Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (9)

SCENES FROM THE HAT: Books found in Sauron’s library — Mrs. Boromir (7/10/02)

• “Who Moved My Ring?” (No Text) —Annael
  • Darn! (No Text) — —Twilight Mere
• The Lonely Planet Guide to Mordor (No Text) —luinfalathiel
• “Lord of the Flies” hey, you gotta start small. 🙂 (No Text) —esiwmas
• Everything I Ever Really Needed To Know, I Learned In Eregion (No Text) —Eowyn of Penns Woods
• Bridget Jones’s Diary (No Text) —bunny of many colors
• Frodo Shrugged (No Text) —Wídfara
• Don Quixote of la Shire (No Text) —Pennadariel
• Ophthalmology for Dummies (No Text) —Eledhwen
• The Joy of Hex (No Text) —HRHArwen
• Mordor on $5 a Day (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• The Fine Art of Friendly Persuasion (No Text) —HRHArwen
• Travels with My Ent (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• The Whole Middle Earth Catalogue (No Text) —Blue Wizard
• Nazgul for Dummies, or Growing your finger back in 12 easy steps. (No Text) —Enchantress
• A Tale of Two Towers (Dickens revision) (No Text) —Nomad
  • LOL Very good!! (No Text) —Ginger
• Chicken Soup for the Maia Soul (No Text) —Celandine Brandybuck
• Microsoft’s Ledger of course (No Text) —Gaffer
• How to Eliminate Elves and Other Household Pests (No Text) — Uitlander
• “How to Find Anyone Anywhere” (No Text) —Morwen
• “It’s Okay to Delegate Authority” (c. 1600 S.A.) (No Text)— Soothfast
• If You Give an Orc a Cookie… (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• “Me, Myself, and Eye” (No Text) —The White Rider
  • LOL! I like it! (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• “How to minimize stress and conflict in the workplace” (No Text) —The White Rider
  • Shouldn’t that be “maximize”? (No Text) — Soothfast
    • that’s true! (No Text) —Bifur
    • d’oh! (No Text) —The White Rider
• “Volcanology and Blacksmithing — Together at Last” (No Text) — Soothfast
• The Catcher in the Eye (No Text) —Nomad
• “An extensive guide to forging techniques” (No Text) —The White Rider
• Visine 2002 Catalog of Products (No Text) —Nomad
• “How to Work With a Difficult Boss” (1st ed.) (No Text) — Soothfast
• Halfling Torture Techniques: A history (No Text) —Nomad
• The Zen Guide to Palantír Maintenance (No Text) —Celandine Brandybuck
• So You Want to Build a Tower (No Text) —Soothfast
• An Opthamalogist’s Guide for Eye Conditions (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• What to Expect When You’re Expecting Orcs (No Text) —Celandine Brandybuck
• “7 Habits of Highly Effective Evil Overlords” (No Text) —Annael
• “How to Grow Uruk-Hai” (No Text) —Ginger
• “Easy-to-learn Cooking while still being able to boss a bunch of Orcs around.” (No Text) —Frodosgurl
• “How to take over Middle-earth and Make Pretty Rings at the Same Time.” (No Text) —Frodosgurl
• Harlequin Romance Volume 78: “Arwen’s Innocence” —lumpkin —
  I think he’s secretly a lonely misanthropic chap with a romantic heart! Either that or he likes the idea of how mad Elrond would be if he knew Arwen posed for the revealing picture on the cover.
• Machiavelli’s “The Little Prince” —DiamondTook —
  A charming allegory in which all of the whimsical and delightful cast of characters are executed…
• “Taking over the world for Dummies” (No Text) —The White Rider

Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (8)

SCENES from the HAT: Little known facts about Farmer Maggot – —Mrs. Boromir (7/7/02)

• Keeps crop of… —Linnet Brandybuck —
  …”special” mushrooms a secret (between him and Bombadil) in hopes of preventing further raids from Buckland…
• His dogs’ REAL names are Skippy, Fluffy, and Bingo. (No Text)ceremony
  • And they’re poodles. (No Text) —L. Ron Halfelven
• Drives Mrs. Maggot crazy by using discussion board acronyms IRL. —Wídfara —
  Mrs. Maggot: Dear, did you take the trash out?
  Farmer Maggot: ROFLMAO! btw, IRL you’re a hotty! Oh, brb! *hears email indicator and runs to computer, tripping over dog*
  • so I’m stupid but – brb? What???? translation, please! (No Text) —greendragon
    • be right back… —DiamondTook—
      where’s CB with her handy dandy translation thingie???
  • *snarf* —DiamondTook
• Gandalf’s “Fly, you fools” is really a veiled reference to Maggot’s emerging role in the Fellowship. —Wídfara—
  Sadly, the Fellowship didn’t pick up on it, as it was *too* veiled. Much like this attempted joke.
  • They didn’t pick up on it even when —Leto —
    they were all confronted by that lovely pile of dung on the road!
  • *watches pun fly over TORnsib’s head* —Nessimë—
    You really are ‘Raid’ing the pun cupboard.
    Farmer Maggot – christened ‘Louis’?
    (not sure if you’ll understand all this… 🙂
    • You are, of couse… —Watson —
      …speaking of the original “Fly,” and not that thing Jeff Goldblum did…
    • *teeny voice* help me!! (No Text) —DiamondTook
    • *scrunches up face really hard* —Wídfara—
      “Farmer Maggot – christened ‘Louis’? (not sure if you’ll understand all this… :)”
      Oh, I *so* want to get it! *wonders if I stare at the words long enough they’ll reveal their hidden groaner* Is it a Kiwi thing? Or am I really a simpleton? (That last question is sorta rhetorical. You don’t have to answer.) : – )
      • No… it’s not even *really* funny… —Nessimë —
        When I was little, the Raid ad (Raid = flyspray) had a character called ‘Louis’, and there’s a little jingle along the lines of…
        “Say ‘bye bye’ to Louis the fly!”
        …Fly you fools…
        Heh. *sigh* 🙂
        • *falls over in a dead faint* —Wídfara —
          Oh, the Raid-soaked paths we’ll follow in pursuit of our puns. Good one, Nessimë. And, now, I’ll have the (choose one) pleasure/pain/misfortune of taking that to my bed, as I’m heading to dreamland. (Please, Eru, don’t let me dream of this thread. And make Mrs. B not be so evil with her future rich, wonderful, exhausting StfH.)
          • Oh my… —Watson—
            Ancient as I am, even I don’t remember that one! But I remember that the son of the original Fly was named Louis (pronounced the French way, of course). The things our brains come up with…
    • *taps forehead* think think think —DiamondTook —
      nope… I’m at a loss too…
  • That is one of the worst puns…. —Watson—
    …I have ever seen. Which, of course, means it’s good. Clever!
    • *bows, wipes a large bead of sweat from brow* —Wídfara—
      Whew! I thought I had delved too greedily and too deep into the pun barrel. Thanks, Watson!
      • You’re welcome —Watson—
        Maggots, flies… yeah, I come from farm stock, where such things are all too common in the pasture. Terrible pun — and I’m glad it was deliberate! I have seen things like that done by accident in newspaper headlines! 🙂
• He and Tom were drinking buddies- they loved to watch football together. (No Text)°Angelica°
• he has a secret storage room for carrots (No Text) —Frodosgurl
• makes obscure references to fantasy novels at the dinner table. (No Text) —Dolaurwen
• When completely alone, experiments with parting his hair on the other side. (No Text) —Wídfara
• He was raised by Cave-trolls! *winks to DT* (No Text) —Earendil The Mariner
• Has an “outie” (No Text) —Wídfara
  • ROTFLMAO! (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• he has a thing for Aragorn…. stridersGURL
• Shot J.R. —Mrs. Boromir—
  Anyone get this old one?
  • Woke Bobby up from his dream. (No Text) —Wídfara
    • Married Kristin (No Text) —DiamondTook
      • Backstabbed Cliff Barnes. (No Text) —Wídfara
        • Gave Momma a heart attack (No Text)DiamondTook
          • That would be “Miss Ellie Southworth Ewing (Farlow)” to *you*! —Wídfara —
            Named, obviously, for “elanor”: A golden, star-shaped flower, with a name meaning sun-star. Sam Gamgee first came across it in Lórien, and named his eldest daughter, Elanor Gardner, from it.
            (See how I pulled us back around to LOTR! Just in time, apparently, before the OT police come in to haul our Dallas-loving #$@*es away!)
            • *eyes wide with wonder* —DiamondTook —
              You are truly brilliant, Wid!! That was amazing!!!
              • Confessions from the Hat: —Wídfara—
                I got it from jrewing.com. I carry around a lot of arcana (that’s THREE, Ataahua and Scout B!), but, alas, not all the married names of Miss Ellie. Mad?
                • Are you mad? —DiamondTook—
                  Yes, i believe you’re quite off your duff! am i mad? well, I’ve been known to repair a few watches in my day (Mustard? let’s not be silly!) Angry?? Never!! :):):)
• Runs amok every Friday night at The Floating Log in Frogmorton. (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
  • Then goes on ad nauseam about how Oswald acted alone. (No Text) —Wídfara
    • LOL! (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• He took the Pepsi Challenge. Chose Jif. (No Text) —Wídfara
  • LOL!! His mama’s so skinny she can go hang gliding on a Dorito! (No Text) —DiamondTook
• Mr and Mrs Maggot wear the same underwear. (No Text)Pipe to Nul
  • Not at the same time, I hope! (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
    • Have you heard the term “Hot Swapable”? (No Text)Pipe to Nul
      • Have *you* heard the term… —Wídfara—
        …YUUUUCK!
      • *steps back* Nooo, and I’m not sure I want to. ; ) (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
        • crazy foreigners with their odd hobbies… (No Text) —DiamondTook
• He’s “The Farmer in the Dell” (No Text)Eorlinga
  • “The ‘shroom stands alone, the ‘shroom stands alone…” (No Text) —DiamondTook
• He’s a Shriner! (No Text) —luinfalathiel
  • He’s the Potentate of this here Shriner Temple! (No Text) —DiamondTook
• Is president of the ME PEF club (No Text)Herself the Elf
• Is a snob who likes it pronounced ‘Ma-go’, if you please….. —greendragon —
  Like ‘Hyacinth Bucket’ (“It’s BOUQUET”) for anyone who’s ever seen ‘Keeping up Appearances’!
  • Maybe that goes for Tom Bombadil too —Tauriel—
    I mean, he does have that thing about singing all the time.
  • He’s a farmer of the ‘managing my country estate’ variety….! (No Text) —greendragon
  • Yup! Good one!! (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• He buys his overalls and flannel shirts at the Gap. (No Text) —Morwen
  • of Rohan… 🙂 (No Text) —DiamondTook
• He often goes into the Old Forest… —Patty —
  where he and Old Bombadil have a secret moonshine still. “Merry-dol ra boom de a-ding a ding dolly!” (hic!)
• er, sorry, I have a question…. —Elfmei—
  …always wonder what the meaning of “SCENES from the HAT” thread?
  • It means —Mrs. Boromir —
    the equivalent of putting a bunch of ideas for a topic into a hat and drawing one. I had the same question long time ago and that’s what I was told.
• Has his lads run off the competition at the local farmers’ market. (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• He raises THOSE kinds of mushrooms. (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
  • Ahh, so that’s why kids were always trespassing… (No Text) — ceremony
  • Must have a shrine to St. Ro, then… (No Text) —Celandine Brandybuck
• “Farmer” is his real first name. (No Text) —Wídfara
• He is really a dwarf – why, you say? Well… —Tauriel
  …In Norse mythology dwarves were maggots that the gods gave human form, that’s why!
  • Interesting, Tauriel. —Mrs. Boromir —
    Makes one wonder just how many hidden meanings there are behind the names of people, places and things in LOTR. But that’s another discussion all together.

Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (7)

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SCENES FROM THE HAT: If LOTR characters were famous singers or singing groups – —Mrs. Boromir (7/3/02)

• Elvish Presley? (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
  • That was one of the best threads I’ve read in ages!! Good work all. (No Text) —Aragorn’s Sexy Scar
• Boom-shakalaka-Boom-Doom went the drum machines in the deep (No Text) —L. Ron Halfelven
• Frank Sauronatra (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
  • “Fly me from Mt. Doom”.. —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin —
    I know Sauron wouldn’t sing it, but *I* thought it funny…
  • *groan* Good one, Mrs. B. (No Text) —Wídfara
    • If you can’t unmake it there, you can’t unmake it anywhere, it’s up to you, Sammath Naur, Sammath Naur (No Text) —L. Ron Halfelven
      • …singing “Stranglers in the Night”… (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
        • “. . . and I did it MY WAY!” (No Text) —Annael
          • Ol’ Red Eyes, yup. (No Text) —Annael
• Legolas as Ted Nugent.. (No Text) —Nazgul_Kidney
• Celebrian Dion (No Text) —Annael
  • Or Celandine Dion? (No Text) —Tauriel
  • HAH! Good one! (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• Legolas: “It’s Not Easy Being (a) Greenleaf” (No Text)
• The Bree Village People! (No Text) —luinfalathiel
• Peter, Aulë, and Merry (No Text) —Wídfara
• Numenorean TA-beruthiel Choir? (No Text) —elf_wannabee
• quENYA? (No Text) —elf_wannabee
• The Neekerbreekers (Beetles)? The Mordor Tower (Tabernacle) Choir? The Woses? (No Text) —elf_wannabee
  • The Neekerbreekers singing Gladden Fields Forever. (No Text) —Wídfara
    • Ooo! Good one! *glares* (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• Wain Newtonriders (No Text) —Wídfara
• Legolas and Aragorn ARE the Blues Brothers singing “Gimli Some Lovin” —Mrs. Boromir —
  Blasphemy… (hangs head)
  • ROFL!! (No Text) —luinfalathiel
  • I really need to hit you now. —Wídfara—
    Some of these are real groaners, Mrs. B.
    (Great SftH, by the way.)
    • Oy, don’t I know it. —Mrs. Boromir—
      But as I said, I was inspired by Ugly Troll (*cough* who’s his girlfriend *cough*) and his “Nob Dylan” at the Prancing Pony.
      Are you typing as you drive to Kentucky…I knew you were talented but wow! Or don’t you leave till tomorrow?
      • *cough* tomorrow *cough* —Wídfara —
        ROFLMAO! Very subtle, very subtle. *still laughing*
• Bruce Springsteen and the Balrogs “I’m on Fire” (No Text) —Morwen
  • also “Dancing in the Dark” (No Text) —Annael
  • and “Celeborn to Run” (No Text) —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
• Jewel of Fëanor (No Text) —Wídfara
• Lee Greenwood the Great (No Text) —Wídfara
• Night Ranger! 😀 (No Text) —luinfalathiel
• Rod Steward of Minas Tirith … ? —luinfalathiel—
  OK, I’m reaching … 🙂
  How about Dead or Alive, with Gandalf as the lead singer?

• Moria Carey (she’s about dwarf size, right?) (No Text) —Wídfara
• Merry Knight and the Pip? (No Text) —Annael
  • “The Five Pips” — shudder…. (No Text) —Watson
    • The Four Weathertops (No Text) —Wídfara
      • Ike & Tina Turin (No Text) —Annael
      • LOL! What corny fun! (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• Steely Dunedain!! (No Text)Thevina Finduilas
• Steppenwarg singing “Beorn to Be Wild” (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• Sauron in the Tower of Power! (No Text) — Scout B
• Tom Bomb and the B52s …(ugh) (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• Earth, Wind and Fire (the elvish rings). (No Text) —Patty
• The Hobbits could be the Monkees… (No Text) —Enchantress
  • No, they’re the Fab Four (No Text) —L. Ron Halfelven
  • Or Liberace, I wonder if he can play the piano? (No Text) —Enchantress
• Dunedan Dunedan (No Text) —Annael
• The elf, the dwarf, the human and the orc singing Y-M-C-A… (No Text) —Ugly Troll
  • I would pay a lot of money to see Elijah, John Rhys-Davies, Orlando, and Viggo in costume doing that . . . (No Text) —Annael
    • Who would be wearing the Indian headdress? *snert* (No Text) —Enchantress
      • Lurtz (he’d be in the line too) (No Text) —Annael
      • ACK! There’s 5 of them? My mistake, add a troll :o) . (No Text) —Ugly Troll
  • BWAHAHAHAHAHA! —Magrat—
    Ow, laughing that hard can crack a rib.
• The Backroad Hobbits! (No Text) —Chewie
• The Trolling Stones —Mrs. Boromir
  Is it tacky to play at one’s own game…?
• A Dwarvish rock group: Aerosmiths (No Text) —Wídfara
  • Aulesmiths? (No Text) —Annael
    • Aerosmith could work… —Watson
      …if it referred to Manwe and Aule
• Lóni Mitchell: They paved Valinor and put up a parking lot. (No Text) —Wídfara
  • HAH!! …wait, that’s not funny (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
    • Construction foreman: And get the backhoe in here to knock down these two trees! (No Text) —Wídfara
      • *beep beep beep* Watch out behind. (No Text) —Enchantress
        • *tsk tsk* Valinor needed a Sustainable Development Committee. (No Text) —Wídfara
          • No kidding! Next thing they’ll get is a Wargmart! (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
            • And a Hooter’s right next to the Prancing Pony. —Wídfara
              Poor Barliman. How will he compete?
              • Ahhh, for the large busted, um, Dwarves??? (No Text) —Enchantress
• Lena Horne of Gondor (No Text) —Wídfara
  • Ohhhh,, That is soo begging to be satirized —Enchantress
  • HAHAHAHAHAHA!! (No Text) — Scout B
• Saruman in “Cheap Trick” ??? (No Text) — Scout B
• Celembrimbor (sp): Lead singer of The Smiths, Numenor and Valinor: The Westside Connection (No Text) — vedhed
• An Archie comics spin-off: Queen Berúthiel and the Pussycats (No Text) —Wídfara
• The Ents as….The Screaming Trees (No Text) — Scout B
• Aragorn in Night Ranger. (No Text) —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
• Eowyn could be in the Violent Femmes. (No Text) —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
• Gimli, lead guitar (ax) in Molly Hatchett? (No Text) —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin

Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (6)

Original Post
SCENES FROM THE HAT: Overheard at Bilbo’s Birthday Party(No Text) — Mrs. Boromir (7/1/02)

“You’re only going to eat 11 helpings?? You eat like an elf!” (No Text)esiwmas

Hobbit #1, with a sneer: “*This* beer isn’t proper 1420!” Hobbit #2: “But it’s not 1420 yet!” Hobbit #1: “Oh. My bad. Good beer!!” (No Text)Wídfara

• “and it’s free!” (No Text)Patty
  • Hobbit # Wídfara: “FREE?!” *chug chug chug* (No Text)Wídfara

“Do you reckon that her foot hair is really blonde?” (No Text) —Pipe to Nul

Here…finest weed in the *cough* South Farthing… *cough* (No Text) —Uitlander

• Dude…I’ve got the munchies! (No Text) —humblehobbit
  • yo, try some of this cherry tart…wow… (No Text) —Uitlander
    • It’s HUGE! (No Text) —Scout B
      • Thanks…. (No Text) —MrCere
        • [eye roll so severe that they may not return to normal state] (No Text) —Scout B

“He doesn’t look a day over eleventy.” (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir

Did I say Springle-ring? I meant to say, let’s do the Gator. (No Text) —L. Ron Halfelven

• LOL – now there’s an image. (No Text) —Annael

Sam: Rosie, met me behind the Party Tree in fifteen minutes . . . (No Text) —Samantha Baggins

Merry: “I dare you to tie Gandalf’s shoelaces together.” —Ugly Troll Pippin: “OK”

Rosie: “I don’t know, Sam’s pretty cute . . . besides, have you seen how *big* his feet are?” (No Text) —Samantha Baggins

Mr. Proudfeet: “Heh heh…it’s really ProudFOOT…” (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir

By Lobelia–“Otho, grab a couple extra pieces of that cake!” (No Text) —Patty

• “quick, put those beer steins in my purse!” (No Text) —Annael
  • “… And the coffee spoons …” (No Text) —Idril Celebrindal
    • “I’ll have that flower vase on the table. He’s got more of ’em!” (No Text) —Patty

Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (5)

Original post
Scenes from the Hat: Elrond’s parting words as the Fellowship leaves Rivendell:
—Wídfara (6/21/02) —

Mrs. Boromir is out of pocket this weekend. (Apparently, she and Faramir are on a Disney cruise on the Bay of Belfalas.) In her absence, and with bows to luinfalathiel and Mrs. B, I offer this SCENES FROM THE HAT.

Elrond: “Bye bye boys! Have fun storming the volcano!” Glorfindel: “Think it’ll work?” Elrond: “It would take a miracle.” (No Text) — Silverlode

I would have quite liked to try sending them home tied up in a sack, but Gandalf insisted….. (No Text) — greendragon

Good, with that Onering gone, my crown/tiara/forehead accessory thing is now the finest piece of jewelry in Rivendell again. 🙂 (No Text) — esiwmas

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart and you’ll never walk alo-oooone! (No Text) — Clueless_I

Ah, now I have time to take a nice strawberry bubble bath! (No Text) — Shadowfaxrules

(to Arwen) Look, I don’t mind your boyfriend coming to visit, but you have to stop telling him to bring those weird little friends of his! (No Text) — luinfalathiel

Wait!!!! You forgot sunscreen!!!! (No Text) — Dolaurwen

Glorfindel, lower the disco ball, fire up Gloria Gaynor, fetch our feather headdresses and let’s bring the Last Homely House down! (No Text) — lumpkin

• Y M C A…..(all together) Y M C A (No Text) — Enchantress
  • A. M. A. N.!! Oh, it’s great to live in A. M. A. N.!! — Marigold Gamgee
    • “You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal … ” (No Text) — luinfalathiel
      • Hobbits! Come & do this for us, I said… (No Text) — Dolaurwen

Arwen, I just know that dwarf stole towels from his room – put the cost on Gloin’s bill. (No Text) — Annael

Are you gettin’ a taxi cab to Mordor .. if so — NotAnElf —
“May the cars line up in their places”

Thank heavens – they’re gone…. (No Text) — Enchantress

*aside to Glorfindel* Elrond: “Betcha five dollars we’ll never see them again.” Glorfindel: “Make it $10 and you’re on.” (No Text) — Wídfara

don’t forget to ring.. — NotAnElf—
I mean the ring…

Bring me back a t-shirt. (No Text) — cabbage’n’taters

finally, farewell, fellows (No Text) — Arador

“So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodnight!” (No Text) — Eledhwen

Kommen sie wieder wenn sie nicht so lange bleiben kann. — Gaffer —
Roughly translated: Come again when you can’t stay so long.

“Oh, and Frodo… — Nazgûy—
…get me one of those nice souveniers that says “The Fellowship went to Mordor and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”

On your way now*yawn* you’ve taken up so much of my time! (No Text) — Elbereth Tinuviel

Don’t let the door. . . — Fladrif

Don’t forget to bring me something!! (No Text) — Wídfara

I don’t suppose I’ll see any of you again! (No Text) — Eledhwen

Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (4)

Original Post
SFTH Conversation between the two Kings of the Argonath.

• “Y’know Isie, Legolas isn’t the only one with a butt like granite” (No Text) —Celede
• “When the light is just right, I believe I can see into Galadriel’s flet!” (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
  • Citizen’s Arrest! Citizen’s Arrest! —Wídfara —
    *shakes head disapprovingly* Now that’s just wrong … : – )
    • What does that Shiriff think he’s paid for —Eowyn of Penns Woods —
      —propping up a bar at the nearest tavern?
    • Yeah, but the Kings are harmless. (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• NI! (No Text) —Heaven’s Songbird
  • “And bring us . . . a shrubbery!” (No Text) —Curious
• “999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall . . .” (No Text) —Curious
  • “I lost count again! I guess we’ll have to start over…” (No Text) —Marigold Gamgee
  • ROTFLOL!! good one!! that’s what I would be doing. (No Text) —Manveri
• Gimme five! (No Text) —Marigold Gamgee
• Hey – that one has my sword! (No Text) —Uitlander
  • and my bow … and my axe … Oh, wait. Wrong scene. (No Text) —Wídfara
    • You shall not pass! …oops wrong scene again. (No Text) —jayjay
• “Hmph! Here we stand like two trolls in the sun!” (No Text) —Eowyn of Penns Woods
• “You know, I’m only doing this darn movie as a favor to Peter.” “I just hope we don’t end up on some godawful poster.” (No Text) —Lottelita
• This nail polish takes FOREVER to dry! (No Text) —Eorlinga
• “Spash, gurgle, sploosh, splash, splish, spash, splash….” —Blue Wizard —
  (insert C&H here) STOP THAT! You’re gonna make me have to go the bathroom!
• “Isie, you want me to flick Gollum off your shoulder again?” (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• “How come we never get past the first line of “stop in the name of love”? (No Text) —Nimfalma Took
• Say. How would I look as a bookend? (No Text) —Wídfara
• “Damn, I’ve got that itch again. And there would have to be people around.” (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• “You are now entering a Neighbourhood Watch area…” (No Text) —Ufthak
• *looking over at Isildur* Nice hands. Palmolive? (No Text) —Wídfara
• Hey wasn’t I holding an axe before? —Nomad —
  “Yeah, I think we both were?”
  “Where did these swords come from!?”
  “Maybe the powers that be felt that the sword was more iconic in the genre and would be more widely accepts than an axe.”
  “You mean like when they changed the name of that Harry Potter movie to ‘Sorceror’s Stone’?
  “Exactly”
  • I’m not going to axe you again. —Wídfara —
    Leave it be, big guy!
• Long have I desired to look on our heir. What’s that saying– “be careful what you ask for”? (No Text) —L. Ron Halfelven
• “You shall not pass…you shall not p…hey, they’re passing! This never works.” (No Text) —Scout B
  • I heard they are installing photo radar soon… (No Text) —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
    • Yes, they are gonna have those little cameras installed on top of their big toes. (No Text) — Goeth-Helm
• “Talk to the HAND, cause the face don’t wanna hear it!” (No Text) —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
• “You put your left arm in, you put your left arm out” —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin —
  EVERYONE!
  “You do the hokey pokey…”
• “Hey, Anárion, you can see the Mall of America from here.” (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
  • Isn’t it visible from outer space? —Celandine Brandybuck —
    I know, I know, not really. But walking around it is like making the trek to Mordor…
    • It’s all the orcs inside. (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
    • You would know. —Wídfara —
      Sorry, Celandine. I couldn’t resist. You shouldn’t leave yourself open like that! : – )
      • Humph. —Celandine Brandybuck —
        Are you implying that I’ve made the trek to Mordor? Sam would kill me if I tried anything. I’ve only traveled from Lórien to Dale, thank you very much. The return journey is more fun, if slower. *vbg*
        But I went to the M of A more often than I should when I lived in the Twin Cities!
        • By all means, slow down! *vbg indeed* (No Text) —Wídfara
• “Knock, knock…” (No Text) —Wídfara
• “Crikey, they look just like ants from up here.” (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• Isildur, gesturing at self and pointing at Anarion: You’ve got a thing … a little … bird’s nest over your eye there.” (No Text) —Wídfara
• my brother and I were JUST having this conversation not one hour ago! Nyére —
  We were listening to the soundtrack in the car and when we got to the appropriate part, I said that the Pillars scene was my favorite one. A conversation about what they were thinking ensued.
  “Pull my finger” or “Good *god* my arm is tired”
  My brother also suggested alternate positions for the pillars, including:
  -Both pillars in a reclining position
  -One pointing off to the side and the other holding a sign that said “Hey, you’re going the wrong way, our kingdom and treasure is over there”
  -One in the ‘mooning’ position, the other one with his middle finger out
  ..Well, I think it’s odd, anyway, that we were just talking about that… clearly Mrs. Boromir and my brother are on the same brain wave.

• No, it’s MY turn to sing the lead on “Stop! In the Name of Love” for the next river tour group! (No Text) —Annael
• From my boyfriend’s stoned roommate — “Stop: Hammer time!” (No Text) —Lottelita
• “My arm’s getting really tired!” (No Text) —Marigold Gamgee
• I like this one —Ugly Troll —
  King One: Hey, those boats didn’t stop!
  King Two: Argh! I hate when that happens.
  King One: Do you have any loose rocks about you can shake off at him?
  King Two: Nah, I used the last loose one to pick off an orc yesterday.
  King One: Ya know, we could probably be a lot more effective if we weren’t stoned all the time.

• Pardon me. Do you have any Grey Poupon? (No Text) —Wídfara
  • aaaa! run away, run away!! (No Text) —greenleafphf
  • Oh, behave! (No Text) —Uitlander
    • you started it.. 😉 (No Text) —woodelf1
      • That’s tellin’ her! *gently pushes woodelf1 forward* (No Text) —Wídfara
        • *ouch* not so hard! —woodelf1 —
          i think i’m scared! i didn’t mean it! *runs and hides*

Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (3)

Scenes from the Hat: Book titles in Elrond’s library! (6/19/02)
(No Text) —Thevina Finduilas

The Road Less Travelled (No Text) —Twilight Mere

The Wholefood Way to Inner Elf… (No Text) —Greenwood Hobbit

You might be a dark-elf —esiwmas—

If you’ve ever been too drunk to keep up with your dwarf prisoners….
If you’ve consider a trip to the Shire an opportunity to pick up chicks….
If someone mentions “the cracks of doom” and it reminds you to pull up your pants!
You might be a dark-elf.
hehe, that was fun, any others?

Haven’t seen you post before, but… —Thevina Finduilas—
what a creative mind!
Love the “cracks of doom” crack….
; ]

The Domesday Book? (Pronounced DOOM, of course!!) (No Text) —Greenwood Hobbit

Child-Rearing the Half-Elven way (No Text) —Uitlander

All About Spanking —luinfalathiel—
Whoa, how’d that get in there?? 😉

• Oooh, someone’s just beggin’ to be modded… (No Text) —Uitlander

• o.O (No Text) —Ugly Troll

Kings and Queens of Numenor — with the page for Elros bookmarked (No Text) —Idril Celebrindal

I Never Sang for My Father (No Text) —Annael

River Flooding for Dummies (No Text) —Gaffer

The Man Who Would be King (in Aragorn’s room) (No Text) —Morwen

I bet Lurtz’s favorite book is “A Farewell to Arms” —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin—
“Ba-dum-bum”

• I was gonna say that, but I restrained myself! (No Text) —karen the magnificent
  • *listens* Is that the sound of ice skating in —Wídfara—
    h e double toothpicks? Since WHEN have you restrained yourself? Good golly. Don’t start now, just when we’re getting used to the UNrestrained ktm! : – )

• *groan!* 🙂 (No Text) —luinfalathiel

Rime of the Ancient Mariner (No Text) —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin

Battlefield Middle Earth by Elrond Hubbard —Ugly Troll —
And/Or To kill a Crebain

A Tale of Two Towers…and… —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin —
One Flew Over the Crebain’s Nest
Flowers for Aragorn
The Great Gamgee
Bucklebury Finn (The Sequel to “Bombadil:The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (little naked hobbit butts running around his backyard!)”
White Fangorn

• I like the way your mind works! ; ) —Thevina Finduilas

Arda: Its Lands and Peoples (No Text) —Thevina Finduilas

Strawberry Aromatherapy: A DIY guide! (No Text) —Mirkwood Maiden

These Happy Golden Ears by Laura Ingalls Half-Elven (No Text) —Wídfara

• or Little House In The Valley? 😀 (No Text) —luinfalathiel

A Field Guide To Silvan Elves (No Text) —luinfalathiel

Men are a Virus (No Text) —Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin

• AND Men are from Mordor, Women are from Lothlorien (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir

A Sear’s Catalog . . . with all the pages of purple dresses bookmarked? (No Text) —Samantha Baggins

And the Scented Bath Products Wholesale Catalog (No Text) —Jennie

Perry Took and the Sorcerer’s Stone (No Text) —Jennie

Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (2)

Scenes from the Hat: Words exchanged between Gandalf and the Balrog on the way to the bottom of Khazad-dum (6/17/02)

• B: So, what’s up? G: Everybody else, I think! (No Text)— Earendil The Mariner
• B: So I guess this means I can not pass? G: You’re a bit slow, aren’t you? (No Text)— esiwmas
  • —LOL! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
• Good grief, old chap, you’ve let things slide a bit down here. Maid’s day off, is it? (No Text)— Greenwood Hobbit
• G: I thought I made it clear that whole ‘whips and leathers’ thing was over between us? (No Text)— greendragon
• Gandalf: Got any sixes? Balrog: Go Fish. (No Text)— Gaffer
• Gandalf grumbles: It’s times like these I wish Balrogs had wings… or do they…THUNK. (No Text)— Nimfalma Took
• B: Could you PLEASE try to keep your robes from blowing up over your head!” (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
  • —G: You know you like it. ::wink wink:: (No Text)— Jennie
• Gandalf thinks to himself: “Good, at least I’ll have something to land on.” (No Text)— luinfalathiel
• G-“Now I’m Free….” B&G-“I’m Free-Fallin…” (No Text)— Foe-Hammer_of_Gondolin
  • —lol: good one Foe! (No Text)— Eirhren
• Movie Quotes — TheLidlessEye – —
  Balrog: “I’ve never lost a fight!”
  Gandalf: “Except to a crippled old man just now.”
  – The Mask Of Zorro
  Balrog: “We’re dropping 2,000 feet!”
  Gandalf: “It’s all right, dear. Don’t start worrying ’til we get down 1,999. The last foot is dangerous.”
  – Never Give A Sucker An Even Break
  Balrog: “I can fly!”
  Gandalf: “That isn’t flying, that is falling with style!”
  – Toy Story
  • —Haha! That’s great! — Marigold Gamgee — “It’s falling with style!” LOLOL!!
• Balrog: “I thought luinfalathiel did Scenes from the Hat!” Gandalf: “Noooo, now it’s Mrs. Boromiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrr……..” (No Text)— Wídfara
  • —Wow! Gandalf mentioned my name?! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir
    • Hey, I’m pretty alarmed that the Balrog mentioned MY name!! (No Text)— luinfalathiel
      • *sing-song voice* I think he’s got his eye on you! — Mrs. Boromir—
        His good eye, not the one that got singed back in 1252.
    • I might have mentioned something — Wídfara —
      to him about you. Let’s see. What was it? Oh, yes, on two occasions.
      Several years ago he was worried about the future of the line of the Stewards of Gondor, specifically, about finding a suitable mate for Faramir. He had heard that Eowyn might be interested in Faramir, and he had also heard about your romantic interest in Faramir. Gandalf asked me what I thought (he knows that I keep my ear to the ground). Frankly, Mrs. B, I told G that I thought Eowyn would make a better Queen (Princess, whatever) of Ithilien. I’m sorry, but with all your duties in Minnesota AND your interest in Faramir’s brother, that was my advice.
      And the second time, Gandalf was going to Bree on some errand, and I asked him if he would pick up some Milk Duds for you.
      Mad?
      • *pouts* I’ll get over it. — Mrs. Boromir —
        LOL, Wid! You’re a hoot!

Balrog to G: I’ve always loved you. — Jennie — (Apologies to The Blues Brothers)

• Is that a Bud-lite? — Go-Helm — Taking it a different direction.

Oh look. I got a 5.9 from Aragorn (No Text)— TheLidlessEye

You know, this might be our last few minutes alive. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? (No Text)— TheLidlessEye

• **in a Mark Hamill voice** NOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (No Text)— Nomad
  • How about in a Mark Hamill whine: But I was going to go into town and get some power converters! (No Text)— MrCere
    • Or how about a Hayden Christian whine: “Well I couldn’t find one with an open cockpit!” (No Text)— Marigold Gamgee

• I think so, Gandalf. But aren’t orcs allergic to strawberry bubble bath? (No Text)— Jennie
  • ROFL! — Marigold Gamgee — *narf*

Whazzup? (No Text)— Goeth-Helm

• Don’t you mean Whazzdown? (No Text)— TheLidlessEye
  • — *ba-da bump* oh! (No Text)— Goeth-Helm

G: ‘Are they still watching?’ B: ‘No I don’t think so’ … … — Nomad —
G: Fantastic!! I’m glad we working this out ahead of time.
B: No kidding. I soooo need a vacation.
G: Let’s head up top after and shoot off some fireworks to complete the show.
B: Grey Pilgrim, You’re the best!!
**Hugs**
**Splash!!!**

• LMAO! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir

G: so… (long silence) B: yup…. (long silence) G: How’s the family? B: Oh, they’re good.. How’s the wizard thing workin’ out fer ya? G: oh, just fine…just fine… (long silence til they hit the water) (No Text)— Eirhren

• ROTF! (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir

“Aaaaaahhhhhhhh…” — Vidstige —
Stop screaming, look at each other.
Start screaming again.
“Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh…”
Stop screaming again and look at each other.
Gandalf: “This is like a totally deep hole.”
Balrog: “Yeah. Do you wanna play 20 questions or something?”
(Apologies to Bill & Ted)

So, a funny thing happened to me on the way to. . . (No Text)— Goeth-Helm

Pardon me, sir, but do you have any Grey Poupon? (No Text)— Wingfooted

I guess that settles the wings debate (No Text)— TheLidlessEye

I see you had the Vindaloo (No Text)— TheLidlessEye

Balrog: “So tell me more about this ‘secret fire’ stuff. You need a permit?” (No Text)— Mrs. Boromir

Got a light? (No Text)— TheLidlessEye

Balrog: CANONBAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!! (No Text)— Gaffer

Gandalf: “You ever heard of Listerine?” — Nomad —
Balrog: “No, you ever heard of Speed Stick!?”

Scenes from the Hat – 2002 (1)

SCENES FROM THE HAT – One line obituaries for Boromir

“He should have been a Hornblower.” (No Text) —luinfalathiel

Can’t tell which way the wind is blowing. — Crebain from Dunland (No Text) —Shadowen

“He paddled well” is starting to take on new meaning… —Aerlinn

“I come not to bury Boromir, but to praise him….” Aragorn (No Text) —Ugly Troll

Dad, can I have his room? —Faramir (No Text) —Elwen

• “Sure. Just help me light the stove first.” (No Text) —Morfalathiel
  • You’re bad —Scout B but very funny.

There was a little bit of all of us in him: One of Lurtz’ three arrows (No Text)Gaffer

“Alrighty then, one down and two to go!” – – Aragorn (No Text) —Weige

He taught us,..when all else fails, kick ’em in the shins! – Merry & Pippin (No Text) —woodelf1

Honorary posthumous membership for the Rauros trip — Gondor Canoe Club (No Text) —Wídfara

He always wanted to use my comb. – Figwit. (No Text) —Enchantress

• …and my shampoo,and conditioner…. (No Text) —woodelf1
  • … and your strawberry bubble bath! — Legolas —Lottelita —
    Hey, dead men tell no tales!

He was always making for me — The Gap of Rohan (No Text) —Wídfara

• A good groaner, Widfara! (No Text) —Scout B
• Well, there was a sale! —Lottelita —
  apologies to Cassandra Clare!
• HA! Good one! (No Text) —jordan_the_discursive

He gently picked me up out of the snow: The One Ring (No Text) —jordan_the_discursive

Next time I’ve gotta keep my head about me! – Lurtz (No Text) —Enchantress

Uruk-hai fodder. — Saruman (No Text)Sweet Master Frodo

• “Saruman lied … I didn’t get to taste anything!” — Lurtz (No Text) —Lottelita
  • and the rest of us can only dream… —Uitlander —
    Oh, Boromir, we hardly tasted — er, knew ye!
    • Ha! —Lottelita —
      I always think Saruman’s line, “You’ll taste man-flesh,” is diiiirrrrrty. But not undesirable where the men in this movie are concerned!
      • Oh, great. That’s just great. – DownfallenWest—
        Like I needed THAT mental image every time I hear that line from now on!
        Hey, wouldn’t this be a great place to make some quip about how it “comes in pints?!?”
        • I think Roheryn did that on Friday. —Lottelita —
          Get that girl in the Fiesta, and it’s all over. 😉
      • ROFL! (No Text) —Wídfara
• “I’ll never forget when he let me blow the Horn of Gondor”–Pippin 😉 (No Text)Hobbit-Of-No-Intellegence
  • *snert* Mind in deep gutter land….. (No Text) —Enchantress
• Hmmmm….maybe it IS folly…. – any other Fellowship member (No Text) —Scout B
  • LOL! (No Text) —Wídfara
• I’ve gotta get better help! – The One Ring (No Text) —Enchantress
• “He out-PHF’ed even me.” — Aragorn (No Text) —Lottelita
• He gave me a cool nickname: New Devilry — The Balrog (No Text) —Wídfara
• I’m getting all the fanchicks in the second movie: Faramir (No Text) —jordan_the_discursive
• Gondor has no Boromir…Gondor needs no Boromir —Elwen —
  Sorry, it had to be said.
  • : ( You’re making me cry…we do so need him. (No Text) —Rohwen
    • OK, then Aragorn said it. (not us) (No Text) —Elwen
    • Yes, I can think of SEVERAL uses for him! >) (No Text) —Lottelita
      • Lotty, that banishment thing needs a little work. (No Text) —Wídfara
        • Why, all I meant was … —Lottelita —
          
          fixing my car … you know … using the dipstick to check the fluid levels? Adjusting the ballbearings? Making sure everything’s running smooth under the hood? (And now I’M overheating …)
          • yeah right, fixing the car, um hmmmm. —greenleafphf
          • He was my Mr. Goodwrench — Lottelita (No Text) —Wídfara
            • *snert* —Lottelita —
              I think I would be so prostrate with grief that speech would be quite beyond me. Then I’d start flirting with the grieving and emotionally vulnerable Aragorn.

            • Must…get…mind…out…of…gutter… —jordan_the_discursive —
              This one could get dangerous!
              • We’re not helping you, jordan! —Lottelita
                —
                I’m afraid where Boz is concerned, it’s either gutter-fare or sappy drooling.
    • That cushion idea you had was pretty good……. (No Text) —jordan_the_discursive
• I envied everything about him (except his mortality, of course). -Celeborn (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• “Anyone have lighter fluid?” – His Father (No Text) —Morfalathiel
  • Ooooooh. Nassssssty. (No Text) —Jennie
  • LOL! (No Text) —Lottelita
• He got all the breaks, the lucky so-and-so. — Book Boromir (No Text) —Wídfara
  • ROTFL!! (No Text) —Jennie
• I’ve just got a few short comments… — Ioreth (No Text) —Wídfara
• Great PR at Council of Elrond – Mordor Tourism Bureau (No Text) —jordan_the_discursive
• Here lies Boromir. He died by arrow instead of spear. (No Text) —Inferno
• “He called that a BEARD?” — Gimli (No Text) —Lottelita
• His thoughts were very entertaining to read. -Galadriel (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• Thank goodness he died before the internet was invented. —Lottelita
• He tried to take my ring, but he didn’t really mean it. -Frodo (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
• I never trusted the bloke—Sam (No Text) —Elwen
• He made a handsome pin-cushion. -Aragorn (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir
  • Boromir … Aragorn … cushions … ::banishes dirty thoughts from mind:: (No Text) —Lottelita
    • *receives dirty thoughts banished by Lotty* (No Text) —Wídfara
• Nyah nyah nyah nyah — The One Ring (No Text) —Wídfara
• Handled me so very lovingly: Shards of Narsil (No Text) —jordan_the_discursive
• He was good-lookin’, almost as good-lookin’ as me. — Legolas (No Text) —Wídfara
  • But I look better in a pointy hat: Gandalf (No Text) —jordan_the_discursive
• He took those arrows like a man….of Gondor: Lurtz (No Text) —jordan_the_discursive
• He Blew his Horn Well — Merry (No Text) —valasarah
• He should have taken his shield. (No Text) —Elwen
• He bit his nails, but I liked him anyway. — Merry (No Text) —Wídfara
• He had a good speaking voice. — Sauron (No Text) —Wídfara
• He paddled well. – Pippin (No Text) —Mrs. Boromir