A Night at the Prancing Pony
Which bears some resemblance to Billy Joel’s “Piano Man”
It’s the twenty-ninth of September;
The Pony is starting to fill;
The regular Hobbits and local Men,
And some folks that aren’t run of the mill:
A couple of Dwarves heading West through Bree,
And we don’t like the looks of those Men,
But perhaps even stranger is Strider the Ranger,
And Mr. Underhill and his three friends
La lala didi da
La la didida da dum
Sing us a song, you’re a stranger here,
A Hobbit from off in the Shire”
Sing us something that we haven’t heard before –
Songs about inns are surefire.
Now Butterbur’s just run off his feet,
Sure as there’s hair on your toes;
Ring the hand bell for Nob, in the stable there’s Bob
(Is he a Man or a Hobbit? Who knows?)
In that corner’s a squint-eyed Southerner
Deep with that swarthy Bree-lander in talk;
Mr. Took is certainly chatty tonight,
About a Mayor all covered in chalk,
Oh la lala didi da
La la didida da dum
And the birthday of someone named Bilbo –
But Mr. Underhill’s looking put out –
Hop up on a table and tell us a fable –
We’ll bet you’ll surprise us – no doubt!
And O the rows of silver dishes,
And the stores of silver spoons,
And the dog, and the cat, and the hornèd cow”
(And did he say the Man in the Moon??)
Sing us a song, you’re a stranger here,
A Hobbit from off in the Shire;
Sing us something that we haven’t heard before –
Songs about inns are surefire
It’s a pretty big crowd for the Pony,
But with a crash and a bump there’s one less –
Mr. Underhill leapt with a jump most adept,
But nobody saw him egress.
There’s a shout of “Wool-footed slowcoach!”
And some bolsters and a brown woolen mat
Carried into the room of the Hobbits, we assume;
Can’t think what to make of all that”
Sing us a song, you’re a stranger here,
A Hobbit from off in the Shire;
Sing us something that we haven’t heard before –
Songs about cows are surefire
Bonus verse, just because:
Sam says, “Bill, I believe that’s an eye-opener,”
As the wizard-fire lights up his face.
“Well, I’m sure I could pass as a bodyguard
If we could get out of this place.”
Mathom House 