Mathom House

An archive of threads from the good old days of TORn …

Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (3)

Scenes from the Hat: Book titles in Elrond’s library! (6/19/02)
(No Text) —Thevina Finduilas

  • The Road Less Travelled (No Text) —Twilight Mere
  • The Wholefood Way to Inner Elf… (No Text) —Greenwood Hobbit
  • You might be a dark-elf —esiwmas

    If you’ve ever been too drunk to keep up with your dwarf prisoners….
    If you’ve consider a trip to the Shire an opportunity to pick up chicks….
    If someone mentions “the cracks of doom” and it reminds you to pull up your pants!
    You might be a dark-elf.
    hehe, that was fun, any others?

  • Haven’t seen you post before, but… —Thevina Finduilas
    what a creative mind!
    Love the “cracks of doom” crack….
    ; ]

  • The Domesday Book? (Pronounced DOOM, of course!!) (No Text) —Greenwood Hobbit
  • Child-Rearing the Half-Elven way (No Text) —Uitlander
  • All About Spanking —luinfalathiel
    Whoa, how’d that get in there?? 😉
    • Oooh, someone’s just beggin’ to be modded… (No Text) —Uitlander
    • o.O (No Text) —Ugly Troll
  • Kings and Queens of Numenor — with the page for Elros bookmarked (No Text) —Idril Celebrindal
  • I Never Sang for My Father (No Text) —Annael
  • River Flooding for Dummies (No Text) —Gaffer
  • The Man Who Would be King (in Aragorn’s room) (No Text) —Morwen
  • I bet Lurtz’s favorite book is “A Farewell to Arms” —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
    “Ba-dum-bum”
    • I was gonna say that, but I restrained myself! (No Text) —karen the magnificent
      • *listens* Is that the sound of ice skating in —Wídfara
        h e double toothpicks? Since WHEN have you restrained yourself? Good golly. Don’t start now, just when we’re getting used to the UNrestrained ktm! : – )
    • *groan!* 🙂 (No Text) —luinfalathiel
  • Rime of the Ancient Mariner (No Text) —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
  • Battlefield Middle Earth by Elrond Hubbard —Ugly Troll
    And/Or To kill a Crebain
  • A Tale of Two Towers…and… —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
    One Flew Over the Crebain’s Nest
    Flowers for Aragorn
    The Great Gamgee
    Bucklebury Finn (The Sequel to “Bombadil:The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (little naked hobbit butts running around his backyard!)”
    White Fangorn

    • I like the way your mind works! ; ) —Thevina Finduilas
  • Arda: Its Lands and Peoples (No Text) —Thevina Finduilas
  • Strawberry Aromatherapy: A DIY guide! (No Text) —Mirkwood Maiden
  • These Happy Golden Ears by Laura Ingalls Half-Elven (No Text) —Wídfara
    • or Little House In The Valley? 😀 (No Text) —luinfalathiel
  • A Field Guide To Silvan Elves (No Text) —luinfalathiel
  • Men are a Virus (No Text) —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
    • AND Men are from Mordor, Women are from Lothlorien (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
  • A Sear’s Catalog . . . with all the pages of purple dresses bookmarked? (No Text) —Samantha Baggins
  • And the Scented Bath Products Wholesale Catalog (No Text) —Jennie
  • Perry Took and the Sorcerer’s Stone (No Text) —Jennie
  • Leave a comment »

    Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (2)

    Scenes from the Hat: Words exchanged between Gandalf and the Balrog on the way to the bottom of Khazad-dum (6/17/02)

    • B: So, what’s up? G: Everybody else, I think! (No Text)— Earendil The Mariner
    • B: So I guess this means I can not pass? G: You’re a bit slow, aren’t you? (No Text)— esiwmas
      • —LOL! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
    • Good grief, old chap, you’ve let things slide a bit down here. Maid’s day off, is it? (No Text)— Greenwood Hobbit
    • G: I thought I made it clear that whole ‘whips and leathers’ thing was over between us? (No Text)— greendragon
    • Gandalf: Got any sixes? Balrog: Go Fish. (No Text)— Gaffer
    • Gandalf grumbles: It’s times like these I wish Balrogs had wings… or do they…THUNK. (No Text)— Nimfalma Took
    • B: Could you PLEASE try to keep your robes from blowing up over your head!” (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
      • —G: You know you like it. ::wink wink:: (No Text)— Jennie
    • Gandalf thinks to himself: “Good, at least I’ll have something to land on.” (No Text)— luinfalathiel
    • G-“Now I’m Free….” B&G-“I’m Free-Fallin…” (No Text)— Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
      • —lol: good one Foe! (No Text)— Eirhren
    • Movie Quotes — TheLidlessEye –
      Balrog: “I’ve never lost a fight!”
      Gandalf: “Except to a crippled old man just now.”
      – The Mask Of Zorro
      Balrog: “We’re dropping 2,000 feet!”
      Gandalf: “It’s all right, dear. Don’t start worrying ’til we get down 1,999. The last foot is dangerous.”
      – Never Give A Sucker An Even Break
      Balrog: “I can fly!”
      Gandalf: “That isn’t flying, that is falling with style!”
      – Toy Story

      • —Haha! That’s great! — Marigold Gamgee — “It’s falling with style!” LOLOL!!
    • Balrog: “I thought luinfalathiel did Scenes from the Hat!” Gandalf: “Noooo, now it’s Mrs. Boromiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrr……..” (No Text)— Wídfara
      • —Wow! Gandalf mentioned my name?! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
        • Hey, I’m pretty alarmed that the Balrog mentioned MY name!! (No Text)— luinfalathiel
          • *sing-song voice* I think he’s got his eye on you! — Mrs. Boromir
            His good eye, not the one that got singed back in 1252.
        • I might have mentioned something — Wídfara
          to him about you. Let’s see. What was it? Oh, yes, on two occasions.
          Several years ago he was worried about the future of the line of the Stewards of Gondor, specifically, about finding a suitable mate for Faramir. He had heard that Eowyn might be interested in Faramir, and he had also heard about your romantic interest in Faramir. Gandalf asked me what I thought (he knows that I keep my ear to the ground). Frankly, Mrs. B, I told G that I thought Eowyn would make a better Queen (Princess, whatever) of Ithilien. I’m sorry, but with all your duties in Minnesota AND your interest in Faramir’s brother, that was my advice.
          And the second time, Gandalf was going to Bree on some errand, and I asked him if he would pick up some Milk Duds for you.
          Mad?

          • *pouts* I’ll get over it. — Mrs. Boromir
            LOL, Wid! You’re a hoot!
  • Balrog to G: I’ve always loved you. — Jennie — (Apologies to The Blues Brothers)
    • Is that a Bud-lite? — Go-Helm — Taking it a different direction.
  • Oh look. I got a 5.9 from Aragorn (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
  • You know, this might be our last few minutes alive. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
    • **in a Mark Hamill voice** NOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (No Text)— Nomad
      • How about in a Mark Hamill whine: But I was going to go into town and get some power converters! (No Text)— MrCere
        • Or how about a Hayden Christian whine: “Well I couldn’t find one with an open cockpit!” (No Text)— Marigold Gamgee
    • I think so, Gandalf. But aren’t orcs allergic to strawberry bubble bath? (No Text)— Jennie
      • ROFL! — Marigold Gamgee — *narf*
  • Whazzup? (No Text)— Goeth-Helm
    • Don’t you mean Whazzdown? (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
      • — *ba-da bump* oh! (No Text)— Goeth-Helm
  • G: ‘Are they still watching?’ B: ‘No I don’t think so’ … … — Nomad
    G: Fantastic!! I’m glad we working this out ahead of time.
    B: No kidding. I soooo need a vacation.
    G: Let’s head up top after and shoot off some fireworks to complete the show.
    B: Grey Pilgrim, You’re the best!!
    **Hugs**
    **Splash!!!**

    • LMAO! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
  • G: so… (long silence) B: yup…. (long silence) G: How’s the family? B: Oh, they’re good.. How’s the wizard thing workin’ out fer ya? G: oh, just fine…just fine… (long silence til they hit the water) (No Text)— Eirhren
    • ROTF! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
  • “Aaaaaahhhhhhhh…” — Vidstige —
    Stop screaming, look at each other.
    Start screaming again.
    “Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh…”
    Stop screaming again and look at each other.
    Gandalf: “This is like a totally deep hole.”
    Balrog: “Yeah. Do you wanna play 20 questions or something?”
    (Apologies to Bill & Ted)

  • So, a funny thing happened to me on the way to. . . (No Text)— Goeth-Helm
  • Pardon me, sir, but do you have any Grey Poupon? (No Text)— Wingfooted
  • I guess that settles the wings debate (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
  • I see you had the Vindaloo (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
  • Balrog: “So tell me more about this ‘secret fire’ stuff. You need a permit?” (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
  • Got a light? (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
  • Balrog: CANONBAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!! (No Text)— Gaffer
  • Gandalf: “You ever heard of Listerine?” — Nomad —
    Balrog: “No, you ever heard of Speed Stick!?”
  • Leave a comment »

    Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (1)

    SCENES FROM THE HAT – One line obituaries for Boromir

  • “He should have been a Hornblower.” (No Text)luinfalathiel
  • Can’t tell which way the wind is blowing. — Crebain from Dunland (No Text)Shadowen
  • “He paddled well” is starting to take on new meaning… —Aerlinn
  • “I come not to bury Boromir, but to praise him….” Aragorn (No Text)Ugly Troll
  • Dad, can I have his room? —Faramir (No Text)Elwen
    • “Sure. Just help me light the stove first.” (No Text)Morfalathiel
      • You’re bad —Scout B but very funny.
  • There was a little bit of all of us in him: One of Lurtz’ three arrows (No Text)Gaffer
  • “Alrighty then, one down and two to go!” – – Aragorn (No Text)Weige
  • He taught us,..when all else fails, kick ’em in the shins! – Merry & Pippin (No Text)woodelf1
  • Honorary posthumous membership for the Rauros trip — Gondor Canoe Club (No Text)Wídfara
  • He always wanted to use my comb. – Figwit. (No Text)Enchantress
    • …and my shampoo,and conditioner…. (No Text)woodelf1
      • … and your strawberry bubble bath! — Legolas —Lottelita
        Hey, dead men tell no tales!
  • He was always making for me — The Gap of Rohan (No Text)Wídfara
    • A good groaner, Widfara! (No Text)Scout B
    • Well, there was a sale! —Lottelita
      apologies to Cassandra Clare!
    • HA! Good one! (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
  • He gently picked me up out of the snow: The One Ring (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
  • Next time I’ve gotta keep my head about me! – Lurtz (No Text)Enchantress
  • Uruk-hai fodder. — Saruman (No Text)Sweet Master Frodo
    • “Saruman lied … I didn’t get to taste anything!” — Lurtz (No Text)Lottelita
      • and the rest of us can only dream… —Uitlander
        Oh, Boromir, we hardly tasted — er, knew ye!

        • Ha! —Lottelita
          I always think Saruman’s line, “You’ll taste man-flesh,” is diiiirrrrrty. But not undesirable where the men in this movie are concerned!

          • Oh, great. That’s just great. – DownfallenWest—
            Like I needed THAT mental image every time I hear that line from now on!
            Hey, wouldn’t this be a great place to make some quip about how it “comes in pints?!?”

            • I think Roheryn did that on Friday. —Lottelita
              Get that girl in the Fiesta, and it’s all over. 😉
          • ROFL! (No Text)Wídfara
    • “I’ll never forget when he let me blow the Horn of Gondor”–Pippin 😉 (No Text)Hobbit-Of-No-Intellegence
      • *snert* Mind in deep gutter land….. (No Text)Enchantress
    • Hmmmm….maybe it IS folly…. – any other Fellowship member (No Text)Scout B
      • LOL! (No Text)Wídfara
    • I’ve gotta get better help! – The One Ring (No Text)Enchantress
    • “He out-PHF’ed even me.” — Aragorn (No Text)Lottelita
    • He gave me a cool nickname: New Devilry — The Balrog (No Text)Wídfara
    • I’m getting all the fanchicks in the second movie: Faramir (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • Gondor has no Boromir…Gondor needs no Boromir —Elwen
      Sorry, it had to be said.
      • : ( You’re making me cry…we do so need him. (No Text)Rohwen
        • OK, then Aragorn said it. (not us) (No Text)Elwen
        • Yes, I can think of SEVERAL uses for him! >) (No Text)Lottelita
          • Lotty, that banishment thing needs a little work. (No Text)Wídfara
            • Why, all I meant was … —Lottelita

              fixing my car … you know … using the dipstick to check the fluid levels? Adjusting the ballbearings? Making sure everything’s running smooth under the hood? (And now I’M overheating …)

              • yeah right, fixing the car, um hmmmm. —greenleafphf
              • He was my Mr. Goodwrench — Lottelita (No Text)Wídfara
                • *snert* —Lottelita
                  I think I would be so prostrate with grief that speech would be quite beyond me. Then I’d start flirting with the grieving and emotionally vulnerable Aragorn.

                • Must…get…mind…out…of…gutter… —jordan_the_discursive
                  This one could get dangerous!

                  • We’re not helping you, jordan! —Lottelita

                    I’m afraid where Boz is concerned, it’s either gutter-fare or sappy drooling.
        • That cushion idea you had was pretty good……. (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • I envied everything about him (except his mortality, of course). -Celeborn (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • “Anyone have lighter fluid?” – His Father (No Text)Morfalathiel
      • Ooooooh. Nassssssty. (No Text)Jennie
      • LOL! (No Text)Lottelita
    • He got all the breaks, the lucky so-and-so. — Book Boromir (No Text)Wídfara
      • ROTFL!! (No Text)Jennie
    • I’ve just got a few short comments… — Ioreth (No Text)Wídfara
    • Great PR at Council of Elrond – Mordor Tourism Bureau (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • Here lies Boromir. He died by arrow instead of spear. (No Text)Inferno
    • “He called that a BEARD?” — Gimli (No Text)Lottelita
    • His thoughts were very entertaining to read. -Galadriel (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • Thank goodness he died before the internet was invented. —Lottelita
    • He tried to take my ring, but he didn’t really mean it. -Frodo (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
    • I never trusted the bloke—Sam (No Text)Elwen
    • He made a handsome pin-cushion. -Aragorn (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
      • Boromir … Aragorn … cushions … ::banishes dirty thoughts from mind:: (No Text)Lottelita
        • *receives dirty thoughts banished by Lotty* (No Text)Wídfara
    • Nyah nyah nyah nyah — The One Ring (No Text)Wídfara
    • Handled me so very lovingly: Shards of Narsil (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • He was good-lookin’, almost as good-lookin’ as me. — Legolas (No Text)Wídfara
      • But I look better in a pointy hat: Gandalf (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • He took those arrows like a man….of Gondor: Lurtz (No Text)jordan_the_discursive
    • He Blew his Horn Well — Merry (No Text)valasarah
    • He should have taken his shield. (No Text)Elwen
    • He bit his nails, but I liked him anyway. — Merry (No Text)Wídfara
    • He had a good speaking voice. — Sauron (No Text)Wídfara
    • He paddled well. – Pippin (No Text)Mrs. Boromir
  • Leave a comment »

    Secret Agent Sam

    Secret Agent Sam

    In the Shire when secrets are a-brewing
    It’s best to keep an eye on just what the gardener’s doing
    You’ll think he’s raking leaves
    In fact, he’s dropping eaves –
    Master conspirator: Samwise Gamgee

    Secret agent Sam – secret agent Sam
    They know he knows his taters –
    They don’t know he knows the truth

    Outside you’ll find the verge could stand some clipping
    Inside the mask of secrecy is slipping
    Ah, be careful what you say
    When you hear the shears in play –
    Master conspirator: Samwise Gamgee

    Secret agent Sam – secret agent Sam
    They know he knows his taters –
    They don’t know he knows the truth

    (Merry and Pippin, of course, dance on table during guitar solo)
    (repeat chorus)

    Doubtless the tasks he’s working on since dawn
    Are tending the hedges, gardens, and lawns –
    Oh, he seems beyond suspicion
    But he’s embraced his mission –
    Master conspirator: Samwise Gamgee

    Secret agent Sam – secret agent Sam
    They know he knows his taters –
    They don’t know he knows the truth

    Leave a comment »

    When Will I Be Wrong?

    When Will I Be Wrong?
    based on The Everly Brothers’ “When Will I Be Loved?”

    Gandalf:
    I’ve been worried
    In a hurry
    When will I be wrong?

    I suspected
    I inspected
    When will I be wrong?

    Threw the Ring into the fire –
    Sure enough we see
    Elvish writing round the band;
    It’s not easy being me.

    Paths converging
    Runes emerging
    When will I be wrong?

    Just once I’d like to get
    The wrong end of the staff
    Each time I think I know the worst
    Seems I don’t know the half

    Oh, I’ve been worried
    In a hurry
    When will I be wrong?
    When will I be wrong?
    Tell me, when will I be wrong?

    Leave a comment »

    Springle-ring

    Springle-Ring
    based on “Jingle Bells”

    The Party Tree is lit
    The wine is mighty strong
    Bilbo’s giving us a speech
    Let’s hope it’s not too long!
    You know how he can get:
    He’s liable to recite
    Or spin a story of his past –
    Let’s hope he won’t tonight!

    O! Springle-ring, Springle-ring,
    Springle-ring with me!
    Bilbo’s paused amidst applause
    So let’s assume we’re free
    To
    Springle-ring, Springle-ring,
    – Springle-ring with me!
    A cracker band! With bells in hand
    We’ll dance a round or three.

    The fireworks were grand
    We’ve not had such in years
    That dragon took my breath
    But there was no time for tears
    For supper then began
    And the food it never failed
    (I’ll ask Rosie for a dance –
    No, I’ll just have another ale)

    ‘Eleventy-one years
    Is far too short a time…’
    If he ruins this night,
    That would be a crime!
    ‘As well as you deserve’
    Now, I wonder what that means
    To one hundred forty-four of us
    All gathered in this tent

    Brandybucks and Tooks
    Burrowses and Chubbs
    Boffins and Bolgers
    Goodbodies and Grubbs
    Brockhouses and Proudfoots
    And don’t forget Frodo
    The Sackville-Bagginses as well – ?
    Now where did Bilbo go??

    O! Springle-ring, Springle-ring,
    Springle-ring with me!
    Bilbo’s paused amidst applause
    So let’s assume we’re free
    To
    Springle-ring, Springle-ring,
    – Springle-ring with me!
    A cracker band! With bells in hand
    We’ll dance a round or three.

    Leave a comment »

    He Didn’t Mean To Adventure

    He Didn’t Mean To Adventure
    – The story of The Hobbit, singable to the tune of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire”

    Bilbo is respectable in Bag End Under Hill
    Till “Gandalf tea Wednesday”and a rune scratched on his door.
    Fili Kili Ori Óin, Dori Nori Bombur Glóin
    Bifur, Dwalin, Bofur, Balin – are there any more?!
    Yes: Thorin especially; Gandalf makes fourteen
    An Unexpected Party, and a burglar with no choice.
    Green Dragon, Bywater, Trolls consider slaughter:
    Bert, Tom, and William – Gandalf throws his voice.

    Bilbo:
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    Minding my own business,
    Then all things went amiss
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    Taken from my doorstep
    Now with Gandalf I schlep

    Heading on to Rivendell, Elrond’s House where elves yet dwell
    Moon runes, Elf tunes, but it’s not long before:
    Thunderstorms, giants swarm, misery is uniform
    Captured by the Goblins, but Gandalf comes through once more
    Goblin King, a missing Ring(!), Bilbo makes good use of Sting
    A game of Riddles in the Dark, Gollum’s bite’s worse than his bark
    Balin is sharp-sighted, the party’s reunited,
    Bilbo appears, Dwarves cheer, Gandalf is delighted.

    Bilbo:
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    Wish that singing was my kettle
    Not Elves in fine fettle
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    Almost served like mutton
    Then lost all my buttons

    From the frying pan of Goblin fray to Wargs and wolves, ya harri hey
    An eye-opener and no mistake, racket keeps Eagles awake
    A night spent in an eyrie, Beorn’s house is more cheery
    Ponies serve up honey-cake, with dogs and rams – no chops or steak
    Beorn gives good advice (maybe should’ve told ‘em twice)
    Black squirrels and butterflies, cobwebs and insect eyes
    White hart frustrates, Bombur is a dead weight
    Vanishing feast agonize, all lose their heads (no real surprise)

    Bilbo:
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    I don’t think I’m an asset –
    Are we nearly there yet?
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    The Road goes ever on
    That’s why I’m woebegone

    Bilbo’s nearly caught in webs : courage peaks as daylight ebbs
    Attercop, Attercop, monster spiders nearly get the drop
    Thorin caught by Woodelves, the rest made prisoners themselves –
    Butler and guard drink till they drop; barrels float, Bilbo atop
    Bilbo starts to cough and sneeze; Fili says No apples, please!
    Desolation of the Dragon, now it’s all up to Burglar Baggins!

    Bilbo:
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    Hope I come in useful
    Not look too much a fool
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    Once I blew smokerings
    Now I’ve got this joke Ring”

    Bilbo ‘thags you very buch’ old black snail-cracking thrush
    Smaug rises in fire, off to Laketown venting ire
    But now the dragon’s Not At Home, I’ll just take that Arkenstone
    Goblets they found there for themselves, and harps of gold where once they delved
    Mithril vest, did Smaug go west? Lake Town is put to the test
    Grim-voiced Bard, black arrow last, a little bird speaks as Smaug flies past
    Smaug goes down in clouds of steam – Bard should be king, the Dale folk deem
    Dalemen and Elf array marching northward straightaway

    Bilbo:
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    I miss my good old arm-chair
    Once back I won’t leave there
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    Don’t care how much gold’s strewn
    Can I be going home soon?

    Old Roäc, son of Carc, reports Bard’s arrow hit its mark –
    That’s the good news; bad remains – Thorin sends him off to Dain
    Dueling ballads, Elves and Dwarves – Thorin’ll sit on gold and starve
    The Clouds Burst, Bilbo’s cursed, after Dain comes the worst –
    Goblins led by Azog’s son – wolves and Wargs behind them run
    Disagreements disappear – so does Bilbo, thinking clear
    Goblins offer no reprieve, then Thorin turns the tide at eve
    And Bilbo sees a welcome sight – Eagles are coming! To join the fight

    Bilbo:
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    I’ve a helm and hard skull
    Of adventure chock-full
    I didn’t mean to adventure
    Didn’t expect warfare
    Eagles, Dwarves, Wargs, Elves, bear

    Bilbo comes to once more – Thorin’s passing grieves him sore
    And Fili and Kili, body and shield, defending Thorin died before
    Under the Mountain Dain’s now King, Even dragons have their ending
    Chest of silver, chest of gold, Yule-tide with Gandalf in Beorn’s hold
    Bilbo’s Took blood grows more tired the closer he comes to the Shire
    Rivendell – the first of May, and Elves’ lullabyes at break of day
    Auction ended, SB’s offended, reputation gone and won’t be mended
    Thus ends the tale, how beyond all ken, Bilbo journeyed There and Back Again.

    They didn’t start the story
    There’s this certain round thing
    Which became a “found”thing
    They didn’t start the story
    Isildur took the Ring and
    Part of Sauron’s right hand

    Leave a comment »

    The Black Riders Number Nine

    The Black Riders Number Nine
    Based on “Love Potion #9”

    Gandalf:
    I took my worries down to Saruman
    The White Wizard, tops in all the land
    Somehow he knew, he’d already seen the signs
    The Dark Lord is active, and the Black Riders number nine.

    Aragorn:
    I met the hobbits in the inn down in Bree
    They didn’t seem very frightened to me
    Till Merry came in woozy and frightened half blind
    And I told them that the Black Riders number nine.

    Frodo:
    We had a stop on Weathertop – I ended up gored
    (One thing I’ll say about this trip is I’m never bored)
    Strider couldn’t do much, I needed Rivendell’s lord
    So on we went and finally reached the Bruinen Fords

    I didn’t know if it was day or night
    I still don’t know if there was much of a fight
    Now thanks to Elrond, Glorfindel, and Gandalf combined
    We no longer must say that the Black Riders number nine

    So on we went and finally reached the Bruinen Fords
    I didn’t know if it was day or night
    I still don’t know if there was much of a fight
    Now thanks to Elrond, Glorfindel, and Gandalf combined
    No one can say again that the Black Riders number nine
    Black Riders number nine
    Black Riders number nine
    Black Riders number nine

    Leave a comment »

    Only the Dumb Die Young

    Only the Dumb Die Young
    Based on Billy Joel’s “Only the Good Die Young”

    – – Sung by Movie!Legolas…

    In the beginning, we were first to be made
    Old Elves never die – they don’t even fade
    If we’re not murdered, we go West to find shade
    Immortality can be fun
    The Dwarves came right after, and they last awhile
    They’re not immortal, but like us they have guile
    But no one could say that they have our style
    The Dwarves are just too low-slung
    Now, only the dumb die young.

    You might have heard we’re full of a dangerous pow’r
    A bit too pretty, a bit too proud
    We might be singing a bit too loud
    Under the Moon or Sun
    Since the beginning, among the trees
    We’ve lived our long lives doing just as we pleased
    Behind a leafy curtain moving in the breeze
    Never hearing another’s tongue
    And only the dumb died young

    I got a nice new bow and a quiver from Galadriel, now
    Something I’d rather hold
    Than a Ring of gold
    ‘Course direction or the sense of it wasn’t a part of the deal, now –
    But you can count on me
    When you’re need things said obviously

    (Whoa-oh-oh)

    They say there’s a Haven for those who go west
    Some say it’s better, and some say it’s best
    I’d rather ride with the mortals than sail with the rest
    Mortals are much more fun
    And only the dumb die young

    The Man from Gondor thinks all that I can offer is that archery, now
    He never cared for me
    Did you see the way he glared at me?

    In the beginning, we were first to be made
    Old Elves never die – they don’t even fade
    If we’re not murdered, we go West to find shade
    Immortality can be fun
    It’s mostly the dumb die young.

    Leave a comment »

    Full original thread: What Smial Is This?

    Nick: Aerlinn (Registered User) Date/Time: Mon, 12/18/2006 at 17:55 EDT Subject:
    A seasonal parody: What Smial Is This?
    Message:

    From last year; hopefully I’ll manage a new one before the year’s out!

    What Smial Is This?
    To the tune of “What Child Is This?”

    What smial is this which, laid to waste,
    Greets us at journey’s close?
    Strange goings on while we’ve been gone,
    More than Barliman did disclose?

    What smial is this, that closes gates
    And hangs up signs and notices?
    “No this” “No that” – No beer? My hat!
    Some welcoming home this is!

    This, this is not our Shire
    For which we endured danger dire.
    Home, home, we’re home at last –
    But not yet able to rest.

    Why lack you all for food and beer,
    And most of all hospitality?
    You’ve no pipeweed? Villains take heed –
    We don’t hold with such brutality!

    If we hear “not allowed” much more,
    You’ll see what our travels have taught us:
    A lot of Tom-fools with lists of Rules
    Are naught to some foes who’ve fought us.

    This, this is not our Shire
    For which we endured danger dire.
    Home, home, we’re home at last –
    We’ve come to set all to
    rights.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



    Leave a comment »