?”

    What smial is this which, laid to waste,
    Greets us at journey’s close?
    Strange goings on while we’ve been gone,
    More than Barliman did disclose?

    What smial is this, that closes gates
    And hangs up signs and notices?
    “No this” “No that” – No beer? My hat!
    Some welcoming home this is!

    This, this is not our Shire
    For which we endured danger dire.
    Home, home, we’re home at last –
    But not yet able to rest.

    Why lack you all for food and beer,
    And most of all hospitality?
    You’ve no pipeweed? Villains take heed –
    We don’t hold with such brutality!

    If we hear “not allowed” much more,
    You’ll see what our travels have taught us:
    A lot of Tom-fools with lists of Rules
    Are naught to some foes who’ve fought us.

    This, this is not our Shire
    For which we endured danger dire.
    Home, home, we’re home at last –
    We’ve come to set all to


    Leave a comment »


    The message board lost two prominent members in the early years I was a part of it. There have been others since, but these two I “knew”, and wished I had known better; I helped raise funds for flowers to be sent to Wídfara’s memorial (I remember I found something in the shape of a ring, made of yellow flowers – that seemed about right) and for something to be sent to the Reverend’s family. These two people brought a lot of joy into a lot of lives, in very different ways: the Reverend was a true scholar whose love of Tolkien and his works led him into deep study and sharing of knowledge. Wídfara was one of the funniest people I’ve ever had the privilege to come across, and a bright and brilliant lady. Bless them both.

    It feels right that this is the first page I resurrect from the archive website I used to keep.

    The Reverend

    Family message on boards: Reverend Brian Smith died suddenly of an aneurysm on July 18, 2003.   His friends and family wanted you to know.  If you would like to send messages to the family: c/o Ollie Baptist Church … Ollie, IA …

    “Smith, Rev. Brian Dale

    May 28, 1957 – July 18, 2003

    Memorial Service: 11:00 A.M. July 18, 2003 at Ollie Baptist Church, Ollie, Iowa.

    Visitation: One hour prior to the service. July 18, 2003 at Ollie Baptist Church-Ollie, Iowa.

    Interment: Interment of ashes will be held at Union Cemetery in Iowa Falls, Iowa at a later date.

    Brian Dale Smith was born on May 28th, 1957 in Iowa Falls, Iowa, the son of K. Dale and Carol Waggoner Smith. At age 11, he and his family moved to Marshalltown. Brian was a 1975 graduate of Marshalltown High School and received his Bachelor of Arts degree in Christian Religion & Philosophy from Judson College in Elgin, IL. In 1987, he earned his Masters degree in Divinity from the Northern Baptist Theological Seminary in Lombard, IL. Brian had served in the United States Army from 1978 until 1983 and was stationed in Turkey and at the Pentagon in Washington, D.C. He had served as pastor at churches in Illinois, Ohio and Iowa and had recently been installed as the pastor of the Ollie Baptist Church. His memory is honored by his three daughters; Ashleigh, Alayna and Allison Smith all of Marshalltown; his son Andrew also of Marshalltown; his parents, K. Dale and Carol Smith of Marshalltown; his three sisters; Penny Smith of Peoria, IL, Candy Smith of Monmouth, IL and Wendy Monahan and husband Mike of Peoria, IL; his brother, Brad Smith and wife Lisa of Las Vegas, NV and several nieces and nephews.

    Brian was an avid reader and historian and enjoyed bike riding and playing games with his family. He had also been active in the Ollie Historical Society.

    Memorials may be made in his name to his family.”

    O, God Thy Sea Is So Great And My Boat Is So Small – Prayer of the Breton fisherman

    Regarding finding an online map to his new parish: You’ll have to go out a couple of notches to see any nearby towns: the two closest seem to be Ottumwa and Fairfield…

    The complete root messages of Reverend Brian Smith:

    Collected by Linguilindale

    Mon, 8/4/2003

    Let us read his words and honor him: For darkness will flow between us, and it may be that we shall not meet again, unless it be far hence upon a road that has no returning

    Oh, Hades.

    Nick:Reverend (Registered User)

    Date:Fri, 6/20/2003

    Subject:Oh, Hades.

    In our discussion of the Book of Lost Tales’ notion of the Gift of Men we had cause to notice that the fate of men beyond the world, so important in the later Legendarium, was not mentioned.  This is because in BoLT, there is no such mysterious future.  While Mandos (here called by his proper name Ve, or Vefantur) is the judge of Elves, his wife Fui (later called by her appelation Neinna, lady of tears) is the judge of Men:  “to Ve Fui came not much, for she labored rather at the distilling of salt humors whereof are tears, and black clouds she wove and floated up that they were caught in the winds and went about the world, and their lightless webs setled ever and anon upon those that dwelt therein.  Now these tissues were despairs and hopeless mourning, sorrows and blind grief.  The hall that she loved best was one yet wider and more dark than Ve, and she too named it with her own name, calling it Fui.  Therein before her black chair burnt a brazier with a single flickering coal, and the roof was of bat’s wings, and the pillars that upheld it and the wall about were made basalt. Thither came the sons of Men to hear their doom, and thither are they brought by all the multitude of ills that Melkor’s evil music set within the world.  Slaughters and fires, hungers and mishaps, diseases and blows dealt in the dark, cruelty and bitter cold and anguish and their own folly bring them here; and Fui reads their hearts.  Some then she keeps in Mandos beneath the mountains and come she drives forth beyond the hills and Melko seizes them and bears them to Angamandi, of the Hells of Iron, where they have evil days.  Some too, and these are many, she sends aboard the black ship Mornie, who lieth ever and anon in a dark harbor of the North awaiting thsoe times when the sad pomp winds to the beach down slow rugged paths from Mandos.

        Then, when she is laden, of her own accord she spreads her sable sails and before a slow wind coasts down those shores.  Then do all aboard as they come South cast looks of utter longing and regret to that low place amid the hills where Valinor may just be glimpsed upon the far plain; and that opening is nigh Taniquetil where is the strand of Eldamar.  No more do they sever see of that bright place, but bourne away dwell after on the wide plains of Arvalin.  There do they wander in the dusk, camping as they may, yet are they not utterly without song, and they can see the stars, and wait in patience till the Great End come.” (HoME I, p 78, paperback)

         Encouraging, eh?  I find this absolutely astounding, but remind myself that Tolkien really was writing a mythology for England at this point, and should not be surprised that it is fully mythological.  But this afterlife, unlike the hordes of nature-spirits, is completely unbaptized, unless one wishes to think of the various fates decreed by Fui to be degrees of purgatory.  But it is startling to discover that the undead spirits of Angband were originally provided by the thoughtful Valar.  Unless one counts Barrow-wights as being in this class I can’t think of any
    trace of this early conception that survived into later writings.  I think that we can safely say that it was rejected as too pagan.  The only question to ask is; in your opinion would the later Legendarium have been better or worse if this sort of mythology had survived?

    The gods of war.

    Other orders

    The Gift of Freedom.


    The Path of Dreams

    The Hall of Fire

    Naming a few more names

    Naming Names (Very

    The original

    Invisible Elves. 

    Notes from HoME #6

    Notes from HoME #5

    Notes from HoME #4

    Notes from HoME #3

    Notes from HoME

    The Public Library of Fairfield, IA…

    Outta here.

    Nick:Reverend (Registered User)

    Date/Time:Tue, 5/1 3/2003

    Subject:Outta here.


    Some may have noted that over the last several weeks my participation here has been erratic.  I have in fact been engaged in the Baptist version of a job hunt, which is more like courting than competing, and takes a similar amount of time.  It happens that for the last several months I have actually been professionally unemployed.  This has not been without its advantages (lots of time to spend on TORN), but has on the whole been rather wearing.  I am now seting out for the wilds of Ollie, IA, to take up the pulpit of the Ollie Baptist Church.  And an enormous burden lifted it is.

         On the other hand, it may take some time to re-establish an internet connection.  It is only recently that Ollie voted to allow women to appear in public without a corset, if you know what I mean.  So I cannot say precisely when I may be seen again hereabouts.  Fortunately, NZStrider is back, so I need not feel TOO guilty.  Take care of yourselves.  You are precious.

  • Forgot to ask: Which flavor— Princess of Geekland
  • Congrats!— spencer
  • Hope to see you soon— Princess of Geekland
  • We will miss you here— Lothirienne
  • awwww! loves you we does! bye!  (No Text)— Jocko Drakdödare®
  • Congratulations.— Atlas
  • See if you can get some Ollieans to become TORNadoes.  🙂   (No Text)— Golfimbul
  • When will men be allowed out corset-less in Ollie?  (No Text)— nerdanel50
  • Best of luck, Reverend!  (No Text)— Altaira
  • Best wishes— Merryk
  • Congratulations! I wish you well.— Morwen
  • Not for long, I hope.— JewelTook
  • Farewell wherever you fare— FantasyFan
  • If I’m ever in Ollie…..— Golfimbul
  • Don’t stay away long, Rev….— notlost
  • suddenly I want to move to Ollie and become Baptist— hatster
    • Got yer corset ready?  (No Text)— notlost
  • Come back soon, we’ll miss you!  (No Text)— erather
  • Good Luck, Reverend!  Take care.  (No Text)— Shadowen
  • Nnnnooooooo!— nerdanel50
  • Good luck! Ollie, what an exotic name ; )  (No Text)— IBo
  • Ironically, I know a few organizations in SoCal— Lottelita
  • ditto on the congrats— drogo_drogo
  • The Fairfield Public Library has internet access.— Curious
  • Congratulations, Rev— Ossë
  • Congratulations!— Aunt Dora Baggins
  • Congratulations!  I am sure— NZ Strider
  • Sorry to hear it …— gullygilly
  • Best Wishes, Reverend— Nimfalma Took
  • Eureka!

    Another unanswerable question.

    Gone for Easter.

    What’s special about March 9?

    Here’s a theory.

    Lust for power.

    Gandalf breaking he

    Frodo Baggins charged with War Crimes.

    OT:  Baffled by C.S. Lewis

    Human hero votes are in.

    Vote for final human top ten warrior list.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum:  Summary

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #33:  The Test

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #32:  Evaluation (Summary to follow)

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum
    #31:  How DOES Gollum track through all of that?

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #30:  The role of Boromir

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #29:  The role of Gandalf

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #28:  The Role of Legolas

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #27:  The role of Gimli

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #26:  The role of Aragorn

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #25:  Notes on Dwarven Engineering

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #24:  Orcish tactics.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #23:  Famous Last Words

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #22:  What power IS in a wizard’s staff?

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #21:  The Secret Fire, the Flame of Anor.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #20:  Annotated Bibliography on Balrog Wings

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #19:  The last Word on Balrog Wings

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #18:  Why wait five days?

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #17:  Our heroes freak

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #16:  Fire in the Deeps

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #15:  Magical Combat

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #14:  Mazes in the dark.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #13:  Gripe session.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #12:  The Orc Chieftian..

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #11:  Scoring orcs.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #10:  The wrath of Frodo.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #9:  Trollish physiology.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #7:  Troglodytic small unit tactics.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #7.  Orcish Taxonomy

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #6:  Mapping Moria..

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #5: Gandalf’s Challenge.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #4: Was it well that the pool had sunk a little?

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #3: Why wait five years?

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #2: The fate of Balin’s Folk.

    The Bridge of Khazad-Dum #1: The Chamber of Mazarbul.

    The Bridge of Kazad-Dum: Syllabus

    “Then Turin asked him, “What is fate?”

    I was just rereading UT on wizards…

    Just to get in the first movie post.

    The depth of time….

    How about Many Meetings 12: The Summary?

    This probably means nothing…

    Before we leave..

    By the way, thanks to Thelvina Finduilas…

    Curious, if you’re still collecting…

    From the Lothlorien Laboratory of Evolutionary Research.

    I was browsing…

    We need to track Frodo’s Dreams….

    Note on the Baggins estate.

    So, Curious, where’s part 30 already?

    A meaningless question.

    A mystery of magic

    Confusion among the Elf-Clans.

    An odd insight into Hobbit character.

    A question from nowhere.

    I’m home

    Ennui warning

    For Earendil the Mariner; a lost question

    UT: The Gladden Fields; Summary

    UT: The Gladden Fields #15; A small point.

    UT: The Gladden Fields #14; Elf Relocation

    UT: The Gladden Fields #13; Halfling or less.

    UT: The Gladden Fields #12; Elendil the Very Tall

    UT: The Gladden Fields #11; Calling rewrite

    UT; The Gladden Fields #10: the Elendilmir

    UT: The Gladden Fields #9; Sources of the Legend

    UT: The Gladden Fields #8 Elendur

    UT: The Gladden Fields #7: While the getting is good.

    UT: The Gladden Fields #6: GI Edain.

    UT: the Gladden Fields #5: Who’s in charge here?

    Insight into the Author.

    UT: the Gladden Fields #4; The bad seed.

    UT: The Gladden Fields #3; NOW you want Elrond’s help.

    UT: The Gladden Fields #2 Wouldn’t you rather be crusing?

    UT: The Gladden Fields; why bother?


    A Modern Woman

    A late sighting of Galadriel?

    And so there.

    The definitive cause of the Valar’s hands-off policy.

    In Inquiry into the Waning of the Dunedain. (Absurdly Long)

    I need computer literate help.

    Notes on Balrog Evolution.

    Site of Numenor: Official confirmation.

    Awe your friends.

    Aragorn as a guide.

    Is this any way to write a novel?

    *Dwarf alert*

    Looking for romance?

    UT: Turin among the Outlaws; Beleg

    UT: Turin among the Outlaws; Golug!

    UT: Turin among the Outlaws; the lesser folk of Brethil

    UT: Turin among the Outlaws; the super-heroes.

    Interesting quotes from Tolkien.

    UT: Turin among the Outlaws; “Why should I have walked with an elf-maiden?”

    UT: Turin among the Outlaws; “She looked at the blood…there was delight in her eyes.”

    UT: Turin among the Outlaws; “I am grateful, though much puzzled.”

    UT: Turin among the Outlaws; “You call yourself an outlaw?”

    Excuse me, my internet went down yesterday.

    UT: Turin in Doriath; Melian’s role.

    Here’s an obscure little book…

    UT: Turin in Doriath; Lord Denethor.

    UT: Turin in Doriath; Turin’s Charisma.

    UT: Turin in Doriath; The Ungrateful Wretch.

    UT: Turin in Doriath; The Mama’s boy.

    UT: Turin in Doriath; Turin’s Alibi

    UT: Turin in Doriath; Do the women of Hithlum run like deer, clad only in their hair?

    UT: Turin in Doriath; those roughneck Elves.

    UT: Turin in Doriath; Fate vrs Free Will

    Bored of the Rings.

    UT: Why did Tolkien abandon Tuor?

    Hey, why does Cirdan the Shipwright have a beard?


    ‘I live upon the open Wold in days of peace; Wídfara is my name, and to me also the air brings messages. Already the wind is turning. There comes a breath out of the South; there is a sea-tang in it, faint though it be. The morning will bring new things. Above the reek it will be dawn when you pass the wall.’
    ‘If you speak truly, Wídfara, then may you live beyond this day in years of blessedness!’ said Théoden.
    (“The Ride of the Rohirrim,” The Return of the King”)



    ROBIN ADONA MARVEL, 45, of Memphis, graphic designer for Shades of Gray, died Monday in Memphis. Services will be at 4 p.m. Thursday at First Unitarian Church of the River. Canale Funeral Directors has charge. She leaves her parents, Walter T. and Patricia R. Marvel of Trumann, Ark., and a sister, Judy Stanis Marvel of Georgetown, Ind. The family requests that memorials be sent to Monastery of St. Clare or PETA in Norfolk, Va.
    Original post

    Nick: Mrs. Boromir (Registered User)

    Date: Tue, 10/21/2003

    Subject: Of friends and hope and humor


    One year ago today, many of us here on TORn lost a dear friend and a kindred spirit. I’m not going to dwell on the circumstances surrounding that loss, nor is it my wish to idolize our absent friend. Instead I’d like to take this time to remember Widfara for her kindnesses and her wonderful sense of humor, focusing on what is important in life—hope, friends, and most definitely, humor. I’d like to dedicate this thread, not to Widfara, but those here who remember her and called her a friend.

    TORnwas Rivendell to Widfara. She found solace, friendship and a place to spread her humor and good will. She loved it here. One thing she would want all of us to remember is that we are all drawn to TORn for one reason—Tolkien. We all have the love of Tolkien’s works in common and we all share in the goodness and wisdom that comes from his books. I’ve met some of the best people in the world here, across the ether and in-person, and Widfara was one of them. She’d want us to remember that we should never take for granted what Tolkien and TORn have given us—the instruments which have allowed us to create a common bond and a fellowship.

    I invite you to share, with the Admins’ blessings, remembrances of Widfara’s kindness and especially her humor, and how Tolkien’s works reflect the values of hope and friendship.

    Here’s to all of us, and to Wid.

    If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold,
    it would be a merrier world.

    — Thorin Oakenshield, Hobbit

    I’ve heard so much about her… —Joelle— that’s it almost like I knew her. Thank you all for keeping her alive in your thoughts so those of us who came late can still feel like they knew a wonderful person.

  • *raises a glass* —Aydria Elenlinn— Widfara was great. I had only been on the boards for a couple of months before she passed away, but she made herself a friend right from the beginning. I loved her humor, the SASTs, her hilarious footers (*thin!*), her words of encouragement… she was a wonderful person and dearly missed.
  • One year ago… —Smokering—So many things can happen in a year. So many friends can be made, so much knowledge can be gained, so much sadness can accumulate. It was year ago today that we lost Widfara to depression–for me she was a friend, a mentor and a muse. Her posts were always a hundred per cent guaranteed to make me laugh. She made everyone she knew feel special–she was the first person to reply to my first post on TORn, and when I posted another post in similar vein eight months later, she remembered the reference and responded in kind! After a few months we began sending each other emails, mainly stories I’d written and small anecdotes about our day. I remember a running joke we had about how she dared live in Chicago without a cosh, and a time when she pretended to plead for me to send her another story to cheer her up. I did, without thinking anything of it–now as I look back, I wish so hard that I had taken note of what she really meant–kept emailing–been there more. Wid spent so much of her time taking care of others that it was too easy to think of her as the perfect one, with all her problems sorted out and a good grip on life, and not see her as a struggling human like the rest of us.I remember the one story of her own that she sent me, and how funny it was. I remember the last post she ever wrote me, calling me her ‘precious and precocious Smokering’ and complimenting me on my footer. I wonder now as I will wonder forever, whether he really knew she was saying goodbye at that point.And I remember in harsh detail the terrible night when I found the email from Elendil the Tall, telling me kindly about what had happened. I remember racing to TORn with shaking hands, not daring to believe it was a mistake, unable to believe it wasn’t true. I remember keying in her name under ‘Search’ and a hundred and forty-nine posts with Widfara in them appearing on the screen! I remember crying and crying and my mother unable to comfort me at three in the morning.I remember a sense of awe and grief that hung over TORn. I remember friends who gathered round me and held me tight, despite being on the other side of the world. I remember sharing stories, seeking reassurance, swapping anecdotes and quotes and poems. I remember love as I had never known it before.A year has passed, and the pain has dulled. A year has passed and other friends have filled my life, made my days worth living and phone calls exciting. Through it all one special friend, Tamara, has been there for me. Tamara knew Widfara only a little, and knew we were friends. She helped me through grief as only a friend can, and I saw her trying to take Wid’s place in my life, in her own way. In a way she succeeded where Widfara failed, in staying with all of life’s ups and downs no matter what the cost, and I love her for it.I remember laughter, and I remember tears. I remember starting to write again, months after Wid’s death, afraid that the words would not come. I remember finding one of her emails in my inbox and laughing and crying hysterically at her jokes. I remember constantly seeing her in someone’s footer, in someone’s jokes, and realising that a certain very lucky number of us were bound by the blessing of having known Widfara. I wish I had known her better; I am grateful she let me share some of her life. I know there is a fear on TOrn that some are idolising Wid, making her into an angel when in fact she was a very cheeky devil most of the time! I think if we must romanticise anyone, it is those living–the friends now whose presence we cherish more, just because we know that life isn’t permanent. I want to say thank you to all the wonderful people here on TORn that we don’t have to miss. NZ Strider, whose humour and knowledge raise TORn discussions by a good notch! I was so thrilled to meet him finally last year, and I hope we meet again. Eledhwen, who sent me hilarious and cheerful emails all throughout a time which must have been difficult, after having been run over in the pursuit of geekdom. Grammaboodawg, who is a mother to us all and a fun, loving, caring person to have round. Elendil the Tall, my special friend who has triumphed where I would have failed and forced me into new and exciting types of geekdom (X-Men!!!). Jadeshadow, the geekiest of geeks and most punctual of emailers! Eldersis of Merry, who makes me laugh more often than anyone I know and who is so full of life it spills over in every word she writes. Telkemeniel, who I met a precious few times and who is fun and bubbly and everything a geek should be. Fun crying with you during TTT, Telks! Watson and Curious, who have given me so many different spins on interpreting Tolkien. TOOTL, whose late-night discussions with me in the good old days are a happy memory. And so many others, so many people whose pains we’ve shared, triumphs we’ve rejoiced at, birthdays we’ve *glugged* and opinions we’ve hotly debated. I love you all.So many tears for Wid, but so much laughter. And I think the joy will always outweigh the pain. There is more laughing than crying in my clearer memories of Widfara, and I think it will stay that way.
    God bless you all!
    • Bless you, Smokering.(No Text)Curious 
      *hugs*(No Text)Smokering
  • Wid the Cook —Mrs. Boromir – When I first referred to Widfara as “Wid,” she laughed at having a nick for a nick. It was easy to make her laugh but she was herself blessed with a quick and often savage wit, tempered with the gentleness of a flower. She was one of the funniest persons I’ve ever known (as witnessed in Cel’s wonderful post). I miss those days when we IMed behind the scenes of TORn, egging each other on to post one thing or another to liven up the boards on a slow day. I wish I’d kept some of those messages, but we also emailed quite frequently, as she did with many of you. This letter is one of my favorites because I can just see her, admittedly hopeless in the kitchen, struggling to follow a recipe I’d shared with her the day before.Wid the CookWell, Mary, I just have a minute but I wanted to tell you that your coffeecake is in the oven. Here are some thoughts:Hoity Toity Buttermilk Cinnamon Coffee Cake [her name for it]2 1/4 c. flour (so far so good)1 c. brown sugar (Ah, here’s the rub. The brown sugar in my frig was purchased when the world was young. So it was hard as adamant. Where is Grond, Hammer of the Underworld, when you need it? I finally beat it into submission.)3/4 c. granulated sugar (check)

    2 tsp. ground cinnamon, divided (Mary, Mary. *tsk tsk* Remember your civics! A cinnamon divided against itself cannot stand. Still, at your behest, I divided it, humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic just in case.)

    1/2 tsp. salt (check)

    1/4 tsp. ground ginger (The age of miracles hasn’t passed. I actually had this in my pantry.)

    3/4 c. corn oil (check)

    1 c. sliced almonds (check)

    1 tsp. baking powder (Hard, hard, hard. I finally chipped out a teaspoonful.)

    1 tsp. baking soda (Can you use the kind you keep in your frig for smells? Here’s hoping.)

    1 egg (free range, check)

    1 c. buttermilk (I’m afraid of buttermilk, Mary, but overcame my fears in the interest of your coffeecake. I wondered if you had to “shake well.” It didn’t say (could have been an oversight at the factory) so I shook the hell out of it, just in case.)

    Regarding the instructions, when you said “blend,” did you mean the carpal-tunnel inducing “by hand” blending? Or the “what god intended” electric mixing? I availed myself of electricity.

    “13 x 9 pan” *snort* No, no 13 x 9 inch pan. I used a slightly smaller one and ate a little of the batter raw.

    Okay, must run. The coffeecake is baking (did I remember to turn on the oven?). I’ll let you know how it turns out! Thanks for the recipe! Have a good Sunday!

    • LOL! —Smokering
      Wow, she was brilliant, our Widfara! How did the coffeecake turn out in the end, we wondersss?
    • funny! —Cheshire Cat— That certainly was a sharp sense of humour.
    • *wiping tears of laughter* I can see that Oh so clearly! —Mirkwood Maiden— And I seem to remember her mentioning trying to bake a coffeecake at some point. ROFLMAO! Thank you for sharing this, Mary. It really typifies the Robin we knew and loved!
    • That’s great! —Aerlinn
    • What a sense of humor —Ginger— and my type of cook.
    • Hilarious!!! —jordan_the_discursive
      Cinnamon divided against itself? Who else but Wid would even *think* to say that?!?I’m absolutely collapsed in laughter over this one. Thanks for posting it Mrs. B!!!!
    • That’s hilarious! —Uitlander— “My brown sugar was purchased when the world was young…”
  • Precious gifts. —Kimi—From a draft of LOTR:”I name before you all Frodo of the Shire and Samwise his servant. And the bards and minstrels should give them new names: Bronwe athan Harthad and Harthad Uluithiad, Endurance beyond Hope and Hope Unquenchable.”Would Samwise’s hope have been unquenchable without the love that fed it? And would Frodo have been able to endure without hope if he had not had Samwise’s love? It’s easy to take our friends for granted; they are precious.And on a lighter note: who but Wid could have given me a reason to smile indulgently on Tom Bombadil? Just over a year ago, NZ Strider started a “Let’s talk like Tom Bombadil” thread. I still remember with affection (I can’t quote them accurately, so will spare you my effort) the couplets Widfara and I exchanged, and every time I read the Bombadil chapters they will come to mind.”I will not say, do not weep. For not all tears are evil.”
    • Indeed, each is nothing without the other. —jordan_the_discursive— Lovely words, Kimi. The grief of Wid’s loss was almost beyond endurance, yet even when it threatened to overwhelm some of us, we held onto each other, and managed to see it through. Your quote from the draft is a lovely metaphor for our experience of this tragedy.

    Satan’s bedspread —Ginger—I had mentioned in an email to Wid that I had made t-shirt quilts for my kids before they went to college. She sent me this column she had written for a local paper.Satan’s bedspread and other wintertime projectsI decided to make a quilt over the winter. I’ve never made one before, but, hey, it’s not rocket science. I decided to start on the first day of fall and have a beautifully crafted quilt completed by the first day of spring, March 20. I told all my friends about my wintertime project. I made the announcement with a self-satisfied air, too: “Do you know what I’m going to do this winter? I’m going to make a quilt.” I basked in their warm encouragement and congratulations. But I’m starting to have doubts.

  • What I failed to take into account is that I don’t know how to sew. So, there is that. Oh, I understand the concept: Thread a needle, make a knot, then set about to lash two pieces of cloth together. But I have questions, dark terrible questions: What kind of thread? Does it come in more than one kind? What kind of needle? I can probably handle the knot, even without the help of sailors or Boy Scouts, but what about the cloth?There are millions of bolts of cloth in the stores. (See, bolts is a technical sewing term. Bandying about words like that in front of my impressionable friends is what got me in this mess in the first place.) How do you narrow it down to the right two pieces of cloth which, when lashed together, will produce that warm traditional Amish feeling that I might be after. From speed-reading a quilt magazine in the checkout line, I find out that cloth has grain. It must be lashed together with all the grain going in the right direction. If not, from what I can make out, the queen-sized quilt will, when laundered, turn into a skewed throw for a baby’s bed. Having no baby and no baby’s bed, this is an unappealing prospect.I haven’t actually begun the quilt. I am ostensibly in the pattern-picking stage. If you think there is a wide variety of cloth for sale, you are in for a hearty maniacal horse laugh when you see the infinite number of patterns available. Evidently, since the dawn of time, women have been creating patterns. So, this maddening array of quilt patterns has been parading from cave, frontier, farm, and suburb to choke hobby stores and
    Internet sites near you.You can’t just pick any pattern, especially if you are a novice. The writers of the quilt books and magazines are quick to provide advice in this area. Next to a particularly tempting design, they will write: “The legendary Gazebo Star of Cooper-Young Quadruple Wedding Ring of Fire design (also known as Satan’s bedspread) is a must for any serious quilter. Novice quilters must not under any circumstances attempt this design. Edna Laughinghouse from Sioux City, Iowa, was new to quilting. She attempted this design. By now, you know the sad result. She got her grain going lengthwise and her thread going crosswise. Rescuers had to use the Jaws of Life to free her from the tangled mass.”

    Finally, a bulletin from my “heaping sorrow upon sorrows” department: Add to all this the fact that I am a life-long, unredeemable procrastinator. Peering into the future, I see myself waiting until March 1 to begin. Knowing that supportive friends and family (a meddling bunch who would do well to get their own hobby) will be eager to see my one woman quilt show on the morning of March 20, I will have to work fast. Let’s see. If I take a three-week leave of absence from my job, drink meals-in-a-can for sustenance, and ignore my personal hygiene, I may just finish on time. I guess I was right about one thing. Quilting is not rocket science.

    Rocket science is easy.

    • LOL!!! *gasp* Eeeeps! —Padfoot— You would not believe how many of Satan’s bedspreads I have attempted to make. Some days that includes just making the darn bed!
      Thing is, while we are cyberhugging each other and trying to remember the best parts of a dear friend’s life as it touched our own, Wid is probably just inside the Pearly Gates making St Peter wish they had a port-a-potty.God bless you Wid for the laughter. Shine on.
    • Hysterical! And I love your footer! —Mirkwood Maiden— Thanks so much, Ginger. It means a lot!
      • *gasping for air!* —grammaboodawg
        OMG! THAT’S ME!!!! Bwhahahahahahaaa… only mine has to do with housecleaning and organizing my freakin junque drawers… which means ALL OF THEM!Perfect! I LOVE THIS WOMAN! *still chortling*
      • Beautiful, Ginger. —Mrs. Boromir
        “…supportive friends and family (a meddling bunch who would do well to get their own hobby)…” HA!Your footer pic made me cry.

        • Your footer is very appropriate —Ginger— and made me sniffle. I keep telling myself I was lucky to know her, and to be thankful for that.
      • ROFL! —Eowyn_Shieldmaiden— I have to copy that and send it to my mother – an avid quilter. She will love it. Thanks ginger. 🙂 🙂
      • ROFL *snif* Thank you, Ginger —Aerlinn— That’s fantastic. She who gets the most IEC wins – and I think Wíd wins.
      • OMG!! LOL!!! But also, —jordan_the_discursive
        wiping tears. What a combination of feelings your post provokes!I’m so glad you posted this. And to think she probably just dashed this off fairly quickly… have that much humor and wit, and to be able to express it so well! We were so lucky to have known her, weren’t we?And your footer pic…..
      • SAST fans toast jflower and Roheryn… —UitlanderAs many of us know, Widfara was the original Goddess (and I believe, founder) of the Short Attention Span Quizzes which were wildly popular from the start on TORN. It was the beginning of many noble traditions, such as Invisible Extra Credit for laughs (Remember — if you don’t know the answer, at least make a joke!); the Mediocrity Bench (which many of us who have trouble getting more than three right are *quite* familiar with) and the most-beloved Number Questions (Quick! How many toes on each of Treebeard’s feet?). Sometimes sixty or more people would respond to these quizzes, and Widfara would grade each one personally, offering tribute and praise to those who scored highly, or made her giggle, snert, or snorfle (a cross between a snort, a guffaw and a chortle). She even allowed those of us who forgot to show up for the quiz to email her our late quizzes, without even taking any points off. (Try finding a professor who’ll do that for you!) And now, out of the generosity of their hearts, Roheryn and jflower have restarted that fine tradition. We SAST fans cannot begin to express how much we appreciate all the work it takes to draw up, post and grade all those quizzes. Thank you both for your own special contribution to keeping Wid’s memory and TORN’s traditions alive!*toasts Ro and jflower*
        • Awww…shucks. We haven’t done anything —Roheryn
          worthy of toasting. They’re just quizzes. Jflower was gracious enough to take me on board, and we’ve had fun (though I’m not sure whether I’ve given jflower more giggles or grey hairs over my scatterbrainedness).But thanks. 🙂 We’re glad others enjoy the quizzes too.
        • *raises glass* Here, here!!(No Text)CAhobbit
          *raises mug* —grammaboodawg
          I don’t post on the quizzes often, but I do lurk them… and I do praise Ro and jflower with great praise :)I’d forgotten many of those Widdy references, Uitlander! *still snorfelling* Thank you 🙂
        • *raises glass* Thanks jflower and Ro(No Text)Ginger
        • Hear hear!(No Text)Aerlinn
        • Amen, and cheers!(No Text)Mrs. Boromir
      • Time goes ever on and on… —Mirkwood MaidenAnd while my memories of Widfara have never dimmed, my grief has abated over the past year. Though I confess, I still can’t edit the Album without a twinge of regret that Wid isn’t there to help me with it as she always had done.Widfara was more than a good friend to me. She was a mentor and a guide. I learned a great deal from her about people, emotions and life in general. In a way, I am still learning from her, and I appreciate my friends both cyber and real in a whole new light.The key to understanding the fellowship of the nine is to understand and value friendship. Samwise is the best exemplar of this virtue… but each of the fellowship members acted within the bounds of friendship and loyalty. Through Wid’s absence, I have come to think about these virtues differently, and in some ways, more passionately.So I’d like to raise a glass to friends both old and new, some departed, and others with us still. Thanks to Tolkien for giving us all a common thread, and the biggest thanks to TORn for being the best internet community I have had the privilege to call home for the past 2 years.
        • Well said, MM. *clink*(No Text)Eowyn of Penns Woods
        • Cheers MM.(No Text)Cheshire Cat
        • Very nice, MM. —jordan_the_discursive
          — Lovely words. And your footer quotes are perfect.And we don’t say it enough, I’m afraid, so here’s to you, thanks for all you do in support of our wonderful community here!
        • *lifts glass high* —grammaboodawg— To one and all. Thanks MM… for this and for gathering us together in the family album. Faces with the names makes this all much richer… because of you, m’dear 🙂 {{Mirkwood Maiden}}
        • Cheers, MM —Mrs. Boromir— That was beautiful.
      • A fanfic… —Celandine BrandybuckI wrote this story over the last couple of weeks. It is notabout Wídfara, nor did I write it solely because of her, but it is dedicated to her memory. I chose to use these particular characters to explore the theme because she read and enjoyed one of my earlier pieces with Haldir and Melpomaen (aka Figwit), and made many helpful comments on that one. I hope that a ship bore her across the sea, too.*******DepartingThe king is dying.Rumor ran quickly through the lands, and at its coming, many wept. Few or none were there among mortals who could now recall the days before the return of the king, and though his son was deemed a good man and worthy successor, still, the death of Elessar would be a loss hard to bear.In Lothlórien, the few Elves who remained turned to each other and nodded gravely.”What will happen to the queen? Did she not choose mortality to be with him?” asked Melpomaen.

        “We will simply have to wait and see. Like Lúthien, I would think she will have the choice of when to depart. She spent much time here, as well as at her father’s house in Imladris — she may wish to see Lórien again before she accepts her fate,” said his companion Haldir.

        “It is our duty to be here for Celebrían’s daughter, should she come.” Lórindol spoke with the authority of the eldest among them. “We have stayed all these years because we would not suffer our land to be abandoned, not while the king and queen lived. We will abide yet a little time more, until Undómiel is gone.”

        That winter the snows and rains fell abundantly across all of the king’s realms, and the sun hid herself behind the clouds.


        The king is dead.

        Slow came the word now, as if tongues were reluctant to give voice to grief. Hard upon its heels came the one whom they had half-expected, the widowed queen.

        They discussed whether they should greet her, care for her. She moved as if untouched by the world around. After conferring together, it was decided that they would leave her to herself, unless she sought them out. The king — and thus the queen — had known that there were still Elves in Lórien, and if she wished for aid or friendship, she would seek it. Melpomaen was not happy with the decision, but he acquiesced to the will of the rest.

        Arwen gave no sign that she knew she was watched, though they left her food — the last store oflembas, leaf-wrapped and still fresh after sixscore years. As spring turned to summer, summer to autumn, they saw her wander through neglected Caras Galadon, spending many days and nights in the garden where the Lady Galadriel’s mirror had been. She traveled through the woods to the Nimrodel and slept upon its banks. At last, as winter drew nigh, she returned and dwelt near Cerin Amroth, among the silver trunks and under the golden leaves of themellyrn.

        Then it was that Elladan and Elrohir arrived, riding from Imladris to see their sister one final time. Seeking her first among her children in Minas Tirith, they had been delayed there for some weeks.

        “Where is she?” Elrohir spoke for both of them, when Lórindol greeted them.

        “She is not far, but I do not think she would welcome visitors — not even you. See for yourselves. Her whole being is turned inward, and we have not ventured to disturb her silence. Haldir will show you,” said Lórindol.

        The twins came back, chastened. “We will wait,” said Elladan. “I do not think that it will be long. And what is time to us?”

        When the last of the leaves was falling, they saw Arwen rise and make her way slowly to the crown of the hill, to the center of the double circle of trees there, white boles and silver alternating. There, in the chill starlight, she laid herself down and gave a great sigh.


        For a day they waited, in respect. Then her brothers dug her grave, and raised the mound above it.

        At Arwen’s grave, a score, no more, of mourners stood. Elladan and Elrohir leaned together in their grief, and one by one each Elf present came to murmur words of condolence.

        Last to do so were Haldir and Melpomaen.

        “For her only did we wait. Now we too shall depart,” Haldir told her brothers.

        “The Golden Wood must fade,” said Elladan, resigned. Elrohir nodded agreement, adding, “Galadriel told me that in the West, Yavanna herself planted the firstmallorn. I will like to see that; sad will be the land where nomallorn grows.”

        “That is true. I am glad you tell me that themellyrn thrive in the West, for I would have missed living among them. Will you leave with Lord Celeborn, from the Grey Havens?”

        “Yes. And your people?”

        “Word has come that Legolas builds a ship in Ithilien. Our few folk will join him, now that there is no reason for us to stay.”


        They journeyed south. As long as Lórien remained in sight, many of them turned to look back at it — Haldir not least among them, though Melpomaen kept his face resolutely forward.


        Legolas’s face broke into a smile when he saw the Elves of Lothlórien arrive to share his journey. A few of his own folk were traveling, but most had elected to stay longer in the fragrant woods of Ithilen. Someday they would follow.

        Stumping around the nearly-completed ship, Gimli nodded to Haldir. “A good day to you, Master Elf. I am assured you will not need to bind my eyes this time.”

        “My apologies, Master Dwarf, but it was necessary then.”

        Gimli snorted. “Perhaps.”

        “I am surprised that you travel with us,” Melpomaen said. “I did not know that Dwarves could do so.”

        “Legolas obtained this grace for me, that we need not be parted; he could no longer remain in Middle-earth, now that King Elessar is gone. Did you know the king, yourself?”

        “We met in Imladris,” answered Melpomaen, “but I would not say I knew him well.”

        “Only a little,” said Haldir.

        The Dwarf’s eyes misted over. Legolas put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I would dare say there was never another such king among Men. ‘Tis a shame.”

        “‘Tis a gift,” Legolas reminded him. “You will receive it too, someday, though longer now than if you were to stay.” He looked at Haldir and Melpomaen. “Gifts may be difficult to accept, sometimes.”

        “Aye, lad,” said Gimli gruffly. “I know. To accept your gift I must leave my people behind, just as did Arwen.”

        “For us the pain of grief at such a loss is rare,” mused Haldir. “Though I knew the queen more by reputation than in person, she was still the Evenstar of our people — and with her passing comes the end of all our days here.”


        Onloënde, the day of midsummer, they embarked on the grey ship. Down the Anduin it drifted, sails reefed, guided by oars. When they reached the mouth of the river, with one accord they agreed to follow the coastline around the cape of Andrast and up to Harlindon, before turning west to sail the Straight Road.

        “Are you afraid?” Gimli asked Haldir.

        “That is not the word I would have chosen; apprehensive, rather. I imagine we all are — are you not?”

        “Of course.” Gimli took a deep breath. “I may be closer to you Elves than any other Dwarf has ever been, but that does not mean I entirely relish living among you alone until the end of my days.”

        Overhearing, Legolas said, “Mithrandir will be there, Gimli, though I would be surprised if either Frodo or Sam still lives. You will not be wholly alone. Moreover Valinor will be unfamiliar to the rest of us also. I look forward to encountering Oromë myself, and I suppose you hope to meet Aulë”

        “Meeting Mahal was one reason I agreed to travel with you, yes,” Gimli admitted. “Most of all I would like to see the Lady Galadriel again, and tell her that I have treasured her gift for all these years.” His hand went to the leather pouch on his belt. “Whom do you hope to see, Haldir? Melpomaen?”

        Melpomaen shrugged. “My parents. They left Middle-earth many, many years ago, long before the king returned.”

        “I don’t really know,” said Haldir. “We have given up the life we knew, but in return for what we do not know. I suppose this is how Elessar and Arwen must have felt? To relinquish so much that is beloved, believing that they will be joined together again somewhere, somehow. We cannot follow them — it is not in our nature — but this journey is a fitting memorial, that we also leave all our past for an unknown future.”


        At long last they passed through the Shadowy Seas and reached Tol Eressëa, and came to the haven of Avallónë They could see the peak of Taniquetil shining white in the dawn.

        “Elendil said, and Elessar after him,Et Eärello Endorenna utúlien. Sinome maruvan ar Hildinyar tenn’ Ambar-metta. (1) They could not abide in Middle-earth forever, being mortal, though their heirs will. And we who loved the king could not remain either, now that he is gone, and the Evenstar as well. So for us it is the opposite — from Middle-earth to Valinor we have come, and here we will remain,” said Legolas. He clasped Gimli’s hand. “Now is the War of the Ring truly ended indeed, and here we may be healed of any hurts that still linger.”

        “Nor need we part from those we love,” said Haldir, standing together with Melpomaen. “Those who were lost to us once, we will again find, and there need be no more partings to cause grief — Master Gimli, save for yours.”

        Gimli bowed. “May I say, Haldir, that I would never expected to hear such words from you after our first meeting. Silver are the tongues of the Elves, when they choose! When it comes to be my time to depart, I may miss you almost as much as Legolas.”

        One by one the travelers disembarked from the ship, onto the white strands, and breathed in the air of the Undying Lands for the first time. A new day was begun.



        (1) “Out of the Great Sea to Middle-earth I am come. In this place will I abide, and my heirs, unto the ending of the world.” Spoken by Aragorn in the chapter “The Steward and the King.”

        • How truly lovely, Cel. Thank you so much for sharing it.(No Text)Mirkwood Maiden
        • Beautiful, Cel. Thanks for sharing it(No Text)Entmaiden
        • Beautiful, Cel.(No Text)Eledhwen
        • Oh… —grammaboodawg— That was beautiful…. Thank you 🙂
        • That’s beautiful, Cel. —Aerlinn— Heartbreaking, but hopeful. Thank you.
      • Two memories really stand out —Eowyn of Penns Woods— in my mind: 1) the time she beat Blue in a game of wits—I won’t go into details, but it had to do with a tattoo. *snertle* 2)when she paid me the highest compliment—-her response to my SFTH contribution = “*bows* I’m in the presence of greatness.” No, Wid, *we* were in the presence of greatness when it came to wittiness.She was always gracious and encouraging to others, and didn’t want credit for all of her good works (just ask MM). This is how I choose to remember her.Gone, but never forgotten.
        • Yes indeed. —Mirkwood MaidenI’ll never forget her emphatic request that her work on the Album remain anonymous. She was adamant on that point, and it always felt wrong to me somehow.But that was her. Self-effacing, yet devoted to the greater good of the community. It’s such a shame that her choices were to the great detriment of the TORn boards… but more importantly, to those who loved her in Real Life.She’ll be missed, as today’s tributes illustrate so clearly. It’s good to have this kind of closure.
      • So today’s the sad anniversary, huh? —Clueless_IWid’s tragic passing occurred during my hiatus from the boards, but I sure remember her and her contributions from the time when we were lucky enough to have her around. I can’t say that I was particularly close with her, but I do recall one small (and seemingly innocuous) exchange: after reading one of her typically hilarious footers (“THREE.FILMS!”), I posted that I nominate it “Footer of the Century,” to which she replied. “Thank you – coming from you, that’s really saying something!” A small thing, to be sure, but needless to say it made my week.It’s nice to read all the reminiscences.RIP Widfara
      • My thoughts are with all friends of Widfara today. —Cheshire Cat— I didn’t know her as I only came onto the boards at the beginning of the year, but from the responses to this post I can tell that she was a special person. I’m so sorry for your loss.
        • I’ll drink to that. —ringers rock!— I’m in the same situation and discovered the same special person. Here’s to Widfara, her friends, and her family.
        • Thanks, CC —Mrs. Boromir
          We’re glad you’re here with us. *chin chin*
        • *raises glass* I second that. Here, here.(No Text)CAhobbit
        • *raises glass* —jordan_the_discursive— Although we mourn those we’ve lost, we also heartily toast the new friends we’ve made here! Cheers!
        • {{CC}} —grammaboodawg— There have been so many who have come and gone that were as much an added flavour to the stew as Wid who I wish would come back… assuming they could. Widfara’s wit, though, was always a surprise.
      • More Wídicisms —Roheryn
        I saved Wíd’s emails to me and thought a few excerpts might be appreciated.
        I’d been teasing her with anagrams in my SAST answers and she emailed me in hopes I’d show mercy and give her the solutions:
        Anyway, I wanted to get back to you, even if it was waving a white flag… *looks* No, wait. Those are my granny panties.
        Always self-effacing:
        If you ever need a laugh, just email me. I’m usually good for one (sadly, not always intentionally. *smile* My long list of faux pas are hilarious reading in themselves. But I’m happy to humiliate myself for laughs!).
        And finally, her thoughts on TORn:
        You know, I think it’s really neat how all the posters can be at each other’s virtual throats one minute (spoilers / no spoilers, wings / no wings, dildos pics / no dildo pics), but then when anyone needs help or encouragement, we’re all there 100 percent supporting him or her. TORn’s a special place. It’s also my first experience with an online community or discussion board. Man, I lucked onto the right place.


      • I wish I knew what to say —Eowyn_ShieldmaidenI wish I had saved messages of hers, emails she wrote, one of those hilarious footers she was famous for – but I didn’t. I never thought I would have to save them against an event when she would no longer be able to write them.
        I guess I just miss her. I miss her. I remember being so angry with her when I heard the news. I was so angry and so bewildered. You aren’t supposed to give up. You keep fighting because you have to, damnit. It made me really think of the phrase from Roman Catholic funerals – in the midst of life we are in death.But now as I reflect, I realize that we have it backwards. In the midst of death we are in life! Her passing awakened in me a desire to live and a strength to fight that I had never known before. And I found love and support and a home, and I have friends here that I will never forget. I feel closer to some of you, whom I have never met, than I do to most of my own family. I refuse to be angry anymore. I refuse to dwell on her death just as I refuse to wish for mine. And I thank her for that. And gosh how she made us laugh! Thank you Widfara. I hope you found what you were looking for. Thank you for helping me to find my way.

        • {{ES}} Thanks for the insights… —Miriel Telcontar— and know we appreciate your strength and courage. We were really worried about you for a while! It is good to hear that you are in a good space, doing what you needed to do, and have made a commitment to wellness. Way to go!
        • *flying tackle hug* —grammaboodawg— come’ere you!
        • {{{ES}}} It was a valuable lesson she taught, eh? —Mirkwood Maiden
          And it’s sad that she couldn’t internalize that very lesson for herself. At least we still have the opportunity to reach out to one another whenever and for whatever reason we need help. Just as your footer says.Hugs, M’Dear. You are among friends who love you!
        • {{{ES}}} —RoherynYou’re winning your own fight, ES, and I’ll take that as something very positive resulting from something profoundly sad. Keep it up and know our thoughts are with you.In one of the Little House on the Prairie books, Pa said “There is no great loss without some small gain,” after the family had lost its entire crop of wheat to locusts. I took that quote to heart.
          • And when all is done —Eowyn_Shieldmaiden
            you can actually take the locusts and dip them in honey and eat them. ;)Thanks Ro. 🙂
        • Reciprocated, {{ES}}. Reciprocated.(No Text)Aerlinn
        • ((ES)) —Lottelita— Those are my feelings, as well — that in the midst of sadness and grieving, we can be slapped awake to the value of our own lives and cling all the more tenaciously to what we have and have long undervalued. Perhaps that thought will help me cope with my own persistent anger, regret, and confusion. The laughs we’re sharing now are helping, as well!
      • Laughter and hope…indeed. —Scout B—Thanks, Mrs. B. Perfect message. My silly words about laughter, hope, and Tolkien:The Messenger IISwift Widfara of RohanDelivers a messageIt is very important.Laugh. Laugh often.Ask for help. Any and every time you need it.

        Take the time to do something for somebody else. Today. And tomorrow.

        Tell others what they mean to you. Even if it’s embarrassing.

        Laugh again.

        Realize that Middle-Earth is in each of us. It is so near, we can touch it.

        Fantasize. We can talk to Gandalf, if we really try.

        A final Message:

        Remember hope. It’s always there. You just have to reach for it in the darkness.

          oh… —grammaboodawg
          *tears again* You got me with that one.I think I’ll talk to one or two of the others when Gandalf and I are done 😉

        • Definitely what Aerlinn said. —Mrs. Boromir— It’s not silly, it’s wonderful. I meant to post that earlier and then got distracted. Thank you, Scout.
        • Not in the least bit silly. —Aerlinn— I’ve loved that poem since the first time I saw it. I had it on my wall at work to remind me of what lay beyond the cubicle. *That’s* what Real Life is… Thank you again for that, Scout.
              I think that’s the moral of this thread…(No Text)Aerlinn
          • Silly is as silly does —Scout B


          Yeah – what ‘Linners said —jordan_the_discursive— Not silly at all! You’re a silly goose for thinking it’s silly. :-]

      • Friendship and hope —RoherynA year ago, I and many others here lost a friend. Today, as I ponder what it means to have a friend, and so what it means to lose one, I find Data’s definition (from Star Trek) of friendship playing through my mind: a friend is one to whose sensory input patterns my neural pathways have become accustomed. At a very fundamental level, I think Data hit it right on the nose. I’d add to Data’s idea, though, and claim that making a new friend means creatingnew neural pathways. Losing a friend therefore means losing a part of yourself.I choose to remember Wídfara for her empathy and for her witty sense of humor. Others have shared some of her wit; I’ll share a post she made to me that shows her empathy, and yet leaves me with a deep sense of irony because she ultimately did not heed her own message. I’d had a very rough day and had made a post asking for people to share their favorite comforting Tolkien quotations. Wíd shared four beautiful passages. She wrote the following:
        I like this one, very comforting.
        From Farewell to Lórien:
        “Good night, my friends!” said Galadriel. “Sleep in peace! Do not trouble your hearts overmuch with thought of the road tonight. Maybe the paths that you each shall tread are already laid before your feet, though you do not see them. Good night!”
        This speaks to bravery:
        From Treebeard from TTT:
        “Of course, it is likely enough, my friends,” he said slowly, “likely enough that we are going to our doom: the last march of the Ents. But if we stayed at home and did nothing, doom would find us anyway, sooner or later. That thought has long been growing in our hearts; and that is why we are marching now. It was not a hasty resolve. Now at least the last march of the Ents may be worth a song. Aye,” he sighed, “we may help the other peoples before we pass away.”
        And this to perseverance:

        From The Black Gate is Closed from TTT:

        “I am commanded to go to the land of Mordor, and therefore I shall go,” said Frodo. “If there is only one way, then I must take it. What comes after must come.”

        Sam said nothing. The look on Frodo’s face was enough for him; he knew that words were useless. And after all he never had any real hope in the affair from the beginning; but being a cheerful hobbit he had not needed hope, as long as despair could be postponed.

        And about the possibility of happy endings:

        From The Stairs of Cirith Ungol from TTT:

        “I wonder what sort of a tale we’ve fallen into?”

        “I wonder,” said Frodo. “But I don’t know. And that’s the way of a real tale. Take any one that you’re fond of. You may know, or guess, what kind of a tale it is, happy-ending or sad-ending, but the people in it don’t know. And you don’t want them to.”

        …”Why, come to think of it, we’re in the same tale! It’s going on. Don’t the great tales never end?”

        “No, they never end as tales,” said Frodo. “But the people in them come, and go when their part’s ended. Our part will end later or sooner.”

        “And then we can have some rest and some sleep,” said Sam. He laughed grimly. “And I mean just that, Mr. Frodo. I mean plain ordinary rest, and sleep, and waking up to a morning’s work in the garden. I’m afraid that’s all I’m hoping for all the time. All the big important plans are not for my sort. Still, I wonder if we shall ever be put into songs or tales. We’re in one, of course; but I mean: put into words, you know, told by the fireside, or read out of a great big book with red and black letters, years and years afterwards. And people will say: ‘Let’s hear about Frodo and the Ring!’ And they’ll say: ‘Yes, that’s one of my favourite stories. Frodo was very brave, wasn’t he, dad?’ ‘Yes, my boy, the famousest of hobbits, and that’s saying a lot.’

        …”Why, Sam,” he said, “to hear you somehow makes me as merry as if the story was already written. But you’ve left out one of the chief characters: Samwise the stouthearted. ‘I want to hear more about Sam, dad. Why didn’t they put in more of his talk, dad? That’s what I like, it makes me laugh. And Frodo wouldn’t have got far without Sam, would he, dad?’quot;

        “Now, Mr. Frodo,” said Sam, “you shouldn’t make fun. I was serious.”

        “So was I,” said Frodo, “and so I am. We’re going on a bit too fast. You and I, Sam, are still stuck in the worst places of the story, and it is all too likely that some will say at this point: ‘Shut the book now, dad; we don’t want to read any more.’”

        Tolkien’s messages of hope and courage are like the stars that shine forever beyond the transient darkness; we must remember the light and high beauty even when all seems muted by shadows. Sometimes it takes a friend to help us remember the high beauty of the stars and to nudge us into hoping and finding courage in unlikely places. Take the time today, and tomorrow, and the next, to tell a friend that you care, and share with her or him the eternal light of the stars. By doing so, you share the spirit of Tolkien’s works.

        • I promised —grammaboodawg— myself I wasn’t going to cry today. *tears* When I discovered what happened last year… I disappeared, withdrew through the shock, then pain, then anger, then sadness… but I’ve always, always regretted not standing here with you all, and am determined to get through the day… and your post has made it harder and yet… much better 🙂 Thanks Ro…
        • *hugs* Thank you so much for sharing, Ro. —Mirkwood Maiden— It means the world to me.
        • Beautiful, Ro —Altaira— I remember that thread. I still have a few of those saved myself. 🙂
        • What a wonderful post, Ro! —Mrs. Boromir— A beautiful tribute.
        • Beautiful, Ro. —jordan_the_discursiveLovely words, particularly your last paragraph. May I take this opportunity to put your words into action….Ro, to you, as well as to all my other friends here at TORn, I care about you, and am so happy to have found this place where we can share in each other’s happiness, and yes, in each other’s times of sadness.Wid sent me that same passage about the Ents, just before I went to take the GRE. I was terrified that I would fail, and had shared that fear with her. She responded with an email in which she reminded me that doing something is far better than doing nothing, and included the passage about the Ents. I printed it out, and to this day, have it hanging on my bulletin board here at work, just above eye level, so that I can review it when I need a reassuring presence.
      • Wow, so many —jflowerwonderful thoughts, memories and feelings you all have posted here about Widfara. All these posts reflect the impact that Wid had on others and will allow her to live on through our memories. I did not know Wid as well as I would have liked, but she had such a great wit, thoughtfulness and gentleness in her posts that I just loved to respond and participate. In particular, in case you hadn’t guessed ; ), I loved the SAST and I am proud to be able to carry it on for you all with the help of my wonderful partner and friend Ro. Wid is a tough act to follow, yet well worth the effort! Anyways I raise my glass to Wid who I hope has found peace; and I raise my glass again to you all and wish everyone happiness, peace and many more good times here at TOR.n. *clink*
        • *clink*(No Text)grammaboodawg
        • Thank you and Ro, jflower. —Aerlinn— I know you both enjoyed participating in the SAST’s, so taking on the role of co-Quizmistress must be a bit like PJ making the movies: doing it so it’s done and done well, but in doing so sacrificing your own chance to enjoy it as a participant. So we owe you! Thank you, {{Quizmistresses}} – you do Widfara proud.
      • In leaving us, —jordan_the_discursiveshe caused us to apprehend what we never knew was already ours – deep, abiding friendship, love and support that existed among us then, and continues to this day. I am thankful to have known her, and am thankful to my friends here for the gift you give me everyday of your kindness and friendship.My contribution is an excerpt from “An Ordinary Evening in New Haven,” by Wallace Stevens.The last leaf that is going to fall has fallen.The robins are la-bas, the squirrels, in tree-caves,Huddle together in the knowledge of squirrels.The wind has blown the silence of summer away.It buzzes beyond the horizon or in the ground:

        In mud under ponds, where the sky used to be reflected.

        The barrenness that appears is an exposing.

        It is not part of what is absent, a halt

        For farewells, a sad hanging on for remembrances.

        It is a coming on and coming forth.

        The pines that were fans and fragrances emerge,

        Staked solidly in a gusty grappling with rocks.

        The glass of the air becomes an element —

        It was something imagined that has been washed away.

        A clearness has returned. It stands restored.

        It is not an empty clearness, a bottomless sight.

        It is a visibility of thought,

        In which hundreds of eyes, in one mind, see at once.

        • jordan —Cheshire Cat— no words.
        • Oh nice… —grammaboodawg
          That’s perfect, Jordan 🙂 {{JtD}}Thanks.
      • Like hu, I feel that many of my TORn friendships —Lottelitawere sparked amid the quizzes. I cannot ever have thanks enough for that, and wish now that I had had the chance to express how much the laughter and togetherness Widfara fostered meant to me.It seems that TORn was for Widfara a light when all other lights had gone out, and it was so for me, as well, for a while — due in no small part to her contribution. Now as many of these e-friendships look to leap into 3D in December, I reflect on the degree to which I owe these friendships to her — and how much I wish she could be among the gang in Toronto.
      • I have often —grammaboodawg— thought… or been frustrated… that she missed the movies. Strange, but it bothers me. Reverend, too. It’s a bummer.
      • I think that —jordan_the_discursive
        she will be, because if you’re there, she’ll be there with you in your heart.Cheers, Lotte! I’m glad you’re here with me. 🙂

        • cheers Lotte! *chin chin* —huorn— *mwah!*
      • *bowing in remembrance* —diedyeI wasn’t around when that happened and am sorry to say that I never got to read her posts or this community’s response to it, namely the coming together and consoling and supporting each other in their time of grief…I was able to read the tribute page and got a sense of what a great bunch of people have frequented this board… and despite some flare-ups and a few trolls (and I’ll admit a shaky start for me), I have found this board to be a cut above all the rest… and I guarantee that it’s been due to people like Widfara and Reverend and all those who have and are frequenting this board that make it the special place that it is today…So rather than dwell on her passing, I’d like to offer up a toast to her and to the Reverend… and to all of you TORn sibs who knew her and those who didn’t but came to hear of her in the days and months afterwards… and all those who have joined this board before and since then…Here’s to all of you… may the light of Eru shine on all of you and push the darkness back to the shadows where it belongs…Salut, Widfara… and Cheers, TORnSibs!
        • Cheers diedye! Well put!(No Text)Mirkwood Maiden
        • *clink :)*(No Text)grammaboodawg
      • My favorite Fiesta order *ever*: —Aerlinn“Scot and water, please. Billy Boyd in a wet t-shirt.”I didn’t know Wídfara, except through the SAST’s… I’ve always regretted not getting in touch with her, but I was still pretty new to the boards. But I loved her posts: I’ve got quite a few SFTH’s saved, and thought you all might enjoy some of her contributions:SCENES FROM THE HAT: Calls the Shirriffs responded to in the Shire:— Burglary call at Balrog residence.— Missing wings reported.— Received reports AGAIN of Queen Berúthiel’s cats stuck in party tree.— Car traveling at excessive speed during Sam’s big scene.

        — Meriadoc Brandybuck cited for afterhours horn-blowing, disturbing the peace.

        — One Will Whitfoot dislodged from door of mathom-house.

        SCENES FROM THE HAT: Nicknames the Fellowship had for each other:

        – After Amon Hen, everybody called Boromir, “Kenny.”

        – After Gandalf did a burlesque-type dance at the Prancing Pony, they started calling him “Gan Gan.”

        – Shoney’s Big Boy: Frodo called Sam that a couple of times, I’m pretty sure.

        – Gandalf = His Hirsute Highness, according to Aragorn, who has NO room to talk, imho.

        – Pippin called Sam Captain Stubing behind his back down the Anduin.

        – Pip sometimes called Merry “Mary Poppins” and then would start singing “Supercalifrajalisticexpialidocious.” I don’t mind telling you, it really got on Merry’s nerves.

        – Elrond also goes by Braidley.

        – I heard Gandalf call Gimli “Shorty Shorterson”

        SCENES FROM THE HAT: Conversation between the two Kings of the Argonath:

        — Say. How would I look as a bookend?

        — *looking over at Isildur* Nice hands. Palmolive?

        — “Knock, knock…”

        — Isildur, gesturing at self and pointing at Anarion: You’ve got a thing … a little … bird’s nest over your eye there.”

        — Pardon me. Do you have any Grey Poupon?
        SCENES FROM THE HAT: One-line Eulogies for Boromir:

        — Honorary posthumous membership for the Rauros trip — Gondor Canoe Club

        — He was always making for me — The Gap of Rohan

        — He gave me a cool nickname: New Devilry — The Balrog

        — He got all the breaks, the lucky so-and-so. — Book Boromir

        — I’ve just got a few short comments… — Ioreth

        — Nyah nyah nyah nyah — The One Ring

        — He bit his nails, but I liked him anyway. — Merry

        — He had a good speaking voice. — Sauron

        — He was good-lookin’, almost as good-lookin’ as me. — Legolas

        *lifts Scot and water high* To Wídfara.

        • Yyyyyes! That was the equation! —grammaboodawg
          These are fantastic! Wid + Scenes from the HAT = Twilight Zone!Thank you!
        • Oh my gosh, I had forgotten some of these —Eowyn_Shieldmaiden— *laughing hysterically* She was so darn witty, wasn’t she?! These are too funny. *wipes eyes* Thanks Linn.
        • Thanks for this, ‘Linners! —jordan_the_discursive— Her drink order is the explanation for my footer today. I’ll never forget that one, either. 🙂
          • That’s great! —Ginger— I thought you were trying to make EW jealous 😉
          • ROFL! Fantastic. —Aerlinn— *wishI’dthoughtofitfirst*
          • Oh! I thought it was —Lottelita— a drool bucket!
        • Oh, my…some of those are hilarious —Scout B
          I’m laughing out loud. Thanks for posting them again!Shorty Shorterson….ha.
        • Thank you, ‘linn!! —Mrs. Boromir
          I was only able to save two Scenes games and may have been responsible for single-handedly disabling the TORn search function doing so.Loved these!!

          • I thought I did that… —Aerlinn— I’ll send ’em to you if you like.
            • Maybe we both did —Mrs. Boromir— …by searching at the same time. It threw up its hands, said “oy vey” and checked out. Yes, please send them, every one!! Thanks muchly, ‘linn. You’re…a gift.
              • I should have known you two were responsible, —Lottelitaand if it weren’t for those darn meddling kids, you would have gotten away with it, too!(How much money would we have to donate for TORn to buy the servers needed to bring Search back from the dead?)I’d love to be copied on that e-mail, as well, Aerlinn. SFTH has always been my favorite bit of silliness around here.
                • Done. —Aerlinn— Well, it will be in a sec.
                    • Had to. —Aerlinn— jordan thought of the Scot and water first. 🙂
                  • FOOTER! —Mrs. Boromir— LMAO!

          • As if the order isn’t funny enough to imagine, —Lottelita— now I’m grinning at the thought of you holding said dripping actor over your head! Thanks.
            • A girl can dream…(No Text)Aerlinn
          • I, too —Altaira
            didn’t get the chance to know Widfara off the board, but I did enjoy all her wonderful wit, like the samples you posted.This is the best possible way I can think of to remember her, and I think she’d agree.
          • Funny! —Curious— Thanks for that.
        • “It’s been fun” —Eledhwen— Those were Wíd’s last words to me, and that’s what I’m going to remember. The fun. We have fun here, and I think she’d want us to carry on having fun, today and all days, to encourage and support each other. If we keep that sense of fun, we’ll stick together as a community.
          • Second that agreement(No Text)Ginger
          • Agreed! Yes. —grammaboodawg— Fun is the first word that comes to my mind here… and she was one of the hootiest here! Yeah… it has been fun… and it’ll always be that cuz we stick together 🙂
        • I would like to share —Celandine Brandybucksomething that Wíd sent me by email, one day when I had complained about all the teaching I had to do that day and asked jokingly if she would trade places and teach for me. Someday I’d love to give this lecture!*******Yes, I would happily trade places today. In fact, I’ll give your World Civ lecture today. This, in spite of the fact that I have never *ever* taken a world civ or world history class *in my long life*! Correspondingly, then, my “knowledge” *makes quote marks in the air* is based on conjecture, innuendo, and some falsehoods. *shrugs* So it has a few weak points. Still, you have my permission to use the following lecture in its entirety, and you don’t even have to credit me.*clears throat*Class, for the next 50 minutes, we will discuss, in depth, exploring all its cobwebbed nooks and crannies, The History of World Civilization. Why are you slumping in your seats? This will be fascinating, so listen up.A long, ok, loooooong time ago (we don’t know how long for sure because it was before the Casio Corporation in Japan brought inexpensive time-keeping to the masses) there were some people. We don’t know where they came from. That’s not important. We *do* know what they were wearing. That *is* important. Loinclothes. *snicker* These people didn’t have a highly developed language, so they were very inadequate as email correspondents and most people took them out of their address books. Anyway, these Early People were never bored, as their daily lives were filled to the brim with:1. Being chased by fierce wild animals

          2. Chasing delicious wild animals

          3. Procreating (for those of you slouched over in the back row, yes, YOU, that means creating new people, albeit small ones, at least initially)

          4. Trying to figure out what the words to “A Horse With No Name” mean

          After they had done these things for, oh, 52 years… (*thought bubble appears over head* No, must have been longer. Think, Wídfara!) no, make that 13,052 years, they became somewhat civilized. Is that a hand I see in the back? Yes? (blahblahblah) No, it’s not important what the word “civilized” means. That will not be on the test. We theorize that these Early People, around this time, all moved to Europe, or at least all the good-looking ones, and they’re all that matters, as any of you who’ve seen Baywatch knows.

          Ok, at this point, there were um, plagues, and wars, and some discoveries were, um, ah, *discovered*, and they started having Renaissance Festivals. Yes? Here on the front? (blahblahblah) What were the plagues? Oh, well, the most dire, dreaded, awful plague, which octimated (took one-eighth) the population was the Green Plague.

          The cause of the Green Plague was extreme jealousy over the West Indies. *shakes head sadly over man’s folly* Yes, jealousy over the white sand beaches, envy over Peach Daiquiris, lust for thong bathing suits… It swept through Europe like a… well, like a *plague*. “Many” people died, but it wasn’t all bad because the undertakers were suddenly wealthy and bought their wives new carts and had the floors of their homes redirtted.

          Yes? (blahblahblah) *aggravated sigh* What were some of the discoveries? Look, *I* ask the questions around here. Well, the main “discovery”, also called an “invention” (that won’t be on the test either), was the wheel. The wheel revolutionized (intentional) games like roulette, made possible such vital modern conveniences like, um, er *stumped*… WHEELbarrows. BUT *said with ominous undertones* it had its dark side, as we all found out with AMC’s Gremlin. That car was uuuuuugly. *holds nose*

          Ok, continuing. Around then, the Queen Mary, on its maiden voyage, took Christopher Columbus to the New World. It really wasn’t brand spanking new, but it was sold “as is” so there was no warranty. The “new” part of the name indicates a certain Eurocentrism in the thinking of the time, but I don’t know what in the hell I just said so that will DEFINITELY not be on the test.

          From this point on, only things happening in “America” were considered important. Yes, things happened on the complete other side of the planet, but seeing as how these people spoke a very indecipherable language (I mean, PULeaze!), we stopped asking for news of them and finally took them off our email distribution lists altogether.

          *looks at wall clock* *said with a note of happy finality* And that brings us right up to this very minute. Arethereanyquestions?GoodIdidn’tthinkso.Classdismissed.

          • The word of the day is “ocimated.” —Lottelita— Thanks for posting that, Cel. 🙂
            • Logically, then… —Roheryn
              “decimated” would mean taking one-tenth the population. Or else it means everyone’s copulated ten times.*ponders*
          • Thanks so much Cel! —Ginger
            What a great piece to share.”had the floors of their homes redirtted”
          • Hilarious, Cel! —Mrs. Boromir“From this point on, only things happening in “America” were considered important. Yes, things happened on the complete other side of the planet, but seeing as how these people spoke a very indecipherable language (I mean, PULeaze!), we stopped asking for news of them and finally took them off our email distribution lists altogether.”Brilliant! Thanks for sharing it!
          • Thanks for saving, and sharing that, Celandine! —Uitlander— I feel like I can hear her voice – the mark of a good writer- Damn, she was funny!
          • What a wonderful thing to have saved! —Eowyn_Shieldmaiden— Oh gosh I am laughing through my tears. She had such a wit and such a way with words. Thanks for sharing Celandine. That’s a great memory to have of her.
          • Number four… —Watson…puts me in mind of my sister, who — very seriously, mind you, it’s in her will — has decreed that at the party she wants us to have in lieu of a funeral for her, we are to listen to “MacArthur Park” and discuss the significance and potential symbolism of its words (which she NEVER understood, and she’s a retired English Lit teacher), paying special attention to the line “someone left the cake out in the rain.” She will be delighted to know that she’s not the only person to have trouble with the lyrics to certain songs. :)Lovely memory. Pax vobiscum.
            • LOL! —Eowyn_Shieldmaiden— Oh my lord that is hilarious. I can’t believe that’s in her will. *wipes eyes* It is good to laugh today. 🙂
              • That’s my family —Watson— We’re all a tad off of center, so to speak. In my living will, it is expressly stated no funeral, no memorial service, no grave, cremation, plant the ashes under a bush, and have a party. And anyone who sings, or even mentions, “Amazing Grace” is to be promptly gagged and banned from the premises (I wanted to put in “shot on sight,” but I thought that would be a tad harsh :).
                • If it was “shot on sight,” —Lottelita— the neighborhood bushes would be quite disturbed.
                • Of course you have now —Curious— guaranteed that someone will mention “Amazing Grace,” if just to comment on your requests.
                    • *snert* —Annael
                      “only someone who felt they HAD to have the last word” . . .Yes, since the deceased can’t reach out from the grave and yell “FOR ONCE, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!” at them, it’s best to put it in writing beforehand.
                    • I’m just —Curious— teasing. I’m sure that when that time comes (and may it be far in the future) your relatives will respect all of your wishes.
                  • Only… —Watson—…someone who felt they HAD to have the last word would do that, and my family and friends aren’t like that (thank goodness). We’ve seen odd requests at funerals before (my paternal grandmother had one of the oddest), and to do anything but abide by the wishes of the deceased at whatever service or function was part of their will would be unconscionably rude.

            • What a wonderful memory!(No Text)Curious
          • “…and they started having Renaissance Festivals…” —Scout B— Great choice, Celandine! I’m laughing my head off.
        • Here’s one I saved —grammaboodawgof Wid’s postings on her spin of a very serious LotR moment!Thanks for this, Mrs. Boromir 🙂 Fantastic!Gandalf and Elrond watch Wídfara and Sam from the balcony in Elrond’s studyElrond: Her strength returns.Gandalf: That belly button piercing will never fully heal. She will carry it the rest of her life.Elrond: And yet to have come so far, still bearing the belly button ring, the quizmistress has shown extraordinary resilience to its evil.Gandalf: It is a burden she should never have had to bear. We can ask no more of Wídfara.

          Wídfara, overhearing and shouting up: Hey, G! *waves* What’d you want to ask me?

          Gandalf, confused: N…Nothing. *attempting to stick to the script* Go on, Elrond, with what you were saying.

          Elrond, startled: Um, er… Oh! Gandalf, the enemy is moving. Sauron’s forces are massing in the east – his eye is fixed on Rivendell. And Saruman you tell me has betrayed us. Our list of allies grows thin.

          Wídfara, moving toward the balcony and shouting up: Hey, Ronny! I love how you say “thin.” Say it again!

          Elrond, pleased, looking over the railing:Thin!

          Wídfara, to Sam: Hot dang!

          Elrond, coming to his senses: Gandalf, that belly button ring cannot stay here.

          Gandalf: *snort* Ya think?

          • I. Love. That. Footer. —AerlinnThere are many, many moments in the book and in the movie that I can’t read or watch without remembering something from TORn – and a lot of those connections are to Wídfara.Thin.Here’s another:Scene: The Mines of MoriaFrodo looks down into the cavern and sees a small figure leaping from stone to stone. Startled, he walks over to where Gandalf is sitting.Frodo: There’s something down there.Gandalf: It’s Wídfara.

            Frodo: Wídfara?!

            Gandalf: She’s been following us for three days.

            Frodo: She escaped the dungeons of Graceland!

            Gandalf: Escaped. Or was set loose.

            From the distance below, Wídfara looks up, her large eyes pierce the darkness and observe the company.
            Wídfara: Excuse me, Mr. McKellen, Mr. Wood? Could I trouble you for an autograph? It’s not for me; it’s just to make my TORnsibs jealous.

            Holds out pen and paper.

            Peter Jackson: CUT!!! Where the #&%% is Serkis?

            Wídfara: You mean that extremely limber man? I gave him a ten-spot to sit this one out.

            Peter Jackson: Security!!!

            • LOL! Haven’t seen that one before!(No Text)Smokering
            • *snort* —grammaboodawg— omg! That’s SO cool!
            • LOL! I loved *that* footer. —Roheryn— Glad you had that one saved. It’s great to read these again.
            • I love both those footers(No Text)Ginger
          • One more… —AerlinnScene: Caras Galadhon, LothlórienThe weary Fellowship stands waiting. Celeborn and Galadriel slowly descend the stairs.Celeborn: “Eight that are here, yet nine there were set out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is my personality, for I much desire to see it.”Nervous silence.Galadriel: “It has fallen into shadow.”Aragorn confirms this with an almost imperceptible nod.Galadriel continues: “Your quest to become a nightclub comic stands upon the edge of a knife. Bore just a little, and you will fail, to the ruin of all.” Pauses, scanning the faces of the Fellowship. “But hope remains, if the company is funny. Samwise might write you some one-liners while he’s here.”

            Samwise: “ZZZZzzzzzzz.”

            Everyone except the sleeping Samwise looks at Celeborn expectantly.

            Marton Csokas: “What?! I only had the one line. Look, you people can stray from the script if you want … ”

            Peter Jackson: “CUT!!”

          • Fantastic! —Mrs. Boromir— Glad you saved that footer, gramma. It’s priceless!
            • My favorite…. —Scout B
              …and I wish I had it to post, is the one with Elrond in front of Mount Doom. The caption was “Middle Earth Photo Ops” and Elrond was saying,
              “Get one of me in front of Mount Doom!”Made me laugh every time.

              • Psst – —Aerlinn

                Photo Ops of the Second Age:”Now get one of me in front of Mount Doom!”
              • OH! —grammaboodawg— You HOBBIT, YOU! Never throw ANYTHING away! Bwhahahahaa!
              • How did you ever……? —jordan_the_discursive— Thank goodness you kept that!!!
                • Your footer, jord! —Mrs. Boromir— I just can’t get over the sort of “james bond” look Billy has. Yowzers! Git that bucket out of the way!
              • Aha! Thanks!(No Text)Scout B
            • That’s my desktop!(No Text)Tintallë
            • Or this one… —Mrs. Boromir
              With a caption something like “Did he just say YOU shall take the Ring to Mordor??” No, it was much funnier than that… *sigh*
        • I remember seeing this and ROTFL. —Aerin— I could spend all day listening to Hugo Weaving say “thin”! (Well, maybe 15 minutes.)
      • Memories… —UitlanderIt’s just a tiny thing…But I remember when a brand new TORN-sib who had just joined that week took one of the SAST quizzes and when the results were posted she questioned Wid’s grading system (how dare she!) She also got Wid’s name wrong, calling her “Widrara”. I posted a slightly castigating *correction* saying something to the effect of, if you’re going to criticize our beloved teacher, please at least spell her name right. The new TORNsib posted an immediate shamefaced apology, (which made me feel bad – like maybe I’d overreacted) and Widfara responded with a “No Text” message that said only “S’alright.” and signed it, “Widrara.”She was not only endlessly patient and giving to people on TORN, she had a radiant humor about everything, including herself. She made this board feel as warm and welcoming as the Hall of Fire at Elrond’s house, and I will always remember her for the laughs and joy she gave us.
        • My very first quiz response —Aerlinn— – I had a footer that was just a picture of The Professor. She posted something like “Can’t beat that footer!” Obviously, given that I still remember it, that meant a lot to me – coming from *her*! A tiny thing… but one that meant a lot.
        • Ha! —Mrs. Boromir— Wonder who the newbie was. Thanks, Uitlie. *hugs*
        • *snertle* —Roheryn— Too funny, Uitles. Thanks for sharing that.
          • Good to hear you snertling, Ro… —Uitlander— …How are you doing today, sweetie?
              • oops! —Uitlander— It took me two years to break my cat of the habit of having “accidents” on the bed. Which weren’t accidents at all, because she would do it whenever she was mad about something. She’s finally figured out that crime doesn’t pay. I hope your puppies learn faster!
              • How thoughtful of her. —Lottelita— She knew you’d be sad today, and thought the best thing would be to distract you with quotidian concerns.
              • Hmm… —Celandine Brandybuck—perhaps I should reconsider my willingness to share a sofa with your pups, eh?Love the footer – especially the DB bit! 😉
            • Wet. —Roheryn—At least, that’s how I woke up. Bad Puppy morning. At least this time, she peed *next* to me on the bed rather than *on* me like last time.


              Thanks, Uitles…hope you’re well too. 🙂

              Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.

              –Mark Twain

              Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.

              –Dave Barry

      • friendship —huornAs you well know, Mrs. B., it was through Widfara that you and I have become good friends. She used to jokingly scold us like a schoolmarm for peeking at each other’s SAST quizzes…Salud! everybody! Here’s to friends made on TORn. *chin chin*
        • Slainte, huorn.(No Text)Aerlinn
        • Cheers, huorn!(No Text)Eowyn_Shieldmaiden
        • Salud, huorn!(No Text)jordan_the_discursive
        • Cheers, huornito.(No Text)Mrs. Boromir
      • some thoughts —Anarya— I didn’t join the boards until January this year, so never “met” Widfara, but I have come to realise from the postings just how special she was. I’m sure she is still watching over all of us and enjoying our postings even now. Long may she continue to do so!
      • Just a small thing really… —Trinity the Purple—Her footers would always make me laugh – be it ‘elvish’ lessons (‘mellon – friend, water mellon, friend on the swim team’) or the Bashki version of Elrond’s bitterness at the Jackson version or well… if you had seen them you would know which ones I mean!Terry Pratchett made a good comment in one of his novels, t’was Reaper Man, that has stuck with me about how that it’s when the last thing you’ve set in motion has finished are you truly gone.That’s especially true here – once those who knew her have gone from here then and only then would Widfara be gone but then again… perhaps not.I hope that makes some kind of sense.

        Original postNick:Smokering (Registered User)Date:Thu, 7/3/2003

        Subject:*raises glass* To a special TORnsib…


        I’ve just found out that yesterday would have been Widfara’s forty-sixth birthday. Although it’s been eight or nine months since her passing, I know that none of us here have forgotten here, and will continue to commemorate her in our footers, thoughts and prayers. Widfara was a wonderful, sensitive, hilarious person to know on the boards, and TORn just isn’t the same without her. So, if anyone would like to propose a toast to Widfara, now just might be a good time. Widfara, this is a little late, but: Happy Birthday! We love you! *clinks glass*

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